May 7, 2020

05/07/2020

I am fortunate enough to be included in a group
discussion of important topics via e-mail. The
gals contributing are true intellectuals and it is
a delight to read their points of view and share
in their thoughts and enthusiasms. Interestingly
enough, I sometimes find their chosen arenas
of discussion are too painful for me to indulge
in. Alas, I'm not entirely certain what this says
about me.

We are indeed all such interesting creatures!
The happenings in our lives that form us, the
things we react to and others that we're able
to blow off . . . all form a part of who we are.
I am emotional; I house sorrow in my soul as
if I were part of the divine comedy itself. I
have an enormous capacity for joy and am
capable of great depths of love. Still, I have
to be extremely careful; I fear I may dive into
the depths of hell and never return.

I'm still asking the great questions . . . Who
am I going to be when I grow up? Why am
I so emotional? How is it possible to love
and to feel so intensely? What can I do to
survive those great sorrows that invade my
soul? What is the price I will have to pay
should I choose to be a superficial person?
How old do I have to be to simply accept
that I am who I am and there's not much I
can do about it?

I fear these questions will never be answered.
I strongly suspect that my own hell on earth
has been the quest that leads me to Nirvana.
After all, didn't we survive many a loathsome
meal as children knowing that the dessert
would make it all worthwhile?

pray lift my sorrows
will pay almost any price
let me rethink that

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