05/31/2020

What is it about food?! Mexican food! 

New Mexican food! Mexican American

food! I've heard tell that food is one of

the great identifiers of a given culture.

Having enjoyed all three of the above

foods in my lifetime, I get a kick out

of the similarities, the crossovers, the

identifiers. It's rather like the same

dish made by three different cooks . . .

and yes, you can tell the identifying

features of each.

I can't help but wonder if the secret

is in the seasoning?! One uses sweet

basil, another likes oregano and yet

the third will use cilantro. The other

ingredients may be similar or even

the same, but the spices are what

gives that distinct flavor to each.

I would add that using herbs and/or

spices is the defining factor 'twixt a

cook and a chef. And not to forget,

in days of yesteryear, they were even

used in barter and trade. Hark back to

today . . . all of us involved in high

cuisine share spices and herbs back

and forth!

Sooooo, try adding bay leaves to your

over easy eggs next time. Sweet basil

enhances the oregano in a spaghetti

sauce. Cropped chives give cottage

cheese a whole new dimension. Anoint

your bird with olive oil, rosemary and

thyme before baking and you'll discover

an entirely new flavor. And, don't even

get me started on chilis . . . another

day, perhaps.

the song says it all

parsley sage rosemary thyme

tis the spice of life

05/30/2020

I find New Mexico, sandwiched 'twixt and

'tween the US and Olde Mexico, to be an 

amazing place all its own. The landscape

itself, is as if the angles had a quilting party,

and using bits and pieces from here and

there, created a different kind of masterpiece.

We traveled through a gorge that simply

left me boca abierta! Wow! and WOW again!

Finally arriving at the bottom, there must

have been four or five distinct flat places in

the river where families were playing and

bathing. We moved slowly down the tree

lined road, enjoying the vistas provided by

the river and its inhabitants.

Coming out of the gorge, a different land

again. Small communities, contrived from

sweet adobes as well as trailers of all shapes

and sizes, figured everywhere. From time

to time, we would see crosses, images of

la Virgen de Guadalupe, la Virgen María,

and a variety of favored saints, in the yards.

The landscape bore trees of all makes and

sizes. Both hopeful crops and well-tended

gardens gave way to dusty, winding roads.

From time to time, small stand vendors

could be seen, patiently awaiting those 

sporadic clients coming through.

The one we visited was phenomenal. The

man attended us, speaking in Spanish to

me and English to my guy. There was all

sorts of bright and colorful NM pottery,

foods from both Mexico and NM, statuary

of the virgin and many saints, candles and

candy. We came away with treasures and

long awaited food purchases, make no mistake.

I find myself asking, why is it that we only

get to come once a year?! I don't suppose

shekels, or lack thereof, has anything to

do with it!

a land to explore

awaiting our llegada

longing to return

05/29/2020

What a glorious day SH285 South 

gifted us. It simply seemed that

that we were enveloped in a

beauty heretofore unknown to us.

Yes, we had both been there, done

that. Still, there was something

about this particular drive that was

mind blowing. We were wide awake.

Filled with anticipation as each mile

drifted by, painting yet another

scene of unprecedented beauty.

Passing through small towns of

yesteryear, dotted with bars and

shops in hopes that customers 

would be enticed. One after another, 

each offering their wares, many 

closed . . . dreams dead and gone.

I found myself amazed at the

lengths people had gone to in order 

to survive. Food trucks, outdoor 

seating, masked servers . . . people 

lined up, carefully spaced, patiently 

waiting their turn to be served or 

attended.

I saw a friendliness . . . people

waving, nodding their heads in

recognition, wishing others a good

day. It felt as though everyone was

making an effort at decency. And

until now, I had not witnessed this

positive side to the vast illness that

plagues us. May we ever learn!

nice really matters

so hadnt paid attention

tis helping me grow

05/28/2020

I am wowed, amazed, blown away by the
women who have shaped life; true sheroes
one and all!

I remember those young women teaching
Sunday School classes. In my era, there
were no women ministers and the women
who donated their time with the younger
set were carefully chosen.

I hark back to those first teachers, female
teachers, we all had in grade school. I
imagine it's different now, but in our era
male teachers didn't come until Jr. High.
They were amazing women, teaching all
year and then off to summer school them-
selves.

It was truly in university though, that I
came to revere my female profs. They
were all amazing; just who I wanted to
be when I grew up! Knowledgable,
professional, educated, prepared, wow!
just WOW!

I thrill to see the women of today taking
prominent roles in the priesthood, in
politics, as newscasters, and still coping
as mothers and homemakers. Did I say
SHEROES? You bet I did!!!

lady most lovely
lady may i have this dance
lady at your feet

05/27/2020

I just love that spark of a new idea! "Let's go
someplace; what do you say?" A plan is born!

"Where shall we go? Nah, we've been there
before. We have to find out if there are hotels
open due to the plague. Do you want to go
North or South? Actually, I think I want to
go West. Mountains? Small towns? Sounds
great."

What is it about travel that simply lightens
the soul?! Obviously, there are those who
only consider it travel if they have to get
on a plane. For others, it's leave the state,
or even better, the country. Me? I'm happy
with my own state and three attached. It's
not that I have issues with leaving home,
I just happen to love these states!

So, let's see what Summer brings. Will
we be allowed to travel. If so, what will
the restrictions be? Will hotels be open
or would camp grounds be better? What
about restaurants? Grocery stores open
on our journeys? God, I'm scaring me,
myself and I.

Here's wishing us safe summer travels . . .
albeit the real thing or TV travelogues.

on the road again
wheres willy when you need him
so need to travel

05/26/2020

I have marked on my calendar today, "Virus
restrictions end." It will be interesting to see
life as we knew it, resume little by little. For
some, it will simply be, "Time to get back on
that bronco." For others, there will be no jobs
to return to. This morning's news informed
that both meat and gas prices are expected 
to increase. Frankly, me thinks a world of
many unknowns awaits us.

This has obviously been a crazy, crazy time.
Friends and family ill, as well as others not
known to us, many incapable of surviving.
An ending of funds, jobs and even homes
lost. This will take many, many years to
recoup from; make no mistake.

One thing for certain, it will be dead easy
to fall into our old ways of doing things.
Masks easily forgotten, maintaining our
distance, simply being careful. Let's make
an effort, go that extra mile . . . it will most
likely save many lives.

pray keep us from harm
we live in constant danger
wisdom needs survive

05/25/2020 - Memorial Day

Memorial Day honors military personnel

who died in the service of their country,
particularly those who died in battle or
as a result of wounds sustained in battle.
~US Department of Veterans Affairs

I imagine we all have ancestors who served in 

the battles of yesteryear. My own generation

dealt with the infamous Viet Nam war . . .

the draft, the deaths of loved ones, the anger, 

the marches. I was a freshman in college at the 

time. My own lover was in the midst of it all, 

even as I warred against it. I chuckle now, as

I was fined for my own participation in a VN 

anti-march and bra burning.

I think maybe it's taken me to arrive at that

delectable age of 70 to even begin to under-

stand that one's personal views and opinions 

don't really matter as lives are being taken, 

hearts broken and entire worlds destroyed.

Bottom line, as the old maxim proclaims . . .

it is what it is, no matter what!

So today, personal beliefs aside, let us indeed

remember those who gave their all, their lives,

for us to have the world we live in at present.

at the price of lives

trying hard to understand

longing for world peace

05/24/2020

Yesterday, we were blest to lay eyes a couple
of our fave people. We did the whole umpteen
feet away, no hugging. Still, it was wondrous.

My whole problem was that I found myself to
be socially inappropriate. How is that possible
in only three months of isolation?! Worse yet,
I hadn't even had a drink yet!

I remember when the kids were little and we
were off to see friends. I made sure that we
always talked about how 'we' would act and
behave. Me thinks I needed a mom to have
the 'talk' with me yesterday.

So, here's hoping I can lay eyes on some of
you soon so we can begin my socialization.
I obviously need it and it's your duty to bone
me up on my much forgotten skills!

mommy mommy mom
can we please go play with john
promise to behave

05/23/2020

Be fair warned; I feel a rant coming on!
Feel free to skip this one!!!

I read news columns online every morning
as I suppose I should stay in touch with the
real world. Alas, I am dangerously close to
never wanting to read or know about the
real world ever again.  Learning about the
children enclosed in border camps is one of
the most painful, horrific reinventions of the
dark ages that we could never have imagined.
This morning, I wrote . . .

"Why oh why, did the powers at be feel it
was necessary to re-invent the prison camps,
and for children, no less?! ~!@#$%^&*()_+
Will we never learn? Will we never grow?
Will we never, ever embrace all humanity
over the crimes of torture, rape, mutilation,
trafficking, child abuse?! I so do NOT want
to be a part of the world we live in today!"
~ldj

How did this happen? Me thinks we put the
Neanderthals to shame . . . and supposedly
we're living in 2020! Alas, I have no answers,
only questions . . . I actually get that suicide
wouldn't solve anything. I also understand
that a 70-year old me can't solve the world's
problems. And no, I do NOT turn a blind eye.

I DO want to help. I DO want all this cruelty
to end. And yes, I DO scream at God each and
every day, begging him on bended knee to do
something. Good thing I'm not God, I'd blow
up the whole damn place!

weeping in sorrow
in anger over my head
pray what can i do

05/22/2020

I was one of those lucky little gals who got
to have a trunk. It had come down through
the family line on my father's side and he
gifted it to me when I was about five. It
might have had something to do with the
fact that we were impoverished, but dad
said I could keep my special treasures in it,
as well as my secrets. Mr. Trunk, as I call
him, has followed me from home to home,
to Mexico and back to the US again. To this
day, it graces my living room and holds
memories of my childhood within.

Every now and then, when missing my dad
or my heart is hurting, I take off the lamp
and other items that reside there, and gingerly
open the trunk. There is that ship he built me
along with a set of book holders. Pieces of
embroidery I did when I was six, as well as
my last doll grace the bottom of the trunk.
A couple of my favorite childhood books
and even my high school annuals can be
found there.

I don't stay long in Mr. Trunk, but I leave
him in better spirits than when I opened
its well kept secrets. Me thinks I feel sorry
for any child who never got to have a . . .

. . . Mr. Trunk!!!

secrets and treasures
memories of yesteryear
heal my aching heart

05/21/2020

I suppose it doesn't do to go on about
it much, but I am truly blown away by
how everyone is coping with the plague
and making an effort to get on with life
one way or another!

I see small cafes, restaurants and food
markets accepting phone orders and
delivering. Flowers are being sent and
phone calls made. I see people out in
their yards; cleaning, digging, planting.
We may end up w/landscapes gorgeous
and gardens bountiful this year.

And the inventive natures . . . oh my God!
The 8:00 howls, postcards sent, outdoor
theaters resurrected. The sharing of drinks,
albeit 8 - 10 feet away, and no hugs. Seeing
loved ones through screen doors, blowing
air kisses. What amazing adjustments every
one is making!

I doubt it'll ever be the same as it used to be.
And make no mistake, there will always be
a clear, 'before . . . and after . . . the plague'.

tell me a story
oh mother of inventions
make it a sweet one

05/20/2020

Love me some solitude; always have!
Still, me thinks we've had enough of
it lo these past three months. I have to
chuckle as friends sneak over, masks
in place, treat in hand and have a seat
outside. We all take a chair about 10
feet apart and let the catching up begin.

Sometimes, there's a Corona or two to
be had. Others, a treat . . . but mostly,
it's all about catching up, seeing what
we've been up to and sitting in some
proximity to others for a couple of
hours.

As a Libra, I've always known those
two sides of me . . . the one who needs
and relishes solitude and the other who
needs her family and friends fix. I have
not found the isolation uncomfortable.
I also find myself missing those few,
those sweet, precious few.

how have you been friend
feeling a little lonely
while away the hours

05/19/2020

Yesterday, I found myself grateful for the
reminder of the value of communication.
Today, I want to act on it. No, I'm not much
of a phoner, and most likely never will be.
(Hell, I still have original minutes on the
flip phone I bought three years ago!)

A friend of mine recently reminded me
of the value of receiving cards in the mail.
I'm fond of the postcard, as those of you
who receive one at Yule know about me.

I suppose the whole 'quick and dirty' of
the postcard is attractive. Still, it takes
nothing away from the fun of getting one
in the mail. And, as my old friend Joyce
invited me to join the postcard brigade,
I invite you to do the same.

Remember your old friends, your new
ones, the grandkids, those much needed
thank you notes. I'll be waiting to get
a couple in the mail any day now.

much i want to say
a postcard will have to do
sending one your way

05/18/2020

The Plague has made me realize more than
ever, the importance of communication . . .
and my dance with staying in touch has
been interesting, to say the least.

We got our first phone, a  three person
party line, when I was nine. I was allowed
one, 3-minute call an evening. We young
gals thought we were in heaven. And now,
just look at the phones we have, the entire
universe in the palm of your hand.

As a kid, I loved letter writing. I sent a
letter a day my entire youth . . . and now,
it's that quick and dirty e-mail, Facebook,
Twitter, and heaven forbid, TEXTING!!!

I'm thinking! I'm thinking! The old days?
The new days? This way? That way? Or,
d) all of the above. Extrapolating . . . me
thinks we would do well to communicate.

missing you and me
write me tweet me email me
send me a letter

05/17/2020

The responsibility of reading cards is a
formidable one! You may think sport, or
fun . . . life-changing or simply interesting.
Still, it is an incredible gift, whether you
get that or not.

I have been reading cards since I was 15 . . .
I was in a boarding school in Arizona, my
choice, and wasn't able to go home for TG.
A bunch of us girls left behind, decided to
play cards one night. My first time, I picked
up my dealt cards and immediately knew
things about every gal in the circle. Scared
the bejesus out of me. I threw down the
cards and ran as I've never run before.

Obviously, it came to me that I was a
card-reader . . . 'meant to be' and I could
not really do anything about it. It simply
was what it was. Sooooo now, I've been
reading cards for 55 years. What an
incredible responsibility! I take it very
seriously and consider it a way in which
the gods can deliver messages to us.

an amazing tool
gifted me without consent
pray i help others

05/16/2020

Sooooo enjoying the plains of Southern
Colorado . . . an entirely different kind of
beauty. We arrived here on Thursday and
have experienced suns up and suns down,
breezes to heavy winds. The odd sweet
flowers to be found, along with a plethora
of stones that want to find their way into
my pickup. God, I love Mother Nature!

Another thing I find interesting are the
vast differences in terrain in this amazing
state. Living near Denver, one would
never expect the plains. And traveling
West on Colorado's highways and byways,
you'd never expect the changes that occur
about every half hour. I've heard tell God
felt he broke the mold with this state.

But, perhaps the absolute best is family
and friends. This time we've celebrated
my lover's side of the family. His son-in-
law's birthday was the only excuse to
indulge. Tents galore, Coleman stoves
wafting fab scents enticing us to try the
different creations, a couple of the guys
playing guitars, yet others listening to
boom boxes at high volume.

I am much touched by the feelings of
affection, love shared, confidences told,
the comfort level to be enjoyed by all.

love this family
a different kind of love
tis love nonetheless

05/15/2020 - Día del Maestro

Jubilada o no, tengo que recordar que
hoy es mi día, junto con otros miles de
maestros. Obviamente, todos tenemos
recuerdos gratos de momentos bellos.
Muy sin embargo, el quince de mayo
es mi predilecto.

La razón es sencilla, simplemente adoro
la enseñanza . . . los estudiantes, cada
uno diferente, sus personalidades
brotándose, las preferencias saliéndose
a la luz del día.

Pienso mucho en los padres. Cómo nos
entregan los tesoros más grandes al
darnos sus hijos por varias horas al día.
Su fe en los profesores me deja atónita.
Y va sin decir, que nosotros debemos
tomar este cargo muy seriamente.

Así que, doy gracias a Dios que pude
dar 41 años de mi vida a la enseñanza.
Recuerdo a mis alumnos con tanto
cariño. Hast lamento que en mi vejez,
poco a poco empezara el olvido. Quiero
agradecer a cada uno de mis estudiantes
los años de gozo que me dieron. Espero
que vayan al cielo con todo y papos,
como solíamos decir . . .

hijos del alma
favor de no olvidar
quien los adora

05/14/2020

I dreamt we were on an extended weekend trip.
There was some hiking involved, but mostly, I was
drawn to an old cabin. Seems I was the only one
with keys. We had a young girl with us, obviously
a younger version of me. She wanted to get inside
the cabin so badly that I almost felt sorry for her,
or was it a sense of foreboding?!

I finally gave in . . . and once inside, I was appalled
at the state of things. The walls were dirty, spider
webs aplenty, dust everywhere, as if the place had
not been paid any attention in years. I didn't see any
light source other than some peeking in through
dingy windows.

My younger  me ran straight to an old cupboard
where she pulled out trays, planting soil, seeds and
some pretty dilapidated plants. She immediately
began messing with the contents, trying her best to
plant the remains of old, unattended bits and pieces.
As she managed to put together a plant, she would
slip it back inside the cupboard, as if to hide it.

I explained to her that were the plants to grow, they
would need both water and light and must be left
outside in the sun. She immediately confided that
they must be kept hidden so the boogeyman could
not find them. She went on to say that he wanted
her plants for himself and that he would kill them
if he found them.

I awoke in a state of appalling agony. What could
I do? Where could I grow so that the bad man
wouldn't find me? Little by little, as I came into
myself, I pondered the meaning of the dream.
Obviously, my subconscious was trying to tell me
something. Perhaps, my courage, or lack thereof,
needed to be reminded to wake up, grow up, and
get with the program?! Come on! I'm 70 . . . don't
I get to rest now? Guess not!!!

wake up wake up wake
it was only a bad dream
lots of work to do

05/13/2020

Such humungous, glorious, stunning homes!
Everywhere I go, I see them. Large, small, tiny,
they are each one 'home' to someone. Me thinks
we all love our homes, creations of our hearts,
no matter the size, the shekels involved, or the
place they reside.

What is it about a home that brings so much
comfort? I well recall the 'movings in' over the
years into the different residences. The clean,
the new paint job, the placing of treasures . . .
making the house a home! I used to call it,
'peeing the perimeter'! We are mandated by
some imaginary source to lend our stamp
of approval.

I don't know whether to chuckle or to cry . . .
have you ever noticed that we live in about
three rooms of our homes? The kitchen and
the bedroom, of course. Some even use the
living room. Still, per se . . . just a couple of
rooms actually gift us their space. Rather
makes me wonder why we need such huge
homes?! Something to think about . . .

where lies my comfort
my identity is home
home is in my heart

05/12/2020

I've been thinking . . . always dangerous . . .
about secret spaces, sacred places, magick
nooks and crannies. We all understood this
as children. I defy you to even find a child
who doesn't have his very own special
corner of his very own universe.

It makes me sad to think we lose this as
adults. It would behoove us to remember
just how valuable these little pieces of
heaven can be. As a little girl, when sad,
I would go to my magick place and by the
time I came out, I was all better.

Perhaps you already have one, but just
haven't thought of it this way. A comfy
chair in the guest bedroom, a porch swing,
a flower bed out back, a pew in the back of
an open church. Not to forget some quiet
music and a candle or two. That hot mug of
coffee or tea, a small glass of red . . . all adds
to the much needed mystique.

Still, having your own quiet place isn't enough.
You have to remember to go there. Make a
habit of it. Once a day, same hour each time,
or just when you need it. Go there! Be there!!
Let yourself heal!!! Add that bit of magick to
your soul . . .

tis heaven on earth
that wee bit of magickal
dont let me forget

05/11/2020

So love me all the holidays in May . . .
May 1st is both May Day, Día del Trabajo and
Beltane. Cinco de Mayo, glorious Mexican holiday,
also celebrates the birth of my mother and daughter.
May 10 and/or Diez de Mayo is Mother's day. May
16 is the birthday of my children's father and the
23rd is Día del Estudiante. Let's end with the 25th,
Memorial Day. Crazy, crazy May!

I can remember teaching 17 years in Mexico. The
closer May came, the more we trembled. With the
lack of routine, the kids were restless . . . along
with summer weather. But bottom line, trying to
teach during the month of May took heroic efforts.
Still, I find myself looking forward to it, enjoying
every single celebration.

There is great benefit to my mom and daughter
having the same birthday. 'Tis sad remembering
it's mom's b-day and then I cheer up with the
celebration of my daughter. Funny how holidays
invoke different memories and feelings.

So here we are, half-way through May already.
Let me just wish you one big happy holiday for
the next two weeks.

whats to celebrate
yes a maying we shall go
making memories

05/10/2020 - Día de las Madres

Siempre recuerdo a las bellas damas de
México en el diez de mayo. Sin embargo,
se me hace intrigante, que durante este
tiempo de la plaga mundial, que esta
celebración caiga en el mismo día en
ambos países.

Pensando en tiempos de antaño, tengo
que echar ojo a mis impresiones de las
madres que conocí. Quiera o no, las
culturas de los dos países son mucho
muy diferentes. Mi doña madre me decía,
'Ay, cómo los quiero, cabroncitos'! Y, de
repente, no faltaba un grito de, 'Hijos de
la chingada, más vale que llegan rápido
o les voy a poner una . . . '

Bien recuerdo como me quedé atónita
la primera vez que le escuché a Chavela
hablarle así a sus hijos. Mis padres eran
muy correctos, muy corteses, pero claro,
en tono de voz, la mirada cariñosa, los
abrazos, traducían las palabras bruscas
perfectamente. Estos niños sabían que
eran amados. Me imagino, que ni siquiera
tenían un momento de duda.

Obviamente, hay madres en todo el
mundo que darían sus vidas por sus
hijos sin pensarlo ni un segundo. Y
dudo mucho que importaría si aquella
madre se despidiera con un, 'Te adoro
hijo mío'. O un, 'Adiosito mi jodidito'.

Espero que siempre recordemos que el
amor de madre es lo más cercano que
tenemos para conocerle a Dios.

ay madres mías
amores de mi vida
como extraño

05/09/2020

I suppose it's highly unusual, but as Mother's Day
approaches, I am constantly thinking of my father.
I've always said, my mother was my father and my
father was my mother. Strange as that may sound,
I like that I recognize this! Having a special brother,
my parents decided at a very young age that mom
would deal primarily with my brother and dad with
me. It was a matter of practicality as the family was
very united, per se.

Still, on the eve of Mother's Day, as it were, I find
myself engrossed in memories of yesteryear. What
an amazing mother my father was! Dad was the
true eccentric in the family. He accepted me as I
was and encouraged me to be myself and never
look back. He always said that I got to be as weird
as I wanted to be and the right people would want
to be my friends. Such an amazing insight in a
world of cookie cutter debutants and their followers.

I look at the differences . . . mom and bro, inside.
Dad 'n ld, outside. Mom, car, dad and me pickup.
Mom, picnics . . . dad and me, camping. Mom,
dress up, dad and me . . . weird combos or not at
all. Obviously, I could go on, but not necessary.
Every single day, I give thanks that my dad taught
me to think outside the box, dress my own way,
follow no crowd and throw out the cookie cutters.

Happy Mother's Day, dad! You will always be my
hero!

a mother is born
mom by any other name
all shapes and sizes

05/08/2020

I still find myself dancing on air . . .
Last night's ultimate 2020 Super Moon,
the full Flower Moon, was something to
behold . . . make no mistake!

My guy had spent the day on a project
and found himself arriving home at 10:00.
After greeting me, he told me to grab my
coat. I just had to go outside and see the
most amazing moon he had ever seen. I
chuckled and told him he'd been living w/
his Pagan way tooooo long.

So, out we go; he kept leading me down
the walk, saying that I wouldn't be able to
see the moon properly unless I followed
him. We got as far as the pickup and I
dropped my jaw. I had been expecting it,
but I knew I wouldn't be able to see it
until 11:00 as we're surrounded by pines.

Next thing I knew, he's popping me into
the car and taking me to the lake. He tells
me I just have to see the moon by the lake.
He was right . . . the beauty was of such
magnitude that I found myself going from
inadvertent exclamations to tears falling
down my cheeks. Were I to live a hundred
years, I don't think I would ever again see
such beauty or experience such a moment.

What a guy! Middle of the night surprise
after working and driving hours! I pray
the gods protect him ever . . .

a midnight surprise
lunar lady come to me
bright blessings await

05/07/2020

I am fortunate enough to be included in a group
discussion of important topics via e-mail. The
gals contributing are true intellectuals and it is
a delight to read their points of view and share
in their thoughts and enthusiasms. Interestingly
enough, I sometimes find their chosen arenas
of discussion are too painful for me to indulge
in. Alas, I'm not entirely certain what this says
about me.

We are indeed all such interesting creatures!
The happenings in our lives that form us, the
things we react to and others that we're able
to blow off . . . all form a part of who we are.
I am emotional; I house sorrow in my soul as
if I were part of the divine comedy itself. I
have an enormous capacity for joy and am
capable of great depths of love. Still, I have
to be extremely careful; I fear I may dive into
the depths of hell and never return.

I'm still asking the great questions . . . Who
am I going to be when I grow up? Why am
I so emotional? How is it possible to love
and to feel so intensely? What can I do to
survive those great sorrows that invade my
soul? What is the price I will have to pay
should I choose to be a superficial person?
How old do I have to be to simply accept
that I am who I am and there's not much I
can do about it?

I fear these questions will never be answered.
I strongly suspect that my own hell on earth
has been the quest that leads me to Nirvana.
After all, didn't we survive many a loathsome
meal as children knowing that the dessert
would make it all worthwhile?

pray lift my sorrows
will pay almost any price
let me rethink that

05/06/2020

Just call me klutz!!!

I fell down the stairs again yesterday
evening. No alcohol, exhaustion, or
ghosts involved . . . just me not paying
attention, per usual! I know I need to
stop doing this, but I've always been
a bit of a klutz.

I remember going up the stairs to my
uni classroom in Mexico. I slipped
and fell, and being young, got right up
again. Then, I slipped and fell again,
and yet once more. A fellow prof, who
I had never met, put down his briefcase,
grabbed my arm and marched me up
the stairs. He seemed a bit aggravated
with me. Go figure!

I fall in the snow rather regularly. What
the hell . . . just part of who I am, I guess.
Still, me thinks 'tis about time I stopped
this nonsense, what with my bones now
being 70! Next thing you know, I'll be
going into comedy . . .

never was funny
trying out for comedy
just born to be me

05/05/2020 - Cinco de Mayo

Oh my goddess! What an amazing day!
I imagine you're thinking of this most
historical date which we celebrate
out the nines in Mexico! Alas I fear,
I must be a tad more personal than that.
It all started with the matriarch of our
family. Queen Esther, as my father used
to call her, was born on May 5th, obviously
my first recollections of the date.

I can remember those first hankerings for
a little girl. Queen Esther did not wish for
me to have a second child as I was in a
special health bracket. But, we told her I'd
gift her a baby girl, on her birthday, with
the name of Esther, as her namesake.
That first yell into the night, with ten
minutes to spare. Her daddy gave her a
kiss and ran to telephone Grandma . . .
a promise kept.

My very own Princesa Esther, captured
my heart that night, and forever more. I
pray God bless her every hour of every
day. She is a treasure sin precio alguno.

remember that night
a joyous gift from the gods
gratitude ever

05/04/2020

Last night I dreamt . . .

 . . . I found myself coming home at the
end of an arduous journey and I felt a
sense of relief at the return. No sooner
had I arrived, that I called two women
to come on over and resume classes.
I was that anxious to share what I had
learned on my travels. After the initial
greetings, i served them an afternoon
glass of white. We settled in and began
to discuss . . . when a knock at the door!

It was another couple of friends come
to wish me welcome back home. Again,
I invited them to have a seat and gave
them a glass of wine. And then, the siege
began . . . woman after woman, couple
after couple, until the home space was
overflowing. I served wine in shot glasses,
bottle lids, small bowls . . . even ash trays.
Once the white ended, I began with the
red. There was standing room only. I kept
begging for everyone to be quiet and watch
the educational flick I had brought home.
Still, it seemed they were only interested
in chatting, catching up, partying!

I was beside myself! Finally, I shouted in
a loud voice, 'Shut the fuck up!' at which
my mother gave me a distinctively dirty
look of disapproval. And, where had she
come from, having been gone lo these
four years?! It was simply ghastly. My
much longed for class had turned into a
cocktail party. And, I can't even begin to
describe the claustrophobia! My second
scream actually awakened me . . .

I lay there, panting! 'What the hell was
that all about'? And frankly, i believe the
nightmare deserves a good think! I believe
the message is, 'Simplify and enjoy'! It
doesn't get any more direct than that!

slow down the music
leave the rock 'n roll to waltz
enjoy the new pace

05/03/2020

In a world of distances, family time becomes
even more precious . . . delicious even! What
fun to sit around a campfire, enjoying chat
and beer, children running around gleefully,
just because . . .

I would have to admit, the required social
distancing was quite difficult. One WANTS
to hug children, no matter their age. It's
not only natural but compelling! We did a
pretty good job; still, I noticed as the week
end wound down, our social distancing
became closer and closer, our circles tighter
and tighter. Family loving family!

Whilst I was visiting with one of the girls,
she mentioned her hopes surrounding the
outcomes of this whole plague affair. I don't
even think she was trying to be positive, but
she commented that this world wide virus
is actually giving us an opportunity to slow
down and think about things. We can sort
out those things that are important to us
from the ones we thought were essential.

We are learning not to take family and
friends for granted. We are being reminded,
in the ensuing solitude, just how much we
miss their company. We're getting used to
spending time at home, getting our hands
in the kitchen to see what we can come up
with. I pray that as this virus is sorted out,
that we don't forget those lessons learned
re solitude, family, friends, time, sharing,
and our enhanced creativity.

ponder hearth and home
loving me our family
so been missing them

05/02/2020

Me 'n Don Quijote tilting at windmills . . .
Not to mix my metaphors or anything,
but there are def times when I would
accuse myself of living in a world of
fantasy!

In my universe, there is no pedophilia,
no theft of children or young people, no
kidnapping, no spousal abuse, no bullies!
My idea of heaven on earth! And no, I
didn't mention murder because I imagine
there are times . . .

I'm not a Socialist, per se. I actually have
no issue with wealth. I only have trouble
with some having billions while others
don't even have a crust of bread to eat!
What would be wrong with just being a
proper millionaire and dishing out all those
additional billions that can't be spent in a
lifetime anyway?!

Actually, I abhor facing reality . . . but I
suppose at some point, it must be done.
Since I don't have the power to change
the world, I'd vote for each of us to
basically mind our manners and maybe,
just maybe, the ensuing concentric circles
will burn brighter and brighter as time
goes on. I pray it be so . . .

pray give me courage
make the world a better place
stand and be counted

05/01/2020 - Beltane

Beltane at last; I feared it would never come.
This Pagan holiday is celebrated from sunset
on April 30 with bonfires, dancing, and raising
a glass or two, through sundown on May 1st.

Seven of the eight Pagan Sabbats are highly
spiritual, whereas Beltane is quite festive. It
marks the high point of Spring and announces
that Summer is soon to follow. For those of us
who have had a lingering Winter through the
first half of Spring, a warm Beltane is especially
welcome.

We were lucky enough to spend Beltane Eve
with our neighboring friends. And wonders of
all wonders, we get to spend Beltane with our
children, hopefully around a bonfire tonight.

So, in our festive Beltane mood, what are we
thankful for?! The return of sunny days with
their ensuing warmth, for certain. Lifting a
thankful glass to our children and other loved
ones is expected! And not to forget, life itself!

How do we express these wondrous feelings?
Dancing 'round Beltane fires by night and
celebrating with a Maypole dance by day.
Dancing! Feasting! Greetings! Toasting!
Oh, what a glorious festival! Pray, do have
a delightful Beltane or a wonderful May Day,
its Christian equivalent.

dancing round bel fires
its down the maypole winding
raise a glass or two