12/31/18 - New Year's Eve

Wow! Last day of this year, as it were! I find
I am 'twixt and 'tween that mixed bag of
feelings of where to go from here, knowing
full well, 'tis naught I can do to stop Father
Time. I suppose it's natural to turn back for
a look-see, a la Lot's Wife, for a last glimpse
of been there, done that! Of course, there are
a plethora of things I could, and would change,
given the opportunity. I imagine that is the
human way. But, at the risk of over indulging
in truisms, it is what it is, and not even the
gods can step in and alter the course we each
have chosen. Me thinks perhaps 'tis the reason
New Year's Resolutions were invented. I've
gotten a kick out of different postings in the
last twenty four, saying something along the
lines, "All's good, all's well, expect no changes,
I am who I am." I rather admire the concept
and would like to embrace it, as long as I can
simultaneously seek growth. Sounds like a
balancing act to me; only hope I can stay the
distance.

so long for perfect
twixt self acceptance and change
must be courageous

12/30/18

Bed anyone? I remember as a child just how
much I hated being sent to bed! I never got
how the clock started moving faster as the
evening approached. Oh, and being sent to
bed as a punishment . . . horror or horrors.
I never understood why my parents wanted
to sleep in on the weekends either. I suppose
'twas as a teen, bed became a more delicious
place to be. In adulthood, bed was nirvana,
an escape from reality, a never, never land of
sweet forgetting, rarely to be had. Now as an
elder, I've come to enjoy the actual odd day
abed for reading, for reading and for reading!
Sweet beyond belief. It frightens me some
just how much I enjoy said days. I can still
hear my mother saying, "If you stay in bed
all day, you just might end up an invalid."
I used to respond, "I'll chance it" . . . smarty
pants that I was . . . but now, I hark back and
find that I'm more than a tad superstitiously
leery. Having said that, me thinks I'll spend
the day in bed today . . . got me a new book
for x-mas, after all!

so need a bed day
pray take me to neverland
riding to my dreams

12/29/18

What an amazing time, this whole wrapping up of
a year just lived. Here we are post Yule and x-mas
and soon to welcome New Year's Even and day! We
sit back and bask in the good memories as well as
wince with chagrin at the bad ones . . . probably
because we caused them in the first place! In my
yearning for the new year to begin, I remind myself
that this time 'twixt the holidays is such an important
time of reflection. We've all grown up with the
impending homework of writing our New Year's
Resolutions. I have come to believe that this interim
of time is study time, preparation time. It's important
to put some thought into our desires, dreams and goals
for 2019 before we commit them to paper. I'm so
there! I'm thinking, planning, opting, wishing as
hard and as fast as I can. I pray I choose carefully and
and mind my business for longer than the usual two-
week period. Here's to a rather wondrous 2019!

pray hope wish and plan
may i be a better gal
acting on my dreams

12/28/18

A day abed . . . such fun, such guilt! Is this what
retirement is all about? I awoke at my usual 4:30
a.m. well rested and enjoying the memories of
the night before. I did some work on the computer,
treated myself to breakfast in bed and there and
then decided to treat myself to a day abed. I can
remember in my teaching years just how glorious
such a day could be. Alas, it couldn't be celebrated
in a state of purity as there were children to be fed
and men to be tended to . . . to say nothing of work!
Nonetheless, I've treated myself before. Still, ayer
was the max! I read the entire day! Kill me now
'cuz I've seen Nirvana! Of course there were phone
calls and food to be brought to bed with me, but
oh, what a day! Now, my entire body hurts and
urgently needs to rise and shine . . . still, 'twas fun
while it lasted!

ive seen nirvana
trip to the heavens taken
so loathe to return

12/27/18

Last night was pure magic! My man invited me to
spend a few hours with him by the fire he had built
in the living room of the cabin. I lit a plethora of
candles, engaged some delicious esoteric music;
viola . . . magic was upon us. I remind myself, 'tis
moments such as these that we shall ever remember,
even perhaps, take to the grave. Ever more important
than the professionally wrapped gift purchased at
the last minute to comply with tradition . . . for as
long as I live, I will never forget last night. At some
point, he said he thought we should raise a toast; I
thought . . . no better time, a night of magic and
happy contentment, hell yes! I'll raise a toast! . . .
 . . . to him!

night of flaming fire
romance mystery magic
my soul is sated

12/26/18

In a single day, we go from magic to the mundane.
Yet, I find myself strangely looking forward to the
upcoming 2019. I imagine 'tis in the post x-mas
blues that we all begin to look towards the future
and commence to form those pesky new year's
goals and resolutions. I've always believed this must
have something to do with having eaten and perhaps
drunk too much on Christmas day. The sheer regret
of it probably brings on pre-new year's resolutions
anxiety. I've promised myself to go for a simpler
approach next year. When I was a kid, I'd always
go for the 10 commandments, as it were . . . but
now, perhaps I'm old enough to look at the truly
meaningful, that which actually matters. One thing
that keeps cropping up is, "Live in the now." I've
always been a champion, fixate on the past and
plan for the future kind of gal . . . completely giving
the present a miss. Here's to me having a think and
a happy ruminating to us all!

where to go from here
forget the past and future
need live in the now

12/25/18 - Christmas Day

If ever there were a holiday, a holiday much argued
over, celebrated differently by each and every, a holiday
of joy and sorrow . . . 'tis your friendly x-mas! We
decided this year to do something entirely different.
We intend to honor the child within . . . all the way.
So, at 5:00 this a.m., we had ice cream in bed. At
6:00, we had eggnog ('Course it was spiked!) and
now, at 7:00, we're going to watch a western together.
It's our intention to see just how many x-mas rules
and regs we can break and simply have the time of
our lives. We're not even doing pressies! This is
going to be interesting and I may just have to report
out! Merriest to you all, and pray you honor the child
within!

oh santa santa
i so want x mas in bed
pray bring me some nog

12/24/18 - Christmas Eve

I've always been a proper date gal . . . by that I
mean that I like to celebrate on the actual day of
any given event. Obviously, I'm open minded to
the point that I'll celebrate any time asked, but
that often means I honor the real date on my own.
Case in point, special Sunday familial luncheon
became our Christmas Eve this year. We gathered,
one and all, from parts unknown. I prepared a
delish Mexican mean per the request of my Army
grandson; my son played guitar and my daughter
sang; we at until the cows came home . . . not
sure I'll ever recover! Viola! Christmas Eve made
to order. But of course, my man and I will indeed
sit by the fire tonight, put on some winter music,
and sip a bit of that delectable wine my son gifted
us. Still, I be I'll find myself missing those beloved
souls who celebrated with us on Sunday. For us,
'twill always be, two holidays for the price of one
since that's how my family rolls! Now, don't even
get me started on those double calories . . . I pray
allof us have a marvelous eve of celebration
tonight, each in our own special way . . .

remembering us
a christmas even any time
missing you tonight

12/23/18

Reconnecting . . . such an interesting word, instantly
fills the mind with connotations, memories and even
sometimes angst. We were blest to spend yesterday
with old friends, not seen in years. It was as magical
as Aladdin's Lamp with moments of sweet sorrow
and delicious remembrances. I've been thinking about
memory, as well as memories, of late. It's fascinating
how you may not have thought of something in years
and simply by revisiting a loved one, sharing tales out
of school, suddenly the soul is flooded with emotions,
thoughts, ideas and memories not recalled for years.
As we grow older and memory becomes an issue,
perhaps what is missing are these connections that
allow us to hark back to moments long forgotten. I'm
left with this feeling of sneaking under the Christmas
tree to peak at the forbidden . . .

visit neverland
we loved once upon a time
pray remember me

12/22/18 - Full Cold Moon

I am overwhelmed with sorrow. I just read an account
and saw video of a man emptying water and throwing
out food left for those walking to the border. I simply
cannot stop weeping! Has our depravity no end?! I
always thought that basic human kindness could exist
parallel to whatever be one's political persuasion. What
will become of us? What will be our end? If we are
incapable of the most basic of human decency, what is
even the point of our existence? The gods must shake
their heads and weep! I'm with Dorothy; I want to go
home and me thinks it isn't here!

theres no place like home
but someone has stolen it
give it back give it

12/21/18 - Winter Solstice

Winter Solstice, such a special day, long awaited for . . .
We chose to celebrate the eve last night, sitting by the
fire and sharing a partial bottle of lbd, Little Black Dress.
It's hard to believe but, a year ago, we did exactly the
same and there finalized our plans to permanently move
into the cabin. Today marks that one year anniversary;
I hate to confess, there are still five or six boxes in my
tiny office waiting to be dealt with. I remember telling
my son when we moved into the cabin on April 1st that 
we'd be completely moved out by Beltane, May 1st.
Now, I truly understand the meaning of April Fools; 
poor kid, he's been great about it. I forgot to factor
in that I'm nigh onto a 100 years old. What makes
this December 21st so special? Not only is it Yule, 
but we will also have a full Cold Moon and a meteor
shower . . . a magickal three to celebrate. Yule is
also the first day of Winter, and although not my
fave season, still the days begin to elongate. Here's
wishing you Yule tidings, a wondrous Winter Solstice
and I pray you enjoy the full moon and meteor shower.

a magickal night
so many gifts for yuletide
happiest to all

12/20/18

Cada caveza es un mundo . . . or, so we say in
Spanish. A rough translation might read, every
head is its own world. I find it interesting that
I continually run into this concept in daily life.
Perhaps there is no truer statement as none of
us view life and its happenings in quite the same
way. We all house different opinions on religion,
politics, education, relationships, sex, work . . .
Frankly, it's amazing we get along as well as we
do. I imagine that part of the puzzle lies in the
way we were each brought up. Another might be
the religion, or lack thereof, that our parents
introduced us to. We are, of course, affected by
our educational background and influenced by
friends and lovers. This is an old, old argument,
"You say tomato and I say tomato . . . " 'Tis
interesting as well, that in so many relationships,
opposites attract. I imagine none of us get up in
the morning determined to be as absolutely
closed minded as possible! In fact, in the whole
opposites attract theory, we probably strive to
give our children a more openminded viewpoint
than we espouse. I imagine we all tend towards
priding ourselves on being openminded, but are
we really? In my own life, I find that I'm very
openminded about the things that I approve of
but, I can be quite closed and/or critical of those
which I do not. It may be no big deal, open or
closed, but bottom line . . . being straight with
oneself is paramount.

lie to me baby
no interest in la verdad
no truth intended

12/19/18

Telling tales out of school . . . no one likes a
tattletale! Yet, from time to time, I'm sure
one finds oneself in that difficult position: to
tell or not to tell . . . I found in the 43 years
that I was teaching, that I was often privy to
information simply because as a teacher, one
is aware, not because of anything shared with
me. Early on, I made the decision to honor my
students first and let things be, as it were. It
truly mattered to me to have my students'
confidence as well as their best interest in mind.
Still, looking back, I have to wonder if this were
the best choice. Could I have helped that young
soul with drug addiction, had I told on him?
For sure, I always shared that I realized what
was going on and encouraged the kid to get help.
I offered to walk him to the nurse's office to sign
up for classes, support, programs . . . whatever
was needed. Looking back, I realize I often made
the right decision, but others?! Many are the
times I wish I weren't an empath. No one likes
knowing other people's business just because it
is perceived. I pray the gods grant me wisdom,
to tell or not to tell . . .

right or wrong or both
so tired of looking back
ever questioning

12/18/18

Perhaps Yuletide season is one in which we
particularly remember the gifts Mother Earth
bestows on us. Every morning begins with an
amazing sunrise and ends the day with those
unforgettable good nights! Lady Luna, then
gifts us that incredible moonrise each evening.
Sometimes the beauty is such that I am moved
to tears! I even love walking down to my tiny
stream. By the roadside or not, it's ever so sweet.
I have such fond memories of hiking with my
family as a child. Colorado offers such grandeur
with its over 50 14ers. We even have the gift of
beautiful weather . . . my father used to quote
that old adage, "If you don't like the weather in
Colorado, wait 15 minutes." I'm not entirely
certain how to thank our Lady Gaia; I imagine,
giving back is one way. Honoring the recycle
program, and not only recycling, but reusing,
picking up that odd bit of trash that someone
unthinkingly allowed to fall. Hand washing our
dishes, laundering napkins, gifting used items,
garage sales over trashing . . . all good ways
to honor our great mother. May we always
walk the walk rather than just talk the talk . . .

dreams of our mother
in awe of lady gaia
honor her ever

12/17/18

Me thinks ACCEPTANCE must be the greatest
gift of all time. Obviously, it's human to critique,
if not actually criticize, the actions of others, to
say nothing of Mother Earth. "I'm too fat! You
are too thin! She's too picky! He's too aloof! It's
too cold to go outside!" So, I'm wondering if
acceptance and the power of positive thinking,
to quote Normal Vincent Peale, go hand in hand.
Can I actually accept a given without necessarily
being positive about it? Or, can I be positive, but
not necessarily accept? The reason I'm thinking
about these things, is I would like to be a better,
more positive, accepting person in 2019 and I
actually believe that acceptance is the key. I
remember my father being very accepting of
people exactly as they were. My guy is quite
accepting of me (although he seems to take
issue with certain football players). I don't
think is is something you can just stuff, as it
were. I believe you actually have to ACCEPT,
really, truly, or it doesn't work. And, if I'm not
careful, I'm going to end up with the serenity
prayer! So what are the steps? How can I make
this happen in my own life? Perhaps making
the decision to be more accepting is the first
step, followed by practice, practice, practice!
2019, here I come! Pray for me . . .

longing for better
from the core of my being
i so yearn to grow

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."
~Reinhold Niebuhr

12/16/18

I've been pondering the act of forgiveness.
We, as the good people that we are, seem
to have little issue with forgiving others. It
might be hard some of the time, but per se,
we recognize fallibility as a norm, a human
trait. We put ourselves in their shoes and
find the necessary compassion within to
forgive. So, I ask . . . why, oh why is it so
hard to forgive myself? Intellectually, I get
that we make mistakes. We're human; again,
we are fallible. But NO! I must rise above the
fray! I need to live up to my standards, my
expectations! I seem to require, nay demand
perfection. So where does it end? When will
we come to the actual realization that we are
as human as the next guy and that we deserve
the same forgiveness we so bountifully bestow
on others? Alas, I don't have the answers, but
I'm going to try giving myself some of the
same positive encouragement and feedback
that I give my students. Who knows, I might
even catch myself a break!

father forgive me
forgive me for i have sinned
sooooo not going there

12/15/18

Truth . . . now there's a word in a nutshell!
I've been pondering the meaning of truth.
Is it . . . Personal? Familial? Universal? Does
it alter according to varying circumstances?
Not to forget the old adage, "One man's truth
is another man's lies." Without a doubt, there
are immutable truths . . . Colorado is a state.
White is the absence of color; black is all colors.
Yule is December 21; Christmas, December 25.
There are mutable truths . . . Jan and Mike are
married. Clark and April have two children. The
first snow is always in October. Universal truth
and Personal truth might as well be opposite
ends of the totem pole. Obama was the 44th
president of the US; Obama is Linda-Dale's
favorite president. Perhaps, the most important
realization for me in pondering the ramifications
of truth would be that it's not a word to be taken
lightly nor to be thrown about with impunity.
Truth matters; tell your truth . . . but perhaps
the realization that your truth and another's may
not be one and the same is paramount. Me
thinks 'tis time to come down from the high horse
and work on empathy and acceptance from the
position of an open mind.

wherein lies the truth
tis your truth my truth our truth
needs be honor all

12/14/18

December and the never-ending drinks . . .
I know, most of us indulge from time to time,
probably a beer or the odd glass of wine, more
than anything else. Still, December rather feels
like alcoholism waiting to happen. Every invite,
brunch, luncheon, dinner date, party, includes
special holiday spirits. There's x-mas cocktails,
mulled wines, and don't get me started on the
pure magic of spiked eggnog . . . not to forget
Chartreuse, that delectable, sinful ambrosia
made by the monks since the 1700s. Alas, I
have no magical formula. Drinking too much,
gaining that extra pound, will always be the
gifts from the trixtor elves. So, what's to do?!
For me, it's all about ENJOY but don't embarrass
myself in front of my guy, my friends, and my
hostess. (No comments from the cheering section,
please!) So . . . harking back to yesteryear . . .
gird up your loins, sally forth and conquer . . .
and . . . don't drink and drive. Happy hollidaying!

whats your pleasure maam
whatevers in that cute glass
live to regret it

12/13/18

I have been in love with vocabulary since I was a
small child. There was no food as delicious nor as
delectable as a glorious world crawling 'round my
tongue! I was most fortunate in that mine was a
family of reading . . . literature most sublime! We
were read to ever single evening. (Didn't get my
first TV until I had been married 10 years!) It wasn't
long before the nightly reading and sharing didn't
fill my soul; simply had to read on my own. I suppose,
looking back, it was rather an addiction. I went on
to be founder of the book a day club and was quite
delighted when my own children fell prey to the
addiction . . . I grew up in a delightful, bucolic setting
if we can call the outskirts of my small town that. My
family was impoverished and frankly, didn't possess
the wherewithal to constantly feed my appetite. Thank
God, as the result was a life-long love affair with the
local library. You know the contagion is arduous when
the librarians know you by your first name and you're
only a babe in the woods, as it were. Some books I
couldn't bear to return and I would re-new them as often
as allowed . . . from there I would simply cling to the
books and only return them a year later on free day.
Even now, I can recall the beleaguered looks on the face
of the lady at the desk when she realized she was letting
go of a keeper. I suppose the true epiphany for me was
realizing I could actually purchase my own faves and
never, ever have to return them. I remember keeping a
plethora of books on the floor by my bed because they
wouldn't fit on the night stand. Even now, my own adult
bedside, every comfy chair in the living room, noons and
crannies . . . all assailed by a pile or two. Last I counted,
my own library consisted of over 8,000 books . . .
classics, fiction and non fiction, religious, spiritual,
Pagan, children's, even cook books . . . me thinks there
is no cure. And, let me say this, the electronic device I
use to read in bed at night, simply isn't the same. It
lacks the feel, the scent, the essence of mystery when
cracking the spine . . . Lord help me!

out of heavens tomes
the gift of the written word
crawling round my brain

She was fascinated with words. To her, words were things of beauty, 
each like a magical powder or potion that could be combined with other 
words to create powerful spells. ~Dean Koontz

12/12/18

What is it about the gift of friendship that
continues to amaze day after day, decade
after decade?! I imagine this is on my mind
to some degree because December is a time
in which all of us are thinking about gifts . . .
both the giving and receiving. How priceless
is the gift of friendship. Here i am, nigh onto
70 years of age and it continues to amaze. One
might ask, "What have I ever done to receive
a gift of such enormity?! All I can say once again,
is how grateful I am to the gods for such a gift.
I would reiterate . . . I only pray I am worthy of
the gift of friendship. This gift always lurks near
but today it is on my mind because I have just
spent several hours with a couple of dear friends
who have once again left me speechless. I pray
that as we choose the presents we wish to share
at Yuletide and Christmas Even, that friendship
be the gift of highest priority. Sweet chocolates,
delectable wine, the finest port . . . all fun pressies
but not long lasting. Friendship, on the other hand,
reigns eternal . . . may we continue to share it.

fun yuletide presents
longing to open and share
let it be friendship

12/11/18

So, what is mother trying to tell me? I've made
an effort to talk to her at least once a week. I
made a promise that I would do so and mostly
I have kept it. But, it's only been recently that
she is appearing regularly in my dreams. Last
night I dreamt that my friend and her mother,
along with my mom, came to visit here at the
cabin. It was all very pleasant, amicable even.
Still, I don't get it. I would say she was in her
70's . . . not much older than me . . . still spry
and quite chatty. There we sat, the four of us,
the two elders and the two olders, if you will.
In deference to the olders, I served tea rather
than wine, although my mother would have a
glass from time to time. The two old gals sat
in my comfy chairs and we sat in a couple of
wooden chairs. It was odd in that my friend
lives in New York, our moms have passed,
we live in this tiny, 120 year old cabin, but in
my dream, we coalesced into a perfect state
of dreamscape. I want to know, nay, I NEED
to know, WHY? What was that all about?
Were they just checking in? Did they want
to know how we were? Did they need us to
know that they were fine? There didn't appear
to be any great message . . . but I somehow
felt bereft upon awaking. You can bet she's
in my thoughts now . . . and I impatiently
await the message . . . what can it be?

alas i await
lets not beat around the bush
tis me needs to know

p.s. I recall perfectly before my own father's
passing that he used to tell me he'd inexplicably
been missing his mother. She would come to
him in dreams and they would talk. He left us
not long after . . . rather scares the bejesus out
of me . . .

I think your dream tells you that you have received what you were asking for.  When we spoke you told me about the difficult experiences, feelings, interactions of caring for your mother through her illness/passage time.  You were looking for ways to let go of the pain and shame around it.

Then you wrote a lot about what is of value to you.  Like a Winter Magic gift list.  What happened in your dream sounds like it sums up your gift list.  Beautiful warm connection with friends, family --- easeful and both ordinary and wonderful.

So she shows up and has a lovely visit with you.  What better way to know that what you did was accepted and did what it needed to do?  (Maybe mom read your Christmas/Solstice/Light gift list and gave you your gift in the form of this dream?  "Oh, this is what you want?!  Oh, you want to let go of those old painful memories and emotions?  Here, have this!")  Beautifully done Magnificent Manifest-ess of self-healing!

Peace! Love! Appreciation! Rebeccah

p.s.  I love the way you invite opinion and then discern what is your very own sacred truth.  Thank you for the invitations and acknowledgements. ~Rebeccah White 

 - - -

Dreams come out on their own schedule. I see them as clarifying past mystories. ~Kathleen Ford

12/10/12

I imagine December brings about all sorts of
memories, feelings, sentiments known to man.
Watching the news this morning, something
I should NEVER do, photographs and comments
surrounding the infamous 'wall' appeared. 'Tis a
topic which encourages the old head in the sand
trick. There are truths that simply do not bear
thinking about and this is one of them. I don't
know where to go with this. I don't understand
how this has happened or what I personally can
do about it. I only know that tear stained faces
of the children and parents, the horrors of stories
shared and even worse imagined, keep me awake
at night. I offer no answers, only questions. I
remember how graciously I was accepted into the
Mexican culture, living there happily for 20 years.
I understand the concept of overpopulation. I get
that we took this land from the Native Americans,
fought for it, claimed it and proceeded to build
'walls' around it to protect it from various and sundry.
I know! I know!! I know!!! But still my heart
breaks for those families apart, children crying
themselves to sleep . . . praying that when they
awake the nightmare be over. All I want for
Christmas is NOT peace on earth . . . I want for
the sorrow at the border to somehow END! I
want it to be over, resolved, taken care of. I long
to die knowing that families are reunited and
hearts are healed. I pray . . . Santa Claus, God,
Gods and Goddesses, Higher Powers . . . please,
oh please reunite these families. This is sooooo
not the world I signed up to live in . . .

hearts beyond broken
tears dried up sahara waits
no room in heaven

12/09/18

Pondering pressies . . . truly I have been
thinking of little else since turning to the
last calendar page. God, I so love December!
I'm truly not the rush out to Walmart and 
buy x-mas presents kind of gal! I really
enjoy thinking outside the box when it comes
to gifts . . . and I really, really, really love
presents. I like gifts for every occasion and
in reality, I don't even need a reason. I know
that I make my friends uncomfortable; too
bad . . . not likely I'll change this late in the
day. I like sharing dupes; one really doesn't
need two of everything. Although I'm not
craftsy, I love making my own spice blends,
a few oils, even certain ash creations. This
year, I intend to share heirlooms from my
own store collected over the years,  a kind
of passing on the memories, if you will. But,
perhaps, most of all, I enjoy cooking for those
I love, opening a bottle (or two) of wine, telling
tales out of school . . . souls sharing moments
of love and friendship. If you know me, if you
love me, come on by . . . I'll cook for you . . .

celebrating us
our gifts of friendships untold
seasons and reasons

12/08/18

One of the things I simply love about December
is reconnecting. Reconnection has so many facets;
Christmas cards, Yule tidings, visits, parties and
getting together for lunch. Not to forget that
sometimes we are even moved to write long
overdue letters. I come to feel such an overflowing
of love, kindness, joy; I am simply sated! Last night
was a case in point; a couple from our area came
over for mole, a Mexican dish I tend to do during
the holidays. We are going through those delightful
steps of friendship . . . finding each other, getting
acquainted, enjoying each other's company and
trying new things on for size. So, I ask myself,
why do we have to wait until the holidays to make
this kind of thing happen? Obviously, we go out to
lunch, see friends, have the odd party throughout
the year . . . but it's December when we are so
moved to go the extra mile. If I am granted the
gift of 2019, I'm going to strive to bring a little bit
of December into each of the months. Me thinks
'twould be fun to see where that takes me.

tis holiday cheer
so loving celebrations
a gift of the gods

12/07/18

Yesterday afternoon I spent some time cooking
with a dear friend. The entire experience was so
enjoyable that I was reminded of the different
gifts food brings. Obviously, there is the gift of
anticipation. It's quite delicious thinking about a
friend coming over and all the fun you're going
to have preparing a meal. Yet, another part of the
anticipation, is the actual planning the cooking
and acquiring and amassing the ingredients. I
love all the parts of it; the foods laid out, seeing
what you forgot and getting it together, pots
and pans to go with the different parts of the
meal. Then begins the cutting, chopping, stir
frying, adding in the bits and pieces, along with
the tasting. I love the tasting . . . the textures
rolling around your tongue, gifting delectable
flavors and memories as you bring the meal to
fruition. And, I simply can't decide which is the
best part, the cooking together or the savoring
of the meal once it's finished. I love eating out;
there are many delightful components to that as
well . . . but, I'm not sure it ever compares to
the turning of your own kitchen into that magical,
alchemical kingdom of scents and sights, mess
and chaos . . . the pure magic of a meal shared.
a food for the gods
tis a taste of paradise
a sharing bar none

12/06/18

What is it about the past that both inspires and
haunts us? As we have spent 2018 moving from
my mountain residence into this tiny 120 year old
cabin, 'tis the question I have been pondering.
I've been adamant about keeping everything
to time and place as correct as possible. I feel
beyond fortunate that so many artifacts from my
grand parents and great grandparents have found
their way to me. When I find myself holding a
wineglass my grandmother may have hoisted in
days of yesteryear, I am transported. I caress
grandfather's pipe, dust a frame from WW I, take
a bite of pie from an age old silver spoon and I
am humbled. My ancestors, my very own elders,
fought the wars, smoked the pipes, ate on the
hand painted plates and rocked in that special
chair. I still think of myself as that little girl, the
young wife and mother, that inspired teacher, a
mover and shaker of my era . . . and here I am,
nigh onto 70 years of age. When did this happen?
Will my children raise grandmother's crystal to
me when I pass? Will my grandsons rock in great
grandmother's chair? Will my unborn great grand
children break the china? Alas, I do not belong to
these new ways and days of chrome and plastic . . .
Me thinks my soul is very well suited to my sweet,
old, ancient cabin. If only the walls could talk . . .

bygone memories
sepia tone phogotraphs
ages colliding

12/05/18

As I approach nigh onto 70 years on this planet
I realize a kind of letting go needs to happen in
the arena of one's own hopes and dreams. It is
important NOT to embrace this concept as a giving
up, but rather an acknowledgement of the rational.
For example, I will never bear another child, but
I thrill in my own children and friends of their age.
I won't return to teaching at my high school, but I
much enjoy teaching small classes in Paganism at
my cabin. I can remember my mother telling me
to watch my language. Alas, now it's me . . .
reminding myself to be positive, let go of the
negative and strive for all that is within my reach.
And I intend to do exactly that! I'm going to let
go of the negative, the impossible, the unreachable
and embrace my children, my friends, my man
and whatever is left of this life that the gods have
granted me!

time to say goodbye
letting go of yesteryear
hello tomorrow

12/04/18

As I have pondered the topic, I realize I don't 

seem to have any issue with letting go of what 

I would consider offenses against me. I seem 

to understand that these things happen, I try 

not to take them personally and I let them go.

My issue seems to be not being able to let go 

of my own shortcomings, especially when they 

affect how I feel about myself. The usual sins, 

as I seem to perceive them . . . too much to drink, 

raising my voice to my mate, overeating,

being a bit impatient with someone who means 

a great deal to me . . . all seem unforgivable to 

me on some level. My man often says to me, 

"Don't be so hard on yourself!" I love that! I am

impressed that he gets it . . . now if only I would 

get it as well! Bottom line, once the problem is 

identified, it needs to be dealt with. Let's see how

that works out!

forgiving myself

others yes but no way me

out of the question

12/03/18

I imagine we've all heard the old adage, "Timing is everything."
I know it, I've known it all my life, but somehow I didn't know it,
know it! I've been talking about letting go for several years and
yet here I am, only now finally, truly ready to address the issue.
Me thinks I needed a swift kick to the backside to jumpstart my
own procrastination. Yesterday, I embraced the subject via FB
and had some interesting insights shared. Strangely enough,
one that most impressed me came from Face Book itself . . .

"I refuse to go back to the old me. I
am becoming a much better person by
using my past experiences as lessons."
Attitude to Inspiration

Needless to say, if you're watching for it, wisdom can be found
most anywhere. So, consider me watchful because I intend to
find the wisdom to let go anywhere and everywhere I can!

letting go at last
a true lesson in timing
finally ready

12/02/18

Letting go is an art I never learned. I've never
understood the actual physical process. I get
that it's important, needed, required for personal
growth. But, I simply don't know how. Here I am,
nigh onto seventy years of age (When and how did
that happen?!), and I still don't get it. I shared this
with a friend yesterday. She suggested that since
I didn't comprehend letting go, perhaps I could
transform the essence of what I needed to discard.
She intimated that transformation is actually another
side to letting go and my mind might be able to cope
with it better. Her insights sparked yet another idea.
If you have found a clearer understanding of this
concept and are comfortable with the idea of sharing
your thoughts, please do so here . . .

so need to let go
somehow i don't understand
lead me by the hand

12/01/18

December, welcome! We've been waiting eleven
months for you to arrive . . . and yeah, I'll admit
it . . . sometimes I read the end of mysteries first
so I don't have to be nervous the entire book! So,
December . . . decorate the tree, mail the x-mas
cards, wrap and hide the pressies, start thinking
about the menu, forgive and forget . . . so many
things to get done before the day actually arrives!
And not to forget, but are you a Christmas Eve kind
of person or are you the actual, wait until Christmas
morning, type? You'll laugh, but I solved that little
problem by celebrating Yule instead . . . December
21st, first day of winter. So, what is Yule exactly?
Yes, I know, we grew up hearing the terms Yule
and Yuletide greetings, and some even used them
interchangeably with Christmas and other sundry
phrases. Yule is actually one of the eight Pagan
holidays, you know . . . along with the first days of
spring, summer and fall, May day and Halloween?!
So, whichever be your persuasion, Merry Christmas,
Happy Hanukkah, Sweet Saturnalia and Yule tidings
of great joy to you! Bottom line . . . long live December!

holidays await
so love me some december
wheres the mistletoe

12/01/18

Smiling as I read this, for its own sweet sake, and also because it got me thinking about my own "big day".  It's the Christmas Bird Count, always on the third Saturday in December, and the one day all winter when I have visitors. This will be my 30th. It begins around 4:00 a.m. when I wrap myself in a warm blanket and sit outside for two frigid hours listening for owls (three species last year). Then I shower and put out plates of food and people begin to arrive around 7:30 - the count leader always with a jar of local honey for me. We spend the morning tooling around our designated circle in search of birds, sometimes in sub-zero temperatures, then return to the house where lunch and cordials await by the wood stove. Once we're warm and sated, we depart for another area a few miles away and race to beat the setting sun. We return to the wood stove to make sure that we've counted all the birds (24 species is a respectable count), and to retell of the ones that surprised us (one year 100 Bohemian Waxwings eating juniper berries). The tally will be delivered at a chili dinner where competitive birders drip with jealousy, disbelief or disappointment. All this feeds into over 100 years of records that are painting a stark picture of how climate change is affecting birds. Other than that, it's a wonderful celebration of nature with good food and old friends...what more could a person ask for?

~Audrey Boag

11/30/18

Reconnection . . . one simply has to wonder
what it's all about. Is is magical? Is it pre-
ordained? Happenstance? Important? A gal
from my high school got in touch with me on
FB thanks to a couple of friends that we have
in common. She said she knew me but I didn't
remember her. Frankly, there are a lot of years
between 15 and 69 and I most likely don't recall
a lot of people and events from that era. Long
story short, I invited her to lunch. Even when
she walked in, I didn't recognize her. Then we
opened the yearbooks . . . and there she was,
our pictures side by side; I recalled her perfectly.
Bottom line, life is fascinating, strange, alluring
in all its aspects. We spent a lovely day together,
many memories, recollections and tales out of
school, as it were; most fun! Life is like that, isn't
it? You go along each day, minding your own
business and doing the best you can. And then,
something happens and you're cast back into a
sea of memories long misplaced and dusty. Almost
magical! Tish, bless you for the reminiscings . . .

wanna take a ride
a trip down memory lane
unlikely travels

11/29/18

It's all fair in love and Walmart! We had
to stop by yesterday to cash a check for
number one lover. As the young man
behind the cash register counted out his
money, the lad remarked, "Oh look, a ten;
I didn't know we had any tens." Coming
directly back to the car, my guy pulls out
his cash, recounts it, and guess what?
NO TEN SPOT! After the initial outrage,
he commented, "I've never before been
conned so slick!" On a larger scale of
sorrow, we heard on early morning news
today that a young man in a local park
was found shooting, sadly ending up as
a suicide by cop. As December approaches
with its glitz, parties and celebrations, we
tend to forget the sadness behind the bright
lights. For every child receiving a sack
load of Santa pressies, yet another doesn't
know where the next meal is coming from.
There are families going through their own
private hell in order to make a special holiday
for their children. Others, out of despair,
resort to petty theft or worse. And, not to
forget the CARAVAN, fighting cold, hunger
and exhaustion . . . no matter personal points
of view. Obviously, none of us are Mother
Teresa, but let's open our hearts and minds
to be ever vigilant, careful and thoughtful,
and as giving as we possibly can. Perhaps
it would be much better to celebrate half
and gift the rest. After all, our coffers and
larders are full, yet 'tis not so for many
others. Here's me wishing all of us amazing
holidays and open arms and hearts!

sadness and glories
pray grant me many merries
can't hack the sorrows

22/28/18

The perfect date . . . I hark back to the days of yore
and think about the dating game. Being 69 years of
age, I suppose my ideas of dating back then would
be very different than what young people today
would believe to be perfection. I can recall going
to the A and W Root Beer stand for a float and
thinking that was rather fun. Although I didn't like
root beer, I think it was the idea of it that I liked. I
loved indoor rollerskating, outdoor picnics, long
walks and short hikes, window shopping and ice
cream cones, as well as NOT walking dogs in the
park. There is something my man and I much
rather relish now; we like to sit by the fire with
a bit of low mood music in the background . . .
(we especially like a thunderstorm) . . . and a
bottle of red between us. If it's early, we are both
fond of tea, and frankly, 'tis hard to tear ourselves
away. I imagine, the magic of the fire is hard to
beat! I do know I can be antsy, upset, even
depressed, and a couple of hours by the fire, and
it's all good. Forget therapy, just give me a few
sticks and a match . . . well, I suppose the wine
helps as well. Wanna date?

baby light my fire
magic waiting to happen
do come sit with me

11/27/18

I have always appreciated my kids, make no mistake!
But, perhaps because of the holidays of late, I've had
this opportunity to sit back and enjoy them in their
various roles as parents, guests, chefs and friends. I
watched my daughter preparing amazing foods, utterly
at home amongst all the brouhaha that goes on at
familial gatherings. My thoughts ran along the lines of
"Oh my God, we actually brought these incredible people
into the world!" I swear, I even had this aha moment
as Michelangelo's Creation of Adam popped into my
head . . . "Oh, so this is what God must have felt like."
I was similarly moved last night when we had supper
with my son. We sat in the kitchen over a glass of wine
as he prepared this amazing soup from scratch. It was
a bit like being in a 3-D movie . . . surrealistic! I was
so moved, I kept tearing up! What a gift our children
are! Somehow, I need to write a thank you letter to
God! . . . and Don Luis Ferreira . . . we done good!!!

bright blessings ahoy
overwhelmed with gratitude
must pay the piper

11/26/18

Freud notwithstanding, have you ever wondered
where your dreams come from? I'm no Freudian
Psychologist, but I've been having some doozies.
Obviously, there are, too much beer at the game
dreams, ate too much at Thanksgiving dreams,
had a fight with my lover dreams, and not to
forget, haven't been laid in ages dreams. And, I
imagine we could add in the nightmares. Not sure
I can pay all the bills this month nightmares, So
wish I hadn't said that nightmares, will she ever
speak to me again nightmares, as well as, I thought
I had gotten over that when I was a kid nightmares.
I've been having such horrific nightmares of late
that if Freud were alive today, I'd be making an
appointment. Yes, I know you're not supposed to
have a heavy meal before bedtime, I understand
you're not to have more than one drink (alright,
maybe two) before going to bed, and I get that
you're supposed to have a clear conscience . . .
although I'm not sure if that is supposed to give
you a good night's rest or be insurance against
hell if you die in the night! Whatever! Tonight,
I'm going to forego supper, lose the proverbial
glass of wine, say my prayers and hope for the
best. I'm exhausted and I need some sleep.

i am begging you
now i lay me down to sleep
pray give me good rest

11/25/18

Who am I? What am I? Where am I going?
Have I lived a worthwhile life? Am I worthy?
Do I measure up? Have I even earned the
right to hope for whatever happens next?
Near the end of our sojourn here on earth,
I imagine these to be the questions we will
ask ourselves. For my part, I don't wish to
wait that long . . . It may be scary as hell,
but I need to hold myself accountable now.
I want to know the truth whatever that may
be and at whatever cost. Perhaps it simply
trickles down to, "Who do I want to be when
I grow up?" I used to worry about what others
thought of me; now, I am mostly concerned
about what I think of me . . . a true turnabout!
Leaving the ethereal aside, "Where do I go from
here?" Is it a question of facing each day anew?
Making well thought out choices? Examining
each action before even happening and aligning
those actions with my own personal philosophy?
Am I touting Shakespeare now? "To thine own
self be true?" Do all and sundry face this agony
with age? What now? Perhaps I should embrace
all this new age ideology. Is it really that easy?
Create myself through thought and self-acceptance?
Maybe easy isn't quite the right word, but whatever
it is, wherever I go from here, I am no longer an
innocent abroad . . . I now live in the realm of
been there, done that; I have to take responsibility
for me, even if this requires growing up at seventy.
Frankly, I am tired just thinking about it; may the
gods grant me courage . . .

longing for answers
dont even know the questions
will there be a test

11/24/18

To my children from another mother . . . I am
missing you! In this modern world in which we
live, a world in which one is often married more
than once, there are children . . . wondrous, sweet
children. They steal your heart and little by little
they become yours . . . not yours entirely because
they belong to another mother. Nonetheless, they
are somehow born of your soul. You have to learn
to let go as they grow up, go away to college, fall
in love and create families of their own. You have
to learn to let go because this is life, a very, very
busy life and the absence of enough time steals
them away. I suspect holidays brings this missing
a bit more to the forefront. So, know that I love
you, my children from another mother. May the
gods hold you close until I can embrace you again.

sometimes my heart aches
finding myself missing you
memories comfort

11/23/18

My fetish might just be keeping my space fairly
organized 'mongst this whole moving trauma.
I can even hear my mother nagging me from the
beyond, "You need to get your desk cleaned off
and your documents filed." So, I finally give in.
Trudging over to the library where my office is,
carrying all these papers, I catch myself muttering
under my breath, almost grumpy teenager style.
It's freezing out there so I turn up the heater, but
I know I'll be finished before it ever warms up.
However, I actually start to warm to the task as
I get into it. As I file, I'm able to put some things
through the shredder, and even though I don't
like filing, I content myself with the fact that come
tax time, I'll be glad I did it. I'm about three or
four papers away from finished when I spy a bill,
a $50.00 bill!!! Unbelievable! I haven't seen a
$50.00 in so many years I thought the banks had
canceled their printing! Where the hell did it
come from? Do you think my mother found a
way to reward me for getting my chores done?
I'm halfway between the awe of the find and the
chagrin I feel, when I look up and say, "Thanks,
mom!" The adult me knows this is impossible,
yet . . . perhaps stranger things have happened.

grinch that i may be
tis a day for miracles
yes i am thankful

11/22/18 - Thanksgiving

Only yesterday we were celebrating Halloween;
today we'll do Thanksgiving and nigh onto tomorrow,
it'll be Christmas. I find all these celebrations a tad
exhausting, yet exhilarating. Such fun! Such family!!
Such joy!!! I know it was only a few days ago that I
wrote something about holidays so this has been
preying on my mind. Holiday exhaustion aside, I've
been wondering how we could incorporate more of
this into our lives rather than less. There simply has
to be a way to bring in more jubilation into our daily
scene rather than the mundane . . . or should it be,
spicing up the mundane to make it more celebratory?
Isn't it champagne that makes orange juice brunch
rather than breakfast?! I think we can apply this
principle even sans champagne! A love note in the
sack lunch, perhaps? Supper a the dinner table
rather than in front of the TV? Invite a girlfriend to
lunch . . . let's picnic at the weekend? I imagine if
we all gave it some thought, even shared our ideas,
we could come up with a plethora of scenarios. I
think I'm going to do an after the TG blues surprise
picnic in bed for my guy . . . could be fun?! Who
knows what I might come up with for dessert!

lets spice up our days
a lot of play and no work
sounds like the ticket

11/21/18

I had been thinking of the written word when this old
adage popped up, "Reading gives us someplace to go
when we have to stay where we are." ~Mason Cooley
Cooley, known for his aphorisms, said it all when he
came out with this one! I've often thought that the
greatest gift my parents gave me after the gift of life,
was the gift of reading. The hours I have spent in the
joys of tumbled thoughts and glorious travels are, to
this day, beyond priceless. I suppose now would be an
appropriate time to confess to book hoarding . . . I even
have my own library, thousands and thousands of
books. Yesterday, i was compelled to take a truckload
of books to the DAV as there was simply no space in
which to house them; this cabin is ever so tiny . . .
I wept copiously! I bet when Jesus said it was more
blessed to give than to receive, he wasn't talking about
books! So, today is one of those perfect days to stay
abed under the comforter and read until twilight! A
fantasy at best . . . alas, Thanksgiving prep awaits!

clearly most thankful
but would rather be reading
family beckons

11/20/18

"I want to be a hater when I grow up!" said no child
ever! Nonetheless, hate, loathing, spite, negativity
are everywhere you look. Truly, I doubt very much
that any of us start out trying to be haters . . . but,
"I hate okra! I can't stand that witch next door!! I
loathe politicians!!! . . . are part of our daily rhetoric.
Nor is it necessary to be a Pollyanna. Indeed, we are
surrounded by a plethora of negativity. How can we
help but hate the horrific things that are occurring in
our world today?! No matter your political persuasion,
no one can like world hunger and starvation, wife and
child abuse, animal cruelty nor the collection of isms
that exist. So, where do we go from here? Being a
Pollyanna doesn't address the horrors in our existence,
nor do we necessarily have the means at our fingertips
to address the world sorrows. Reality dictates that we
can't turn a blind eye to those serious hates heretofore
mentioned. I catch myself remembering a sweet little
ditty from childhood, "Brighten the corner where you
are." I think therein lies the answer. If we each commit
to those few and wondrous acts of daily kindness and
positivity, at least our own corners will be brighter.
And, we all have several corners we can decorate
with loveliness . . . let's do this!

so fearing the dark
the boogeyman is hatred
lets turn on the lights

11/19/18

I've been thinking . . . now there's an idea! No really,
I've been thinking about what it is to be happy. I've
read all the gurus, the articles, the how to's . . . but
not really sure that I'm any closer. The great masters
seem to think that striving for contentment is what
it's all about. The New Agers believe they have all the
answers. The masters of yesteryear have written
volumes on the subject, droning on and on, but me
thinks I need a synthesizer! And, not to forget the holy
books . . . the Bible, the Koran, the Talmud and others.
I can't help but think that each and every believe they
possess the answers, but bottom line, perhaps the truth
is that the answer lies within and that happiness is
actually different for all of us. I hark back to high school
when all the girls were making cute little 'Happiness is"
lists with drawings of hearts and tears throughout. But
alas, I'm not 15 anymore . . . so where do I go from here?
I do know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my children
make me happy! My friends turn my sorrows to joy and
brush away my tears. Teaching . . . WOW! Now, there's
something that has bought me joy untold. Now, I'm
thinking I need to synthesize! Maybe I'm overthinking
this a bit. Maybe happiness isn't in the grandiosity of the
cosmos, but rather in those little bits and pieces of every
day. It comes to me that I'd better be doing an about
face and change my way of thinking. I'm going to take a
peek in the corners of my mind and start making my own
mini-list, albeit sans the hearts and tears . . .

seeking happiness
children friends travels and kin
finding it within

11/18/18

My doc insists that I drink 8 - 10 glasses of water
a day . . . AND keep a water log, pun intended.
Frankly, I've never drunk so much in my life; me
thinks I'm nigh onto dead in the water! I suppose
from a religious point of view, 'tis the water of life
and that has to mean a great deal. Alas, I'm like
a fish out of water there! At 69, and traversing a
steep flight of stairs, I would like to sleep through
the night, but if I have to choose between a healthy
liver and a fall down the rickety stairs, guess I'll
choose the former as me loves my red! I do have
to be careful so as not to get in hot water though.
My man says the 8 - 10 a day doesn't hold water
as everything we eat is water, but I must obey. I
actually haven't had a marg in many a moon as
our fave watering hole lost its liquor license . . .
Still, can't help but wonder if they count as water
intake! We've gone back there a couple of times
to test the waters, but I would have to admit
that even the best of Mexican food tastes even
more spectacular with a marg! Well, 'tis water
under the bridge. As retirees, we only eat out
about once a month, so come hell or high water,
we'll be finding a new place. Well, here's to you,
as I life my glass of H2O; just keeping my head
above water. And, just so you know, I'll be in
deep water if I don't win this bet that I can use
the damn word umpteen times in a paragraph!!!

punny mood today
me thinks tis thirst killing me
pray bring the drinks stat

11/17/18

I am renewed! What is it about spending quality
time with old friends that so heals the spirit?!
I am sorely tempted to name them goddesses!
Obviously, we most often pause in our busy lives
to think about friendship and hour our close buds
on February 14. Alas, I find I cannot wait that long.
Over the past couple of years, dealing with illness,
moving into the cabin (like trying to fit a five-gallon
bucket into an eight of a teaspoon!!!), I have had
the amazing opportunity to re-visit the true meaning
of friendship. We all love people, people we call friends,
yet sometimes life conspires to separate us for reasons
of no ill will; it simply is what it is. Life and living get
in the way and we are all dancing as fast as we can,
to quote Barbara Gordon. I have sorely missed those
with whom I have not been able to stay in touch and
thrill at the encounters of re-connection with others.
What gifts life does visit upon us . . . in the strangest
of manners, often unexpectedly! I find myself silently
swearing an oath to find a way to honor those I have
much loved during my lifetime. Friendship ROCKS!!!

enjoying friends
loves of different flavors
gifts of a lifetime

11/16/18 - Lady Hekate

I always look forward to November 16 as
it is the day in which the Greek Goddess,
Lady Hekate, is honored. As she is a major
figure n Greek mythology, I imagine most
of you are familiar with her on some level.
One of the salient features of this triple
goddess Hekate is, she is known as the dark
goddess of the three-way crossroads. When
I purchased my 120 year old cabin almost
seven years ago, it was obvious that it
actually sat on a three-way crossroads,
hence the most appropriate naming of the
cabin, The Lady Hekate. I find myself
enamored of the legends and lore of this
historical figure. She is most often depicted
in ancient Greek art as the bearer of twin
torches, lighting the way, as it were. She
also bears a ring of keys, yet another detail
for which she is known. Interestingly enough,
as we rehabbed the cabin, we found keys,
both archaic and modern, buried or strewn
about the property. With the vast, almost
encyclopedic knowledge known of Hekate,
it seems a bit rich to dedicate one paragraph
to her. Nonetheless, Lady Hekate ROCKS!!!

remembering you
mystical goddess of threes
pray stand in my dark

you at the crossroads
two torches lighting the way
pray shine on my path

lady hekate
triple goddess of the night
pray bring me your keys

11/15/18

I'm running behind, a place where we all have been.
It not only affects your sense of accomplishment,
but somehow it establishes itself in such a manner
that it becomes sort of a permanent state. I'm not
certain, exactly, how this happens. I suppose some
of us are list makers along with checking off and/or
crossing off. Others probably have some kind of
fluctuating list in their heads that they work with.
On a professional level, bosses demand . . . but we
are no different on the personal level. As adults, we
come to expect that each day we accomplish a given
number of tasks that bring us nearer to our goals,
whatever those may be. I find I don't have an answer.
Does dismissing the list help? Short term goals? Long
term goals? Saunter through life as it comes to you?
Or, is there a reasonable way to confront our needs,
our responsibilities, map out a general plan and simply
do each day what you can? My dad used to quote the
old adage, "The hurrier I go, the behinder I get"!
Me thinks I need a vision, a visit from the gods, some
instruction please! One way or another, it's on my list
 . . . let's see if I get a visitation!

expecting to find
a genie in a bottle
need a miracle

11/14/18

When I was taking my degree in Religion and
Philosophy, I remember studying the *11 great
religions of the world. I would have to admit
that only five of the eleven are likely household
words today. And, although that was about 100
years ago, alright, 45 . . . according to my research
the list remains virtually the same. I find it vastly
interesting that a subject, namely religion, could
be so divisive. And, as I understood it, Paganism
wa the oldest religion in the world and it wasn't
even on the list. So, what does all of this mean?
And where do we go from here? I think actually,
that we probably tend to form our own belief
systems depending on a number of factors such
as place of birth, familial ties, personal interests
and choices. And, as we are each such different
peoples, why shouldn't it be thus? I would hope
that one day, religion will be seen as a personal
choice along with where you choose to live, the
language you speak and how you like to dress.
God only knows, or should I say, the gods only
know, if and when that miracle could happen.

of the gods i sing
mighty wonders to behold
to believe or not

*Christianity
Islam
Hinduism
Buddhism
Sikhism
Judaism
Bahaism
Confucianism
Jainism
Shintoism
Zoroastraianism

11/13/18

In a world of fake, what comprises real?
Who are we? We who enjoy a good novel,
many a fine movie, make up to cover the
blemishes, push up bras, slenderizing girdles,
and fast cars as we use our crutches and
walkers . . . So, who are we in reality? It's
a hard call to pull off real in today's world.
We face each day with a torrent of ads,
all of which are about helping us to lose
weight, look prettier, gain popularity,
enhance muscle, and sell our souls to the
highest bidder. I'm not saying that the
fictitious has no place in our lives, I would
simply prefer that the non-fiction were the
meat and potatoes and the fiction the dessert.
Bottom line . . . who do I want to be when
I grow up? Do I have the courage to strive
for real? Can I leave popular fashion behind
and dress for comfort? Am I up to reading
literature over movies every night? Can I
give comfort over platitudes? Will I ever be
the real me and give up on the fictitious?
Just point me in the right direction and tell
me where I can sign up . . .

longing for real
so tired of fairy tales
courage to be me

11/12/18

I appreciate all the thought and research that
went into the political postings in the past few
months. There were those that took a lot of
trouble over their choices, looked into the
truth or error of each one and considered the
sensibilities of others. Once the election took
place, I mistakenly thought there would be a
bit of a break from posts such as these. I've
come to the conclusion that there are those
who are simply political animals, as it were,
and they are deeply interested in the topic
and wish to keep us informed. In all my years,
I don't think I ever really considered the
position of a political personality vs. an
apolitical one. Now it is much clearer to me.
I much honor each person's right for their
own belief system, their political persuasion
and their right to free speech. And, I even
appreciate in myself the learning curve that
has occurred during this past political period.
Still, I come to the conclusion that each of us
remain basically who we are, unpersuaded of
different opinions and views. Why then, is it
so important to speak out if we indeed do not
change? Me thinks it harks back, once again,
to the individual rights this country provides
us . . . and that is both priceless and amazing!

who am i today
appreciating freedoms
believing thusly

11/11/18

Of late, I've been contemplating the differences
between existing and actually living. It is indeed
something, to come to the end of your life and
question yourself if you have actually lived or if
you've solely given in to existing. Thank the gods
that we each have lists of wondrous and glorious
moments in which we actually lived, putting our
lives on the line for a given experience . . . but
perhaps the question really refers to, What is our
usual? D we live vicariously through the media?
The television? Our fave movies? The odd show?
Or, do we actually get out there and do the hike,
try out the snowboard, ski the slopes, travel and
see the world? Do we possess stories to tell or
do they belong to our heroes? Can se tell tales
out of school, or are they those of our sheroes?
Perhaps, in our elder years, we may be tempted
to hang up our skates, but I keep seeing photos
and stories of these amazing women in their 90's
still dancing, still hiking, still LIVING! Me thinks
'tis time to assess our position and get the hell
out of Dodge!

pray give me courage
to act out my own crazy
still craving real life

11/10/18

Yesterday, my man invited me to a Western Fest
of Wanted Dead or Alive.  I've always enjoyed his
Westerns although they might not be my usual
first choice of genre. I can't help but wonder, what
it is about Westerns that tug at us? Is it a secret
longing for the past? Do they fascinate us when
we see the changes, the differences, between
then and now? Perhaps, we are drawn to the
fashions of yesteryear. Or maybe, it's the quickly
settled justice that seems to prevail 'mongst the
villains of yore. The marshal as hero or even the
clear differences between the good buys and the
bad guys that  make for good storytelling. For me,
I appreciate the reminder . . . good ultimately
triumphs over evil; the good guys always win.
Looking at the fact that I've chosen to upend my
entire life, move into a 120 year old cabin, decorate
it solely with familial antiques and forego most
conveniences, I have to wonder if I'm not somehow
trying to re-birth myself into a past long forgotten?!
Me things you best doff the hat when next greeting
me and please don't mind my side holster . . .

tis rebirthing me
in order to find myself
process most painful

11/09/18

I find the end-of-year holidays fascinating;
Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas,
each in their designated month. We all love
our holidays, our celebrations and I imagine
we each have a fave. For me it's Halloween,
known in my vernacular as Samhain. I begin
gathering my Halloween decor throughout
September, hardly able to wait until October
arrives to begin decorating. And here we are
sandwiched between a late desertion of trick
or treat and the early arrival of x-mas sox.
Poor Thanksgiving barely stands a chance.
I hear complaints about the stores bringing
in Christmas decor even before Halloween
arrives, but that's business at its best. It has
occurred to me that it's time to get even III
So, I've decided NOT to take down Halloween
until the night before Christmas. Should you
come to the cabin for a visit, expect to find
Jack-o-lanterns rather than pumpkin pies,
skeletons instead of Saint Nick and black and
orange candles, not red and green. Long live
Halloween!

a true confusion
thinking sleigh bells and presents
tis ever hallows

11/08/19

Got mail? I received an actual card in the mail
yesterday. I simply held it in my hands for a few
moments before opening it. It's something, you
know, a real card in this day and age. I've been
sending e-cards for a couple of years now. Has
something to do with me being able to program
a whole month of cards into the computer on the
first day of the month and that way, I don't forget
anyone's birthday. Rather quick and dirty for thank
you cards as well. So, finally, I open the card . . .
it's not an everyday thing. Frankly, I was cherishing
the feel of it in my hands. Thick paper, that lovely
new paper scent, and then a personal missive. I
was quite moved . . . and then, onto the refrigerator
it went. Now, I can see it every time I walk by! I
thought maybe I should discard a couple of others
I had on the fridge, but when it came down to it,
no could do! Love the cards! Sooooo, I think I'm
inspired; don't be surprised if you get a card from
me in the next day or two!

me thinks real matters
something i had forgotten
remembering now

11/07/18

Like the caveman of yesteryear, I have had to
come to the conclusion that fire is pure magic!
I can be upset beyond reason and if I sit by the
fire awhile, everything comes into perspective.
Sometimes, I'm feeling excited and overjoyed,
(a good place to be right?!) and the fire is
rather the icing on the cake. On the occasion
when I am overwhelmed with grief, 'tis only
the fire that can soothe and comfort me. So,
what's my excuse this time? Not that one needs
an excuse to light the fire, but my man has
mentioned something about me using up all the
firewood before winter proper . . . this time I'm
lighting the fire in joy, pure unadulterated joy!
I get to spend the evening with my bestie who
lives out of town and as we talk the night away,
the fire enhances the bliss I feel, simply warming
the cockles of my soul . . .

magic of the night
burns at the seat of my soul
the glory of fire

11/06/18 - Election Day

Today is just another day, right?! Wrong! I can't
even begin to imagine how nervous we all are,
how concerned . . . sending our pleas into the
universe and hoping for the best. The thing we
should probably all remember is that, no matter
what happens, there will be those who won and
those who lost, those who are triumphant and
those who are drowning in sorrow. I have not
the wisdom to know how long it will take for our
country to heal after an election. I know not if
the winners can take the high road and be kind
or if they will stoop to rubbing noses in it. Pray
that along with whatever happens in the next
few hours, we can all do a bit of growing up. I
know that I certainly need to grow; pray tell!

standing on the bring
somewhere between hope and fear
pray i be wiser

11/05/18

I can't help but wonder if a trip down memory lane
constitutes its own version of time travel?! Several
of my old students provided me with my own ticket
yesterday. This had to be one of the most amazing
experiences I've ever had. To have them show up
together, see them as adults, responsible citizens,
loving spouses and parents, with a glass of wine in
hand, no less. I found myself being much moved by
these young women who prepared such a bountiful
banquet, right down to the essentials so I wouldn't
have to wash dishes afterwards. Fancy desserts and
a bouquet of lovely flowers topped it all off.
Absolutely best of all, of course, was visiting with
them, listening to their hopes and dreams, observing
their obvious friendship, and love for their families.
I simply feel deeply honored to know them. Harking
back, I thank the gods that I was given the opportunity
to be a teacher. I truly believe there is no greater
privilege than the sharing in the lives and learning
with our young people. What a gift! One of my
students made the remark that the bottom line, the
essence, is whether you love your work or not. I
would have to agree although I don't recall thinking
in those terms exactly. This I know; I loved teaching,
I adored my students . . . what a privilege to serve.

a ticket to ride
a trip down memory lane
hold onto your hats

11/04/18

I wonder, have we always experienced so
much sorrow? I imagine the answer would
have to be, yes! It seems each generation
has known war, hunger, lack of hearth and
home, a need of warmth, a cry for help.
Hark back to the slogans . . . Think positive!
Be happy! Yet, obviously, there are certain
needs that have to be met in order for said
slogans to come to fruition. And as we are
living today midst dire questions such as,
Who do we vote for? What do we do with the
broken families at the border? How do we
help and/or address the needs of the caravan?
Me thinks these issues have little or nothing
to do with our political leanings and more to
do with our own sense of right and wrong. I
certainly don't have the answers, so why
bring up these issues at all? Again, it occurs
to me that I may not be of much help to all
the ongoing problems that surround us. There
is a limit to the donations I can make or the
food I can gift . . . but, if each of us commit
to helping as many as we can, those nearest
us, the world will ultimately be a better place.
Just think about it . . . again with the concentric
circles . . . it all starts with ME, with YOU with
US, and as each of us reaches out a helping hand,
the ripple effect will have some kind of positive
effect. Let's each DO our part. Let's each HELP
someone near us. Let's each MAKE something
good happen and surely our gifts will keep on
giving.

there must be a way
finding myself at a loss
i so long to help

11/03/18

We are each born with a broad variety of cultures
to our credit column . . . albeit our racial heritage
such as Jewish, English, German, Asian, African.
Add in our wondrous paint palette . . . red, yellow,
black, white . . . our fun features . . . tall, short,
fat, thin . . . our personality traits . . . gregarious,
private, quiet, loud, interesting, dull, fun, boring . . .
and we have a myriad of amazing souls on this
planet that seem bound and determined NOT to
get along. I like to think that in the nigh onto 100
years I've been on this planet that things have
improved. Yet, it occurs to me that the only thing
that has changed is the costume in which we
present our own personal 'isms'. Are there truly
any answers? Is there anything really that we can
actually do? Perhaps the old cliche that everything
begins with ME, is right. From there, we make the
effort to make things right within our familial circle.
Choose our friends wisely and carefully . . . and
as each and everyone of us continues on with our
own circles, GOOD will grow. Right will survive.
CORRECT will enhance and perhaps HONOR will
win the day. Start we ME; start with YOU; let's
become US.

exhausted from hate
striving as fast as i can
may peace win the day

11/02/18 - All Souls Day

Thank the gods it's time to make Mole again.
Not that it's ever not Mole Season, but I tend
to like to make it around Tamale Season. I was
rather beyond fortunate that my in-laws swept
me away at the tender age of 18 and spent three
days teaching me to make mole. The women nigh
onto sang and danced their stories, making me one
of the family. Before the mole making began, I had
to promise that I would never share the secret
familial recipe with anyone other than my daughters.
In this world of sibling equality, I've included my sons,
obviously. This old family recipe has right around 100
ingredients; it takes weeks just to amass them. Today,
I'll stem and seed the chile pods and put them on the
boil. I don't even want to talk about all the grinding
and straining that comes later. Through the weeks,
we've all been collecting leftover wine to add to the
mix, if there even is such an animal. Bits and pieces
of chocolate need to be melted (and tasted) as one of
the most fun ingredients. Spices only to be found in
Southern Mexico, much cherished and held close to
the heart must be organized. Ripened bananas . . .
better stop before I tip my hand. These wonderful,
magical ingredients coming together in a three-day
cultural journey of memories, both sorrowful and
joyful, will soon be served over scrumptious chicken,
black beans and yellow rice . . . thus ending in joy
our three days of mourning and remembrance of
our loved ones long lost.

break bread together
sharing both joy and sorrow
remembering you

11/01/18 - Día de los Inocentes

Despierto el día de hoy recordando que es

el Día de los Inocentes. Simplemente la idea

de habernos perdido a tantos niños el la historia

nuestra es suficiente para dejar a uno atónito.

Me imagino que entre los pesares humanos, no

hay alguno que pudiera doler tanto como la

pérdida de un niño. Ojalá tuviéramos los medios,

la inteligencia, el don de Dios, para cuidar a

nuestros hijos de modo que jamás perdiéramos

uno sólo. En éste, el Día de los Inocentes, quiero

también recordar a los padres porque ellos son

los que se queden aquí, tratándose de enfrentar

cada día sin poder ver la carita de su hijo, su

hija . . . sin ganas de vivir pero teniéndose que 

seguir adelante por el resto de la familia, para

proveer para sus necesidades. Pienso en la madre

que se encuentra con los brazos vacíos, los pechos

llenos sin podérsele amamantar a su pequeño. Su

corazón destrozado . . .  valientemente sigue 

poniendo pan a la mesa, lavando la ropa, llorando

a mares cuando se encuentra una prenda de su

hijo ya descansando en paz. Nunca nos hemos

engañado con la idea que la vida es fácil, pero para

los que hayan perdido a un bebé, un niño, la vida

se presenta como la carga más pesado del mundo.

Recordémosles en nuestras plegarías porque ellos

son los verdaderos santos en este arduo camino

sin luz alguna.

luz de mi vida

en dónde te encuentras 

extrañándote

10/31/18 - Samhain

Yay; we woke up to snow at 4:00 this morning!
In days of yesteryear, it was expected that the
first true snow would happen on Halloween. Me
thinks I should buy a lotto ticket! Shoveling
awaits along with guests braving the snow. I
see a cozy fire and hot Irish coffee beckoning.
I look forward to enjoying the last of Samhain,
reminiscing about those I have loved, saying
last goodbyes. It's a bit of a conundrum, this
whole Halloween vs. Samhain. I tend to think
of Halloween as the fun side of the equation
and Samhain as the sacred. When in doubt,
do both, my grandmother used to say! And,
tonight, she is the one perhaps I'll honor the
most. I value so much the life she lived rather
than a life she could have preached. I can see
her now, gathering up all the day's scraps,
making a gravy and setting out the old cast
iron skillet for the local strays to come and eat.
She used to say that barnyard cats were an
important part of keeping the mice at bay. She
was a beautiful woman, often dressed in red,
radiating a magic all her own. As far as I could
tell, she never lost her mystique; she fascinates
me to this day. I want to be just like her when
I grow up!

of samhain i sing
saying goodbye as i sob
precious memories

10/30/18

What an amazing month October has been! I imagine
all of us have a favorite month, albeit our birth month
a special time of year, a certain beloved season. As I
promised myself, I would celebrate every single day
in October. And I freely admit; I am simply exhausted
from celebrating! I feel like I never want to see another
glass of wine, a dish made from an exciting recipe, yet
another special dessert. The best part though, has been
seeing people I love, reconnecting with some I had lost
in the move, spending precious moments with my man.
I can't help but wonder how I'll feel tomorrow . . . my
fave day of the year, Halloween. 'Tis goodbye to the
tenth month turning 69, and hello to the upcoming
dozen months in which, day by day, I'll becoming 70.
I never say it coming; I never say it happening.
Happy birthday to me . . .

too much too many
bidding my fave spell adieu
tis time to man up

10/29/18

Perhaps it is because I spent 20 years in Mexico,
but as Halloween approaches, I find myself thinking
in terms of Día de los Muertos and missing my
people. In our culture, or should I say, my adopted
culture, we believe the veil between the worlds
grows thinner as Samhain approaches and one can
sense the dead, visit with them, ask for their blessing.
You will find this happening all throughout Hispanic
cultures on October 31st, November 1st and 2nd.
Obviously, I am quite fascinated by culture per se,
the blending of old and new belief systems, the sharing
of such across borders and lands, the commonalities
and the differences. Catholicism plays a part as well;
some believing it may be even more cultural than
religious. I have such a myriad of feelings in this
waiting period. I want the cabin to be ready . . . neat
and clean, altars built, flowers (especially marigolds)
and pots all around, photos of my own dead framed
and placed, special foods prepared . . . and always
tears near the surface. With no warning, I see to
begin conversations and then stop myself, knowing
perhaps I should wait until the 31st. Having said that,
nothing stops me from readiness.

alone with my thoughts
i find myself missing you
longing so longing