06/30/19

Early afternoon-ish yesterday, my guy
asked me to come out to the travel trailer
with him as he wanted to show me something.
This happens fairly often as the 'Lady Salem'
is a new addition and we're readying her for
travel. I opened the door to what he called, a
'surprise date.' There was a salad with dressing,
followed by a veggie-quiche. He served me a
glass of red and suggested I save room for dessert.
Wow! Still, I think the thing that moved me most,
he put on an old Yule Brenner Magnificent Seven
as our entertainment during his fun surprise. Who
says chivalry is dead?! I want me some of that!

most gallant of men
almost forgot forgive me
chivalrys not dead

06/29/19

Where do I go from here? As I
approach my elder years, I find
myself longing for personal growth
above all else. Yet, there is one's
present personhood to contend with.
Add in childhood, one's past, the
different personas we must adopt
for work, family, friends, and the
stiff upper lip for hard times . . .
I can't help but wonder if, "It is
what it is." or if we are actually
given the ability, the right, to
create ourselves as we see fit. This
is like a giant puzzle poured out onto
the table of life . . . and I'm still
trying to spot all the edge pieces.
I struggle between wanting to do it
myself and begging for others to
join in the fun . . . did I say fun?!

lost and wandering
who am i supposed to be
twixt fear and longing

06/28/19

I visited with my cousin last night. Her coming
was all about prepping an art exhibit. We helped
her, along with her son-in-law Len. She staged
an 1800's ladies' bath. There were stunning cloth
drapings of gold brocade, porcelain pots of fresh
flowers, thick Indian carpets, a myriad of flickering
candles everywhere . . . the actual bath, teaming
with steam, floating upwards as if from Aladdin's
lamp. Once completed, we were caught somewhere
'twixt exhaustion and amazement; we barely had time
to dress. As the visitors came, one woman in particular
caught my eye. She was nigh onto weeping she was
so taken with the scene. She kept saying, over and
over, "I want to be there, stay there, live there." I
knew exactly what she meant . . . sooooo missing
you, Cherri . . .

of visits and dreams
may i join you sweet sister
so wish to live there

06/27/19

Trembling in my boots . . . just 'twixt
and 'tween here and there, happy and
sad, scared shitless and a positive attitude.
Praying all be well, barely daring to hope,
pleading, demanding, begging for positive
outcomes . . . nigh onto ancient and still
learning my lessons . . . humbling . . .
humbling experience.

my heart hurts ever
pain and fear of losing you
living on my knees

06/26/19

Today is the day I face my fears,
shout my angst at the gods and
beg on bended knee for clemency.
Rather makes one realize, belief
in deity must be ingrained almost
to the point of no freedom of choice.
I would like to admit to a kind of
faith, if you will . . . but, me thinks
it's more along the lines of a need
so immense, so intense that reckless
abandon might be more like it. Poor
God, I feel so sorry for him; it feels
as if I'm grabbing him by the throat,
shaking him and whimpering, "Help,
help me, I sooooo need this miracle."

is it faith or need
a come to jesus moment
pray hear my prayers

06/25/19

Last night we had a bonfire in our back yard,
which once again, made patently clear the
pure magick of fire. I wasn't in the best place
when we went out there. There was some chat,
but per se, we simply stared into the fire. From
time to time, more wood was gathered, added;
sparks flying up and out. The darker it got, the
more I was able to sink my soul into the healing
flames. As the evening progressed, noise stilled
and night sounds became more vibrant. A rustling
in the grass, wind picking up a tad, the chirp of
cicadas . . . all as if conspiring to bring the gift
of peace to my troubled soul.

fire to still my soul
lady brighid come to me
peace and rest at last

06/24/19

I have found this 'summer' weather quite
disturbing. And yes, I do know the cliches
such as, "It's summer in your heart." etc.
Having said that, I was reminded yesterday
what summer is really all about. Friends get
together year 'round, but i find that we give
ourselves permission to meet up more in
summer than any other time. In the sharing
of food, conversation, memories and laughter,
it truly was summer in my heart and I actually
'got it'. It didn't matter that it wasn't nice
enough to eat outside. 'Twas the sharings that
made it summer and naught else!

summer pray begin
may mister sun come visit
missing him ere this

06/23/19

I've been pondering . . . why is it that I so enjoy
and collect fave quotations?! I've decided that it
must be because they are the Reader's Digest
condensed version of wisdom. We do live in a
quick and dirty world after all. Just think about it.
DRIVE THROUGH banking systems, post office,
car wash, meals, coffee, desserts . . . and if that
isn't quick and dirty, I don't know what is! Bottom
line, me thinks I've traded in my book-a-day habit
for drive through reading . . . rather breaks my
heart when I think about it! Got a new book in the
mail yesterday . . . I'm going to shut down this
computer and read for a while before I forget how!

need a slow down sign
tired of quick and dirty
putting my feet up

06/22/19

Two days into Summer and it's rained copiously
both days. Alas, 'tis dark and dreary . . . and I
too, feel a bit dark and dreary. I believe, in my
disappointment last evening, I said some unkind
words to someone I love. The older I get, the
more I promise myself not to make those mistakes,
but it still seems to happen once in a great while.
I confess, I've always had a perfectionistic bent,
which I know to be unhealthy. Nonetheless,
loving people and treating them well truly matters
to me. I also know it's easier to forgive others
than it is to forgive oneself . . . not sure what that
is, exactly.

ever loving you
a tad difficult at times
forgive and forget

06/20/19

As I've been ill these last two years,
and was bitching, moaning and groaning
the three and a half years before that
when my life wasn't my own, to say
nothing of how I suffer with SADS in the
winter . . . I've begun to worry that I've
allowed myself to become quite negative
. . . and that's not a place I want to live!
So, I'm pondering, how does one travel
back to the land of positivity? I imagine
it starts with the awakening visited upon
me with the arrival of Summer on the
morrow. But, obviously, that's not enough.
One must DO something about the issue
or it will remain! Perhaps, now that I'm
conscious of the problem, it will be more
present in my mind and I'll watch out for it.
'Tis a shame that making new habits is harder
than breaking the old ones . . . bears thinking
about.

lets bring back the smiles
lose the negativity
happy here i come

06/19/19

"Hi! How are you? How've you been? What are
you up to these days? What's up? Hey!" . . .
Inane phrases with which we greet each other.
I imagine there always needs to be some kind
of intro into Planet Conversation, but what I
love are those real conversations, deep, soul
searching, mind boggling, no holes barred talks.
I want to know what matters to you. I long to
see the most inner workings of your heart and
soul. Tell me about your pain. Help me understand
what makes you tick. What are you who you are?
Have you chosen yourself or was it visited upon
you to some degree by time and circumstance?
Let's talk . . . let's really talk! "What's up?" just
doesn't cut it!

say whats up darlin
lets just lose the platitudes
lets go deep inside

06/18/19

I've been thinking of the rain of late.
It abounds, doesn't it?! We had to run
into the cabin three times with reoccurring
bouts of rain during our do on Sunday. I
read an anonymous bit of wisdom this
morning, "The rain falls because the cloud
can no longer handle the weight. The tears
fall because the heart can no longer handle
the pain." Rather poignant, isn't it?! I can
remember as a child, my gran used to tell
me that the rain was the angels' tears
falling to earth. It comforted me somehow;
shame we have to grow up. Truly, I am
grateful for the rain; we much needed it . . .
and as I understand, we have a higher
volume of water than in the last several
years. Still, I find myself ready for
Summer's hot days; do come soon!

rain rain go away
come again another day
babe boys want to play

*This English language rhyme can be dated
to at least the 17th century with James Howell
in his collection of proverbs. Wikipedia

06/17/19

I was reminded, only yesterday, how
powerful and phenomenal the women
of today are. Absolutely amazing the
wisdom, thoughtfulness and kindness
that exists in those who choose growth.
This got me to thinking. No matter what
category one falls in . . . man, woman,
teen, child, one should fight to become,
to grow, to be. Not for a moment do I
believe women are the be all, end all of
the human race. I imagine my feelings
have something to do with being a teacher
for 40 plus years. Always and always,
there were phenomenal young men and
women in my classroom. And, it occurs
to me that this has to do with a choice
conscientiously made to be someone of
personal value. I pray I have the courage
to grow until my dying day . . .

amazing people
humanity as a gift
most inspiring

06/16/19

Me thinks we spend most of our lives
getting ready. Upon awaking, it's a
mad dash to the shower, finding suitable
clothes, locating keys and it's off to the
next assignment. Once home, it's opening
the refrigerator to see what falls out and
on to getting ready for the evening. Is it
a party? A dinner date? A convention?
Whatever it is, it needs getting ready for.
I love the Buddhist concept of living in
the moment . . . yet I'm coming to believe
our culture is all about getting ready for
the next date, the next deal, the next
appointment . . . no living in the moment
available. Alas, I'm off and running as I
have a do today . . . must get ready . . .

lets see whats up next
spend my life getting ready
only death brings rest

06/15/19

Sometimes I say there are things I must
master before I die. But, for the most part,
I would truly like to learn, understand and
overcome certain issues before I turn 70.
Seventy is a good number, a lucky number
even. It's not necessarily that I feel I need
to finally grow up, I would just like to have
my shit together on some level before my
birthday! Some of the things lie 'mongst the
silly, like losing a bit of weight and getting
a new haircut. But, others are important . . .
have one less drink too many, always say a
kind word, try to understand where the other
guy is coming from, up my patience and
tolerance levels, not worry that my belief
system is different from others, getting my
priorities straight! Me thinks, I'll sit for a
while out under my fave tree, smoke me
a fine cigar, and ponder the inevitable!

truly wish to learn
spirit willing flesh is weak
don't want to grow up

06/14/19

Me thinks I've died and gone to heaven!
We've been outside cleaning up the yard
for Summer and the lovely projects it
brings. Somewhere 'twixt the raking and
trashing, the mulching and prepping, I'm
in high heat heaven!!! Since we didn't get
a Spring, I'm thinking of asking the gods
for forgo Autumn and having them gift us
two Summers. What say you?

love me some summer
in the heat of the moment
another marg please

06/13/19

Who is my tribe . . . quest of the ages . . .

Yesterday, a friend of mine posed this
question and without a doubt, it bears
pondering. Obviously, many people are
close to family, and most likely, especially
close to certain members of the family . . .
never to forget those precious, personal
relationships with our children. But, what
about friends? Are we still close to those
childhood playmates of yesteryear? Have
we made new buddies at the workplace?
What about neighbors? And let's remember,
the different meeting places for spiritual
sustenance often bring like minds together.
Alas, I imagine all of us have known the
betrayal of someone we considered a close
friend. But, for the most part, I believe we
have those special few in our lives that
truly matter. Let's safeguard them.

who belongs to me
i will ever cherish you
take care of my heart

06/12/19

People often claim to hunger for truth,
but seldom like the taste when it's served up.
~George R.R. Martin, A Clash of Kings

I've been pondering this of late. I've often
thought there is nothing in the world more
versatile than truth. It means something
different to different people, even different
situations. It brings into question the pain it
can cause. As a somewhat imbalanced Libra,
I constantly find varying levels in each truth.
I find myself asking questions, such as, "Is
this going to help the situation? Will this truth
help or harm? Is there a point to this truth?"
Perhaps we need a little less truth and a
whole lot more shut the fuck up already!

tell me the truth please
really thats what you thought
what was i thinking

06/11/19

Reconnecting with childhood friends is an
amazing kaleidoscope of images, emotions,
memories . . . both glorious and somewhat
painful. I imagine it's rather difficult to have
the one without the other, yet nothing truly
prepares you for the upcoming onslaught. I
laughed and cried, found myself overcome,
openmouthed, indignant, and surprisingly
moved. Those friendships are unlike the ones
we make as adults. They are woven into the
very fabric of our being; they are part of our
becoming. There are no secrets, reinventions,
altered memories. It's a whole different 'Friday
the Thirteenth', if you will. I find myself much
moved and grateful. May we ever be . . .

a different ilk
my childhood wrapped up in friends
a promise we made

06/10/19

Fair warning: RANT AHEAD . . . revisited?
What's in a name? I have been called by
many names, titles, terms of endearment
in my lifetime . . . to say nothing of the
putdowns from time to time . . . Linda-Dale,
ld, mother, mom, mamá, daughter, sister,
lover, wife, friend, 'teach', hey you . . .
to name a few . . . and I won't even mention
the bad names! I'm just a woman, no one
particularly special except perhaps to those
who love me. Yet, there are many who insist
there is only one deity; some even believe,
only one name. I remind myself that we all
take our personal beliefs on faith; perhaps
the name or names lie along the same path.

so whats in a name
you say god i say goddess
you call they answer

06/09/19

Drinks ahoy! I always make a point of
a couple of glasses of wine (And yes,
that's all I'm admitting to!) a couple of
times a week . . . emphasis on the word
couple! There are several reasons . . .
health, weight . . . but mostly, because
I enjoy imbibing, I watch myself like a
hawk. Alas, sometimes I party too hearty!
I wonder if anyone else finds the month
of June a challenge when watching intake?
Schools out and people are probably so
thrilled for Summer's long awaited return
that there are parties everywhere! It seems
every weekend there are trips, celebrations,
brunches, eating out. I could go on. I'm
going to have to watch myself and don't even
think I'm getting on a scale any time soon!

pray raise your glasses
a toast to mine you and yours
join me in a few

06/08/19

Ever so proud of my children,
all of my children! My son's
amazing art, my daughter's
strength of character, beauty
within and without. My younger
son's photography, my younger
daughter's pizzaz and mothering.
My youngest son's inventive mind,
my other youngest son's building
and mechanical abilities, my other
youngest son's service to his
country, my youngest daughter's
joy and acceptance of life as it
comes . . . amazing, amazing
beings and I am blown away . . .
I stand in awe . . .

"Not bone of my bone,
not flesh of my flesh,
not born under my heart,
but in it." ~adapted

loving you today
standing in awe yesterday
await tomorrow

06/07/19

i am who i am
you are who you are
and the twain shall meet

'twixt and 'tween
those blurry edges
of never never land

entwine your fingers in mine
across the ragged edges
whence unknown borders meet

sit a while with me
in this unfamiliar dreamland
never to be embraced

~Linda-Dale Jennings

 - - -

i am loving you
in spite of powers at be
gods grant me courage

06/06/19

Today is the day! I woke up, I enjoyed
the sunrise and felt glad to be alive.
I got up, I drank water - the elixir of life!
I prepped food and ate it with gusto. As
I ate, I watched a few leaves falling from
the tree outside my window. A brand new
day, filled with opportunities yet to be
lived and enjoyed. I'm feeling hopeful,
excited even! Today is the day!

today is the day
alas i often forget
tis a gift spend it

06/05/19

I constantly refer to this milestone . . .
turning 70. I actually believe it is a
mile stone, but also, I imagine this
prepares me for reaching this upper
echelon which I never expected.
I have found the age-related changes
in my life to be both interesting and
educational. From an architect designed
home in the mountains to a tiny 120
year old cabin in the off skirts of town,
from 136 to 196 lbs, from 650 x-mas
cards a year to about 50, from teaching
day school, night school, summer school
to teaching classes in Paganism, from
reading a book a day to perusing the
damn internet for several hours a day.
One could go on and on . . . but the
point is made. From that tiny cavity in
the womb, to a full life of education, job,
family, friends, travel . . . and back again
to small, smaller, smallest world. What a
strange and amazing thing life is! Me thinks
I need to have a proper look-see and make
some educated decisions. Live rather than
exist, if you will.

to live or exist
some decisions to be made
perhaps too much work

06/04/19

Now that I'm nigh onto a hundred . . .
make that 70 . . . I yearn to learn . . .
and one of the things I wish to learn is
how to let go. I actually find it strange
that I've never learned, never known
how. Obviously, as time goes by, things
are set aside, forgotten even. But if the
issue is brought up, there's all of those
old feelings again. I see illustrations of
a person dragging the stones of their
hangings on behind them, of people
being weighed down by their sorrows,
losses and fears. I've come to suspect
that if these are not dealt with, not let go,
the one to pay the price is ME. Help!
How did you learn? What's the secret?
What is the process? Please share . . .

so wish to let go
but wanting is not enough
must learn the how to

06/03/19

I'm so elated, I'm walking on air! How
often does that happen?! Today marks
the occasion of my last car payment!
It might not have been such a big deal
when I was teaching and drawing a pay
check, but being retired and living on
a half pension, (My years of teaching in
Mexico don't count in the US.) this will
seem like I just won the lotto! For one
thing, less worry about coming up with
the car payment each month, for another,
it ups our income enough that we could
probably travel to the Riviera . . . I mean
Utah or even Arizona! Such a great feeling!
And there's this incredible bottle of wine
from my consuegros I've been saving for
a special occasion. I can picture it now . . .
the two of us by the fire, sipping ever so
slowly, so as to enjoy thoroughly that unique
bouquet of a wine that for once didn't cost
$10.00 a bottle! Salud!

some dreams do come true
im my fairy godmother
making it happen

06/02/19

I've been pondering . . . Who do I want to
be when I grow up? Sometimes it seems
like I've been trying to grow up my entire
life, and other times, it seems I strive to
remain that innocent child that none of us
can be any more. And, not to forget . . .
I'm the most unbalanced Libra I've ever
known! So, can I use that to my advantage?
Can one side of the scale remain the eternal
child? And the other, a truly grownup adult?

My child within, needs to believe in people.
She wants to play in the dirt and be called
in for dinner. This little girl longs to be held,
rocked and sung to, even put to bed from
time to time (w/a side of cookies and milk!).

The grownup (most wretched four-letter
word I've ever known) needs to step up
to the plate, get over herself, learn to cope,
go the distance, to say nothing of losing the
anxiety and depression that plague her.

So, back to the pondering . . . seems to be
about as likely as winning the lotto .  . .
Where's Wonder Woman when I need her?!

to grow up or not
shall i finally give in
not bloody likely

06/01/19

I imagine that the majority of us grew up with
parents who admonished us NOT TO STEAL.
One of my fave saying is, "I like that so much,
I'm going to put it in my bra and steal it!" It's
a compliment, NOT a pronouncement of intent.
Over the years, my home has been broken into,
personal items have gone missing from my desk,
the usual. But, rarely have I ever felt so invaded,
a kind of rape, if you will, when someone decided
to pose as me under a version of my name,
Linda-dale on Face Book. I've always felt that FB
was a bit of harmless fun and I've enjoyed it a
great deal. But, this kind of thing truly makes me
want to sign of . . . I'm thinking . . . I'm thinking . . .

still bad guys out thee
want to believe in this world
rather breaks my heart