11/26/18

Freud notwithstanding, have you ever wondered
where your dreams come from? I'm no Freudian
Psychologist, but I've been having some doozies.
Obviously, there are, too much beer at the game
dreams, ate too much at Thanksgiving dreams,
had a fight with my lover dreams, and not to
forget, haven't been laid in ages dreams. And, I
imagine we could add in the nightmares. Not sure
I can pay all the bills this month nightmares, So
wish I hadn't said that nightmares, will she ever
speak to me again nightmares, as well as, I thought
I had gotten over that when I was a kid nightmares.
I've been having such horrific nightmares of late
that if Freud were alive today, I'd be making an
appointment. Yes, I know you're not supposed to
have a heavy meal before bedtime, I understand
you're not to have more than one drink (alright,
maybe two) before going to bed, and I get that
you're supposed to have a clear conscience . . .
although I'm not sure if that is supposed to give
you a good night's rest or be insurance against
hell if you die in the night! Whatever! Tonight,
I'm going to forego supper, lose the proverbial
glass of wine, say my prayers and hope for the
best. I'm exhausted and I need some sleep.

i am begging you
now i lay me down to sleep
pray give me good rest

11/25/18

Who am I? What am I? Where am I going?
Have I lived a worthwhile life? Am I worthy?
Do I measure up? Have I even earned the
right to hope for whatever happens next?
Near the end of our sojourn here on earth,
I imagine these to be the questions we will
ask ourselves. For my part, I don't wish to
wait that long . . . It may be scary as hell,
but I need to hold myself accountable now.
I want to know the truth whatever that may
be and at whatever cost. Perhaps it simply
trickles down to, "Who do I want to be when
I grow up?" I used to worry about what others
thought of me; now, I am mostly concerned
about what I think of me . . . a true turnabout!
Leaving the ethereal aside, "Where do I go from
here?" Is it a question of facing each day anew?
Making well thought out choices? Examining
each action before even happening and aligning
those actions with my own personal philosophy?
Am I touting Shakespeare now? "To thine own
self be true?" Do all and sundry face this agony
with age? What now? Perhaps I should embrace
all this new age ideology. Is it really that easy?
Create myself through thought and self-acceptance?
Maybe easy isn't quite the right word, but whatever
it is, wherever I go from here, I am no longer an
innocent abroad . . . I now live in the realm of
been there, done that; I have to take responsibility
for me, even if this requires growing up at seventy.
Frankly, I am tired just thinking about it; may the
gods grant me courage . . .

longing for answers
dont even know the questions
will there be a test

11/24/18

To my children from another mother . . . I am
missing you! In this modern world in which we
live, a world in which one is often married more
than once, there are children . . . wondrous, sweet
children. They steal your heart and little by little
they become yours . . . not yours entirely because
they belong to another mother. Nonetheless, they
are somehow born of your soul. You have to learn
to let go as they grow up, go away to college, fall
in love and create families of their own. You have
to learn to let go because this is life, a very, very
busy life and the absence of enough time steals
them away. I suspect holidays brings this missing
a bit more to the forefront. So, know that I love
you, my children from another mother. May the
gods hold you close until I can embrace you again.

sometimes my heart aches
finding myself missing you
memories comfort

11/23/18

My fetish might just be keeping my space fairly
organized 'mongst this whole moving trauma.
I can even hear my mother nagging me from the
beyond, "You need to get your desk cleaned off
and your documents filed." So, I finally give in.
Trudging over to the library where my office is,
carrying all these papers, I catch myself muttering
under my breath, almost grumpy teenager style.
It's freezing out there so I turn up the heater, but
I know I'll be finished before it ever warms up.
However, I actually start to warm to the task as
I get into it. As I file, I'm able to put some things
through the shredder, and even though I don't
like filing, I content myself with the fact that come
tax time, I'll be glad I did it. I'm about three or
four papers away from finished when I spy a bill,
a $50.00 bill!!! Unbelievable! I haven't seen a
$50.00 in so many years I thought the banks had
canceled their printing! Where the hell did it
come from? Do you think my mother found a
way to reward me for getting my chores done?
I'm halfway between the awe of the find and the
chagrin I feel, when I look up and say, "Thanks,
mom!" The adult me knows this is impossible,
yet . . . perhaps stranger things have happened.

grinch that i may be
tis a day for miracles
yes i am thankful

11/22/18 - Thanksgiving

Only yesterday we were celebrating Halloween;
today we'll do Thanksgiving and nigh onto tomorrow,
it'll be Christmas. I find all these celebrations a tad
exhausting, yet exhilarating. Such fun! Such family!!
Such joy!!! I know it was only a few days ago that I
wrote something about holidays so this has been
preying on my mind. Holiday exhaustion aside, I've
been wondering how we could incorporate more of
this into our lives rather than less. There simply has
to be a way to bring in more jubilation into our daily
scene rather than the mundane . . . or should it be,
spicing up the mundane to make it more celebratory?
Isn't it champagne that makes orange juice brunch
rather than breakfast?! I think we can apply this
principle even sans champagne! A love note in the
sack lunch, perhaps? Supper a the dinner table
rather than in front of the TV? Invite a girlfriend to
lunch . . . let's picnic at the weekend? I imagine if
we all gave it some thought, even shared our ideas,
we could come up with a plethora of scenarios. I
think I'm going to do an after the TG blues surprise
picnic in bed for my guy . . . could be fun?! Who
knows what I might come up with for dessert!

lets spice up our days
a lot of play and no work
sounds like the ticket

11/21/18

I had been thinking of the written word when this old
adage popped up, "Reading gives us someplace to go
when we have to stay where we are." ~Mason Cooley
Cooley, known for his aphorisms, said it all when he
came out with this one! I've often thought that the
greatest gift my parents gave me after the gift of life,
was the gift of reading. The hours I have spent in the
joys of tumbled thoughts and glorious travels are, to
this day, beyond priceless. I suppose now would be an
appropriate time to confess to book hoarding . . . I even
have my own library, thousands and thousands of
books. Yesterday, i was compelled to take a truckload
of books to the DAV as there was simply no space in
which to house them; this cabin is ever so tiny . . .
I wept copiously! I bet when Jesus said it was more
blessed to give than to receive, he wasn't talking about
books! So, today is one of those perfect days to stay
abed under the comforter and read until twilight! A
fantasy at best . . . alas, Thanksgiving prep awaits!

clearly most thankful
but would rather be reading
family beckons

11/20/18

"I want to be a hater when I grow up!" said no child
ever! Nonetheless, hate, loathing, spite, negativity
are everywhere you look. Truly, I doubt very much
that any of us start out trying to be haters . . . but,
"I hate okra! I can't stand that witch next door!! I
loathe politicians!!! . . . are part of our daily rhetoric.
Nor is it necessary to be a Pollyanna. Indeed, we are
surrounded by a plethora of negativity. How can we
help but hate the horrific things that are occurring in
our world today?! No matter your political persuasion,
no one can like world hunger and starvation, wife and
child abuse, animal cruelty nor the collection of isms
that exist. So, where do we go from here? Being a
Pollyanna doesn't address the horrors in our existence,
nor do we necessarily have the means at our fingertips
to address the world sorrows. Reality dictates that we
can't turn a blind eye to those serious hates heretofore
mentioned. I catch myself remembering a sweet little
ditty from childhood, "Brighten the corner where you
are." I think therein lies the answer. If we each commit
to those few and wondrous acts of daily kindness and
positivity, at least our own corners will be brighter.
And, we all have several corners we can decorate
with loveliness . . . let's do this!

so fearing the dark
the boogeyman is hatred
lets turn on the lights

11/19/18

I've been thinking . . . now there's an idea! No really,
I've been thinking about what it is to be happy. I've
read all the gurus, the articles, the how to's . . . but
not really sure that I'm any closer. The great masters
seem to think that striving for contentment is what
it's all about. The New Agers believe they have all the
answers. The masters of yesteryear have written
volumes on the subject, droning on and on, but me
thinks I need a synthesizer! And, not to forget the holy
books . . . the Bible, the Koran, the Talmud and others.
I can't help but think that each and every believe they
possess the answers, but bottom line, perhaps the truth
is that the answer lies within and that happiness is
actually different for all of us. I hark back to high school
when all the girls were making cute little 'Happiness is"
lists with drawings of hearts and tears throughout. But
alas, I'm not 15 anymore . . . so where do I go from here?
I do know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my children
make me happy! My friends turn my sorrows to joy and
brush away my tears. Teaching . . . WOW! Now, there's
something that has bought me joy untold. Now, I'm
thinking I need to synthesize! Maybe I'm overthinking
this a bit. Maybe happiness isn't in the grandiosity of the
cosmos, but rather in those little bits and pieces of every
day. It comes to me that I'd better be doing an about
face and change my way of thinking. I'm going to take a
peek in the corners of my mind and start making my own
mini-list, albeit sans the hearts and tears . . .

seeking happiness
children friends travels and kin
finding it within

11/18/18

My doc insists that I drink 8 - 10 glasses of water
a day . . . AND keep a water log, pun intended.
Frankly, I've never drunk so much in my life; me
thinks I'm nigh onto dead in the water! I suppose
from a religious point of view, 'tis the water of life
and that has to mean a great deal. Alas, I'm like
a fish out of water there! At 69, and traversing a
steep flight of stairs, I would like to sleep through
the night, but if I have to choose between a healthy
liver and a fall down the rickety stairs, guess I'll
choose the former as me loves my red! I do have
to be careful so as not to get in hot water though.
My man says the 8 - 10 a day doesn't hold water
as everything we eat is water, but I must obey. I
actually haven't had a marg in many a moon as
our fave watering hole lost its liquor license . . .
Still, can't help but wonder if they count as water
intake! We've gone back there a couple of times
to test the waters, but I would have to admit
that even the best of Mexican food tastes even
more spectacular with a marg! Well, 'tis water
under the bridge. As retirees, we only eat out
about once a month, so come hell or high water,
we'll be finding a new place. Well, here's to you,
as I life my glass of H2O; just keeping my head
above water. And, just so you know, I'll be in
deep water if I don't win this bet that I can use
the damn word umpteen times in a paragraph!!!

punny mood today
me thinks tis thirst killing me
pray bring the drinks stat

11/17/18

I am renewed! What is it about spending quality
time with old friends that so heals the spirit?!
I am sorely tempted to name them goddesses!
Obviously, we most often pause in our busy lives
to think about friendship and hour our close buds
on February 14. Alas, I find I cannot wait that long.
Over the past couple of years, dealing with illness,
moving into the cabin (like trying to fit a five-gallon
bucket into an eight of a teaspoon!!!), I have had
the amazing opportunity to re-visit the true meaning
of friendship. We all love people, people we call friends,
yet sometimes life conspires to separate us for reasons
of no ill will; it simply is what it is. Life and living get
in the way and we are all dancing as fast as we can,
to quote Barbara Gordon. I have sorely missed those
with whom I have not been able to stay in touch and
thrill at the encounters of re-connection with others.
What gifts life does visit upon us . . . in the strangest
of manners, often unexpectedly! I find myself silently
swearing an oath to find a way to honor those I have
much loved during my lifetime. Friendship ROCKS!!!

enjoying friends
loves of different flavors
gifts of a lifetime

11/16/18 - Lady Hekate

I always look forward to November 16 as
it is the day in which the Greek Goddess,
Lady Hekate, is honored. As she is a major
figure n Greek mythology, I imagine most
of you are familiar with her on some level.
One of the salient features of this triple
goddess Hekate is, she is known as the dark
goddess of the three-way crossroads. When
I purchased my 120 year old cabin almost
seven years ago, it was obvious that it
actually sat on a three-way crossroads,
hence the most appropriate naming of the
cabin, The Lady Hekate. I find myself
enamored of the legends and lore of this
historical figure. She is most often depicted
in ancient Greek art as the bearer of twin
torches, lighting the way, as it were. She
also bears a ring of keys, yet another detail
for which she is known. Interestingly enough,
as we rehabbed the cabin, we found keys,
both archaic and modern, buried or strewn
about the property. With the vast, almost
encyclopedic knowledge known of Hekate,
it seems a bit rich to dedicate one paragraph
to her. Nonetheless, Lady Hekate ROCKS!!!

remembering you
mystical goddess of threes
pray stand in my dark

you at the crossroads
two torches lighting the way
pray shine on my path

lady hekate
triple goddess of the night
pray bring me your keys

11/15/18

I'm running behind, a place where we all have been.
It not only affects your sense of accomplishment,
but somehow it establishes itself in such a manner
that it becomes sort of a permanent state. I'm not
certain, exactly, how this happens. I suppose some
of us are list makers along with checking off and/or
crossing off. Others probably have some kind of
fluctuating list in their heads that they work with.
On a professional level, bosses demand . . . but we
are no different on the personal level. As adults, we
come to expect that each day we accomplish a given
number of tasks that bring us nearer to our goals,
whatever those may be. I find I don't have an answer.
Does dismissing the list help? Short term goals? Long
term goals? Saunter through life as it comes to you?
Or, is there a reasonable way to confront our needs,
our responsibilities, map out a general plan and simply
do each day what you can? My dad used to quote the
old adage, "The hurrier I go, the behinder I get"!
Me thinks I need a vision, a visit from the gods, some
instruction please! One way or another, it's on my list
 . . . let's see if I get a visitation!

expecting to find
a genie in a bottle
need a miracle

11/14/18

When I was taking my degree in Religion and
Philosophy, I remember studying the *11 great
religions of the world. I would have to admit
that only five of the eleven are likely household
words today. And, although that was about 100
years ago, alright, 45 . . . according to my research
the list remains virtually the same. I find it vastly
interesting that a subject, namely religion, could
be so divisive. And, as I understood it, Paganism
wa the oldest religion in the world and it wasn't
even on the list. So, what does all of this mean?
And where do we go from here? I think actually,
that we probably tend to form our own belief
systems depending on a number of factors such
as place of birth, familial ties, personal interests
and choices. And, as we are each such different
peoples, why shouldn't it be thus? I would hope
that one day, religion will be seen as a personal
choice along with where you choose to live, the
language you speak and how you like to dress.
God only knows, or should I say, the gods only
know, if and when that miracle could happen.

of the gods i sing
mighty wonders to behold
to believe or not

*Christianity
Islam
Hinduism
Buddhism
Sikhism
Judaism
Bahaism
Confucianism
Jainism
Shintoism
Zoroastraianism