02/28/19

John Rohn tells us that discipline is the bridge
between goals and accomplishment. I've been
thinking, always a dangerous prospect, that I've
had just about as much discipline as I can deal
with at nigh onto 70 years of age. Me thinks 'tis
time to be away with the fairies for a while! The
gods only know what can of worms I'm opening
up with a statement like that, but I find I'm
rather tired, if not downright exhausted, from
being an adult for so long. Perhaps a hiatus in
time is just what the doctor ordered! Endless
days of sunshine, a plethora of mind boggling
sunsets, birds chirping in the background, music
softly playing, walks along the beach, a few
gourmet meals and a tad of red wine. Alas, I
fear I have just described Nirvana; I pray this
doesn't translate as an invitation to Neverland!

ever so tired
aint no rest for the wicked
longing for sunsets

02/27/19

She might be right; she might be wrong,
but she's compelling on every level. She
leads with blind faith, never faltering,
ever trusting. She marks the spaces of
her presence with the perfume of her soul.
She glides the skies, trying to comprehend
the heavens and sails the seas, plumbing
the expanse, lo unto the very depths of her
own hell. She is fierce, she is loyal, she is
true, And she is exactly who I wish to be.

longing for insight
so needing to understand
pondering the depths

02/25/19

Moving in . . . moving out . . . MOVING!!!
I hark back to the first time I moved when I
left home to go to boarding school at 14. I think
I moved in, in about 15 or 20 minutes. As I got
older and became possession heavy, I could still
get settled anywhere from a week or two. We
moved into this tiny 120 year old cabin exactly
14 months ago and I just started putting away
the last box. I say 'putting away', what I really
mean . . . stare at it hard enough and pray it just
disappears on its own!!! We've all heard our
elders make statements along the line of, "You
spend the first part of your life accumulating and
the last part of your life eliminating. I've hated
learning the truth of this old adage! I've always
been 'treasure' oriented, nothing to do with
belongings or an attraction to wealth. So, I will
stipulate that it's much more difficult to bid adieu
to my treasures! I'm probably more along the line
of being 'space poor and treasure rich'! Perhaps,
I'll go to my grave with this one last box . . .

striving to settle
creating a hearth and home
building a homestead

02/25/19

What an amazing gift to spend an
afternoon with a friend who truly
converses, no small talk intended.
It comes to me that small talk is
simply another component of the
whole 'make nice' we were taught
as children in order to cope in the
big, bad world. I imagine, conversing
with real intent, can surprise, fulfill,
delight and even sometimes offend.
By the same token, a conversation
is a two-way street. One can go back
and forth until an understanding
occurs, if not an accord. Me thinks
we make a mistake to believe we
must always agree with those who
are our counterparts. Let's sack
boring in favor of enticing!

silent in my pleas
someone must be listening
oh that gift of bliss

02/24/19

Pondering betrayal and coming to understand
that there are many types and kinds of betrayal.
This is an important issue for me. I have this
wish, maybe desire, to die without having betrayed
my personal code. Make no mistake, we all betray
during our short lives; probably most of all, ourselves.
We betray our own code of ethics in order to make
nice as society demands. We sometimes betray our
parents in order to adopt our own belief system. He
betrays his wife to get she attention. She betrays
her children to get some rest. They betray their
country out of fear, and on it goes. My personal
wish for myself, is that I come to a comprehension
of exactly who I am, what is it I stand for, where
am I going and where do I get the courage to rise
and shine. I pray I ever be so intrepid on my own
battlefield.

resolve without fail
striving for integrity
i pray may i rise

02/23/19

A revelation . . . am I losing my mind,
my memory? Alas, I've thought so for
a while now, and then yesterday, I spent
hours going through four boxes of treasures,
last of this whole, "Let's move to the cabin!"
lunacy. It felt something along the lines of
the miraculous. Each photo I held in my
hand was a memory renewed. I softly
smoothed the wrinkles in a scarf and was
moved to tears. I gently brushed the dust
from beloved pieces of yesteryear and
memories flooded my mind. Much needed
sweet thoughts of my mother invaded my
soul. Lovely images of my grandmothers
still linger. A childhood revisited and a faith
restored . . .

holding history
revisiting memories
scrapbooks of the mind

02/22/19

In a land far, far away, 'tis always Summer
by day and Spring by night. Me thinks 'tis
called Never, Never Land . . . Perhaps, the
ancestors will take me there in time and I
will laugh under the sun and dance under
the moon. The Lord of the Dance loves only
me and we shall live happily ever after in
the afterglow of life's sweetest sorrows . . .

pray bind now my eyes
so longing for sweet nothings
warmth within my soul

02/21/19

Sooooo tired of Winter! Yesterday, I finally
reached the end of my tether, depression
wise! My guy ran me to Kaiser and my doc
prescribed me some serious anti-depressants.
I do know and understand that Winter is just
as important as any other season, to say
naught of the water content we collect from
the snows. Have no answers, only questions . . .
Why was I born this way? Will I spend the
rest of my Winters in deep depression? It
takes some serious shekels to go live in
Arizona for the Winter . . . pray I win the
lotto . . . then there's this whole need to buy
a ticket thing . . .

shaking in my boots
no answers only questions
pray bring back the sun

02/20/19 Day III - Understanding

Coming to the end of a three-day ponder, I'm
not certain my comprehension of the issues at
hand are much clearer. I have to laugh at me
own self for using the word NICE when it's a
milk toast kind of word at best. Obviously, I
found myself in a rather Pollyanna state, place
where none of us have resided for a long, long
time. A resumidas cuentas, we each are who
we are, cliché that may appear to be. Perhaps,
the best to long for, would be an understanding
of self, who we are, why we are and is that truly
who we want to be when we grow up?! It's too
easy to simply let self BE, let things STAND,
let the old tried and true inertias TAKE OVER.
In the last moments of my Pollyanna state, my
wish for all of us would be personal growth.
May we each rise and shine . . .

longing for answers
who to ask who to tell who
nothing but questions

02/19/19 Day II - Seeking

I wrote of differences, acceptance, friendship.
An oversimplification, make no mistake. Many
of us grew up in the arena of, 'let's make nice'.
I stand by that; it's important. A little common
courtesy goes a long way. Still . . . if you break
it down . . . you don't have to be friends to play
fair. You don't have to like a person to treat them
with respect. You don't have to share the same
values to be courteous and gracious. Obviously,
there are levels of friendship. As we grow older,
we all have our circles of friends and most likely
don't bother with the childhood vernacular of
'my best friend' or similar titles. But what about
those who abuse, beat, rape and pillage? What
about those who harm animals, sin against our
Mother Earth? Maybe it boils down to . . . Know
who you are! Honor your code! Live a life you
can respect! . . . and other such mandates. But,
somewhere in all this making nice, loving our
neighbors as ourselves and striving to be the
good guys, we obviously have to take a stand
against those ethical dilemmas that offend, to
say nothing of the peoples and persons who
harm others. Still, it starts at the center . . .

pray help understand
look search see through waters dark
illumination

02/18/19 Day I - Longing

Sooooo . . . we're all different! I happen to be a
woman; perhaps you are not. I'm 69 years old
and you may be anything from newly born to an
elder. I'm Pagan and you're Christian, or maybe
not. I am a Democrat and you're an Independent
or a Republican. I read and you do the computer;
I drive and you take the bus. I'm vegetarian and
you're a carnivore. i have five degrees; maybe
you have ten or are a high school dropout. Simply
NOT understanding here, how these differences
mean we can't be friends! I've always believed
DIFFERENT made for interesting . . . perhaps not.
Sorrow of a different kind . . .

different unique
so trying to understand
whats the problem here

02/17/19

An interesting p.s. to Valentine's Day
makes me wonder if the shortest month
of the year, February, doesn't have the
most to offer. 'Tis a month of recoup from
Thanksgiving to Valentine's Day . . . and
God, me thinks we need it! I find myself
looking forward to a very calm, quiet March.
Oh right, the first day of Spring comes in
March, what was I thinking?! Perhaps, I
simply need to accept that all months bring
about plenty of celebrations and just must,
as they say, find a way to rest in between!
Pray, bring me a much needed parenthesis
in time! Sooooo not kidding!!!

holidays galore
anyone want to party
alas no can do

02/16/19

At 7:00 a.m. we were visited by Cernunnos
and tribe . . .  Cernunnos and nine additional
bucks. We receive these visitations daily, but
this is the first time we've had all ten at once.
The buck we refer to as Cernunnos, is a five
horn. Several had four; there were a couple
of twos and one, only a few months old. Las
but not least, one of our regulars with one
antler only. We can't help but wonder if we'll
find the other once the snow melts. We were
blest to stand at the window and watch them
at play, enjoying the treats my guy puts out
for them. I truly believe I'm the luckiest gal
in the world to be living at The Lady Hekate!

watching bucks at play
an unusual sight indeed
a gift from the gods

02/15/19

Yesterday, my guy gifted me a day such
as never before. He drove us up to a fab
Boulder brewery and treated lunch and
a flight of beers, a la tasting mode. The
place was nice, the food delicious, the
beer incredible, the flight fun . . . and the
service was out of this world. And, we
even got to see the kids, which is always
a treat. It's hard to believe we owe the
brouhaha of Valentine's Day to a priest
sentenced to death for his stance on
marriage. Add in that said sentence was
a three-way killing and I'm not quite sure
how this makes me feel about our yearly
celebrations. Still, bottom line . . . love
matters and friendship is one of the most
important relationships in the world.
Will we ever learn?!

surprises ahoy
kisses hearts love valentines
crazed celebrations

02/14/19 - Valentine's Day

I imagine many tend to think of
Valentine's Day as a commemoration
of our beloved, those with whom we
have a close spousal type relationship.
In Spanish, Valentine's Day is, Día de
la Amistad, which literally means, Day
of Friendship. Somehow, I like that
better! Remember back when we were
kids and we gave out these cute little
valentines to everyone . . . along with
little heart candies?! I so miss that!
My guy woke me up with a kiss and a
Happy Valentine's Day this morning. I
have a card for him . . . and best of all,
we're spending the day with his family.
Love is grand . . . but nothing in the
entire universe compares to real
friendship. Happy Valentine's Day!

friendship most priceless
praises songs hearts and flowers
grandest love of all

02/13/19

From time to time, the Universe gifts you
that perfect day. 'Twas a combination of
perfection on every level. The perfect man,
the perfect food, the perfect conversation,
the perfect sharings . . . bound together
with a perfect fire and that perfect red wine.
I imagine it's something like that thousand
dollar French dessert made with real gold.
Never an everyday thing, but ever
unforgettable! I am searching for a way to
thank the Universe; so needs to be beyond
superlative . . .

so not just a word
perfection revisited
a gift most valued

02/12/19

Bright lights flashing in the middle of the
night. Staying the course, not going away.
Then a shot . . . then, yet another. Fear,
concern, worry. Courage to take a look.
Another deer, one that comes to the cabin
daily, loses his life to a motorist in a hurry.
Then the police had to shoot it . . . twice!
Empathy requires and inspires. I feel for
the deer, for the cop who had to shoot him,
even for the driven in a hurry . . . so relieved
I can't, don't, get my hands on him!!!
Grrrrrrrrrrr!

tears and fears and loss
sacred life for one and all
still can't stop weeping

02/11/19

Somewhere between Valentine's swift
approach and visiting friends of late,
I've had friendship on my mind. I find
it fascinating how we're given such vast
opportunities in our lifetimes to love so
many people in so many different ways.
I just love my cousin! I simply adore my
children! I love my father more than life
itself! I love, love, love my students! W
all simply love! LOVE!! L O V E !!!
Truly love, in whatever form it takes,
has to be the greatest gift of all.

love in many forms
friends sisters cousins lovers
valentines ahoy

02/10/19

A night to end all nights! My guy
gifted me an evening in front of the
fire . . . a little music, a little wine . . .
pure magic! I can't help but think,
if everyone had a fireplace, there'd
be world peace. Truly, there is naught
like it!!! Sorry! Ain't sharing my guy!!

once upon a time
fire a gift of magic
gift to end all gifts

02/09/19

Glorious wonder of wonders, the pipes
are unfrozen . . . why NOT shower at 3:00
in the morning after no water for two days!
Delicious, absolutely delish! Somewhere
'twixt living in this wondrous 120 year old
cabin and the westerns my guy watches, I
have a tiny, tiny sense of what our peoples
of yesteryear went through. The arduous
journeys in covered wagon, obviously never
experienced . . . but the enduring of cold
climes and little fires, the oft times lack of
water, gathering wood in 18 inches of snow,
are all bits and pieces of a past not lived.
Me thinks we have it easy even if we have
to drive an hour to purchase and load wood.
He cuts, I stack . . . and when I say we go out
in the cold to gather wood . . . that's it, bring
in a bundle and keep the fire going. Bottom
line, I love it! And, I'm ever so grateful I've
experienced a bit of this kind of living in my
own time.

living two eras
experience out of time
dreams of yesteryear

02/08/19

Thought I'd take a shower this morning;
been known to happen. Alas, the pipes
are frozen. I'm truly not complaining,
just explaining. When this cabin was built
120 years ago, there was no running water
inside. We have an old-fashioned pump
just outside the door and a shallow well
just beyond. And because the well is shallow,
the water is non-potable, but serves for all
other purposes. I believe the water was
brought indoors in 1950 when a tiny
bathroom was added onto the cabin. I
continue to find this adventure of living
in a 120 year old cabin interesting, exciting,
dismaying, amazing and just about any
other adjective you could come up with.
Move over, Daniel Boone!

longing for water
bathing beauty i am not
yearning for spring

02/07/19

Dreams in place; plans made; a special
day in the making . . . it's not every day
one wakes up to a pristine half a foot of
snow and 0 degrees. Guess there's naught
for it, it'll just have to be a movies in bed
day. And, if I'm not wrong, and we all know
I'm not . . . that should include bubbly . . .
'tis exactly what the doctor ordered, but
alas, I don't seem to have any.

dreams or phantasy
living vicariously
stuff they're made of

02/06/19

Missing may be the saddest word in the
English language. Of late, it seems there
are more missing children than ever. This
has to be the saddest missing of all! There
are missing husbands and missing wives.
Missing funds, missing moments in time . . .
missing, missing, missing! I have to as,
"What is missing in me?" The question
is both valid and important. And perhaps,
the answer, even more so. Am I missing
the point of what you're trying to tell me?
Is light missing in my soul? Am I missing
precious moments with my children? Has
missing become the norm, the usual, rather
that the rare and once in a while?! I truly
believe I need to contemplate the question
and watch out for the answers.

missing in action
pray i ever be present
my soul so needs this

02/05/19

Oh my God . . . what an amazing, incredible
man I have in my life! He awoke me this a.m.
with mimosas and a 007 flick . . . from there,
we binged on the few Bonds that the powers
at be offer to the public. What a fun, fun day,
to say nothing of all my now accumulated info on
Mr. Shaken, not stirred! I've come to understand
of late, that it's these crazy, awesome moments
that make life real and fun rather than perhaps
trips, expenditures and wild living! Bottom line,
I have no idea how much time I have left, what
with being 69 and holding, but I do know,  I
want to LIVE rather than EXIST!!! Allow me
to LIVE rather than EXIST!!! All me to hoist
my glass . . . here's to life! Hopefully, My life!

to live or exist
oh to live another day
exist no can do

02/04/19

Been pondering me some old . . . all sorts of
all things old. Old age, old friends, old cards,
old memories, old ideas, old movies, old, old,
old. I think we make a mistake, this business
of dissing the OLD! Old is a powerful thing.
Frankly, it's a shame that our society seems so
repelled by the idea of old. When you think
about it, old souls are a beautiful thing. Old
men tell the best tales out of school. Old wine
and aged cheese . . . one of the most fab treats
in the entire civilized world. Even old money
has a certain naughty allure. And yes, I get
that one must not dwell in the past, but does
that really exclude old?! So, give me some
old. I think actually, I want this old man
lying next to me, if you will . . .

now gimme some old
find meself in love with old
old ever wins out

02/03/19

Pondering the miracle of the morning after . . .
I spent yesterday celebrating Imbolc with two
of my sisters. Imbolc is an ancient Celtic festival
that celebrates the goddess Brighid and the
beginning of Spring. I imagine more people than
we like to think, summer from the dark days of
Winter. The arrival of Imbolc Eve on February first
and Imbolc on February second, always gives rise
to that glorious hope of light returning. Metaphor
that it may be for some, searching for the light
every single day, in every single manner, is a
most positive way to live. I wish for us all, a
light-filled Spring!

so longing for spring
dark days of winter ending
light and hope return

02/02/19 - Imbolc

I'm ever so excited, so excited that I've been awake
since 1:30 this morning! I get to spend the day with
two of my cronies who are more sisters than friends.
I'm thinking . . . February, Valentines, friendship, love
 . . . it's all there. My heart goes out to those who have
never known friendship such as this. Let's spend the
entire month of February thinking about the value of
the people we are so fortunate to have in our lives!

anticipation
waiting as a form of joy
will night never end

02/01/19

Baby it's cold outside . . . if the song is to be
believed! I've been reading on the news about
all time temp lows and the subsequent deaths.
Wondrous stories about a man who paid hotel
rooms for 70 homeless as well as a group of
good samaritans passing out blankets to street
people all over town. What is it about the cold
that inspires in us generosity? Perhaps, the
icicles of our hearts melt in empathy with the
cold we feel in our souls. One of my friends
shared with me a story about her dad. Seems
he buys men's coats at second hand stores,
puts a $5 spot in one pocket, a sandwich in
another, a pair of gloves in one and a beer
in the fourth. I believe this to be one of the
greatest acts of kindness I've ever heard. It's
practical as well as completely non-judgmental.
Me thinks we should all take a page out of his
book and sally forth and conquer . . .

its so cold outside
even my soul is frozen
togetherness warms