08/31/18

What is it about endings and beginnings? It seems
I go through this whole Saturday/Sunday new
beginning every week, not to forget the last day
of the old month and the first day of the new. I
find myself prisoner of what I like to call THE END/
BEG SYNDROME. I can't start my diet until the new
week begins. I can't start any of my list of projects
until the new month begins. Somehow my psyche
requires I end my projects on last days and begin
new ones on first days. I certainly hope today isn't
the last of me! I have plans for a new beginning
on the morrow! You should see the list . . .

today marks an end
im anxiously awaiting
tomorrows the new

08/30/18

The joy of reconnecting is something I would
like to ponder a bit. It's both beautiful and
interesting how we meet people throughout
our lives with whom we are simpático. Albeit,
our childhood, family, the adult workplace,
summer vacation or a retirement space, we
connect with different people and assign them
a place in our hearts. Obviously, because time
and space have their own continuum, we lose
touch with some we have held dear, a true case
of no harm, no foul. Still, when an occasion
arises for a reconnect, 'tis most gratifying. Stories
told and re-told, moments shared, memories
revisited and love rekindled . . . and a kind of
hope is reborn.

seeing you again
our friendship revisited
ever memories

08/29/18

What is it about a secret that so entices?
Must be the nature of the beast because
everyone loves a secret. We enjoy having
a secret, hearing a secret and telling them
as well. There's simply something delicious
about them. "You can't tell anyone, but I
have a crush!" . . . "You're the first to now,
but keep it under your hat as I haven't even
told my husband yet." . . . "Oh, I'm ever so
excited, I think I'm pregnant." . . . "I think
I'm getting a diamond for Christmas, but
I mustn't spoil the surprise, so don't say
anything." Secrets can be fun! They can be
exciting and they can be heart-breaking.
Benjamin Franklin once said, "Three can
keep a secret if two of them are dead."
Perhaps, we should endeavor to have good
secrets rather than sad secrets so we can
have the joy without the sorrow . . . and,
guess what, I have a secret . . . and I'm
not telling . . .

secrets are so fun
i wish i could tell you mine
im dying to share

If you reveal your secrets to the wind, you should 
not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees.
~Khalil Gibran

08/28/18

So wish I knew how to put a perfect day in a jar,
screw the lid down tight and keep it forever in my
memory . . . perhaps one way to do just that is to
journal about it. 'Tis sad enough that we go through
our days . . . the ordinary, the sorrowful, the gleeful
and only remember the down times. I recognize that
it's impossible to live in an orgasmic high, but still,
there must be a way to preserve moments of joy. I
am determined to walk a sunlit path before I pass.
Enough with sorrow, already!

bring on the candles
a sunny day starlit nights
so pray light prevails

08/27/18

I've been thinking, a dangerous proposition at the best of times . . .
Is like simply what it is? Or, do we have any control over its outcome?
I'm not sure it matters either way, but I would like to know. Can't
help but wonder if it would alter life significantly?! Is everything and
all, cause and effect? Or, not particularly? Do I gain weight because
of what I eat or does it only have to do with my body type? Is the
 money I earn in exact proportion to my education and the job at
which I work? Or, is it just the luck of the draw? Are my friends
those I cultivate or does it have to do with geography? I'm trying
to decide because in my elder years, I have this need to nail down
my belief system, as it were. I query, am I following the right path?
Have I reared my children well? Is there some place in particular
where I need to be helping out? How much longer am I going to live
and what should I be doing with my time? Does everyone come to
the end of their days feeling like I do or is it just me? What can I do
to be ready when my time comes? Or, is it simply going to be a
blind date?

just longing to know
would so like to understand
the price of knowledge

~Linda-Dale Jennings

How faithfully can language approximate what life is? What being is? Does language ever only gesture toward that which is? Can our minds only partially comprehend certain aspects as other aspects of reality become obfuscated? Are we compelled to do what we will do in every case because every circumstance that came before shaped us exactly into who we've become? Where is the freedom in that? Is freedom an illusion, or is it paradoxical, or pluralistic? I think if these questions become salient for you, you must live them out as genuinely as possible, as anxiety-inducing as they may be... it is a sign that you have resisted the allure of dogmatism and that you have intellectual depth. Take pleasure in thinking, in being human as much as you can. We will all return to being dust soon enough, or whatever other adumbrations the universe has in store.

~Lui Ferreyra

08/26/18

It has often been discussed that our proclivity
as humans for living in the past and longing for
the future while entirely dismissing the present
is one of our greatest faults. However, my
yesterday was so delightful, delicious, divine,
that I must beg indulgence to wallow in the
memories for just a tad longer. A day with the
besties where wondrous conversation ensued,
glorious foods were shared, memories cherished
and tears wiped away . . . it doesn't get much
better than that. Praising the gods on bended
knee . . .

friendship most divine
long hoped for much gratitude
a gift of the gods

08/25/18

Perhaps the most interesting journeys in life
are those we take down friendship street.
Rarely has a category covered such a vast
arena. We have all met someone momentarily
on a bus ride, an outing, a walk in the mountains
with whom we felt an immediate connection.
Most likely never to be seen again, but they were
friends in that moment. There are others with
whom we share a connection, albeit family or
people life has gifted us. Obviously, the bards,
poets, writers, have written the love letters
and sun the songs honoring friendship. Still,
each of us can accept or reject the contract of
friendship in our lives; I for one, am signing on
the dotted line . . .

in awe of friendship
pondering the gift most rare
may i be worthy

08/24/18

What an impact anticipation has on the psyche.
Due to previous commitments, I will be unable
to join the family this weekend, a sorrow within
itself. Yet, that pure, delicious sense of joy builds
as those moments of solitude draw nigh. What
strange and amazing creatures we humans are
with our contradictions in terms . . . thinking of
the things we crave, others we loathe and yet
some of no importance. Still, here I am, awaiting
solitude with bated breath . . .

a time of lonely
dance of anticipation
the soulmate within

08/23/18

The bard has been much on my mind of late.
 . . . and when Shakespeare said,

"Hell is empty and all the devils are here,"

I can't help but wonder, what was he thinking?! In the Christian era
in which we have been reared, we tend to think of right and wrong,
good and evil, sins against mankind, and if we're lucky, forgiveness.
As I grow older, however, I have come to understand that we each
have our own struggles, our own temptations. Some may be
tempted to take that which is not theirs, others to hurt and harm,
and still others may fall prey to sins of the flesh. Still, I am thinking
that the greatest sins of all, are those we commit against ourselves.
We feel unworthy of our own forgiveness, but ourselves no slack,
refuse to try and understand where we are coming from and why
we ace and react the way we do. Interestingly enough, we are quite
capable of forgiving heinous atrocities in others. But, the small
misconducts in which we fail on a daily basis, will find no such
grace.

forgive and forget
pray be kind to me dear soul
me speaking to me

08/22/18

So, who do I want to be when I grow up?
I imagine, in striving for personal growth,
one must have a goal, an objective, a plan!
It's an interesting concept, this taking actual
responsibility for oneself, acting on it and
achieving something rather than dishing out
blame. Perhaps, the key word is acceptance.
After all, who actually accepts their age?
Their failing health? Their loose skin? The extra
weight? A new cavity or two? That whole
list: watch what you say, be straight and honest,
ask to serve rather than be served, worry less
about the money and more about the gift . . .
bottom line . . . grow up, take responsibility and
answer for yourself, to yourself and others.

me that child within
kid hiding under the bed
so fears growing up

08/21/18

I'm coming to believe when reconnecting
with a friend or loved one, you reconnect
with yourself as well. Of late, I have gotten
in touch with several friends I had thought
lost to me and truly I'm beginning to wonder
if it wasn't me that was lost instead. I best
be careful or I'm going to start quoting old
hymns . . .

finding me finds you
i was lost but now im found
not sure if this helps . . .

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound,
That save a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now I'm found,
was blind, but now I see.

Twas grace that taught,
my heart to fear.
And grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that grace appear,
the hour I first believed."

~John Newton, 1719

08/20/18

We spent the day with loved ones from Mexico and Venezuela.
I find both my soul and my appetite sated . . . What is it about
friends who gift us that conversation on a higher level, food
for the soul?! We go along, day after day, existing rather than
living, hungry . . . hungry for what, exactly? I've come to believe
we hunger after the REAL . . . substance, friendship, intellect, soul
connection. Meaningful conversations, our souls reaching out,
longing for that orgasmic moment when the mind is finally satiated.

amistad sin par
honrando a la diosa
corazón lleno

08/19/18

A glorious visit with a dear friend of yesteryear. It's not
so much that time flies when you're having fun, as the
old adage suggests . . . more along the lines of wisdom,
time stands still for no one. I find myself resentful of the
fact, like the spoiled child on verge of the tantrum most
terrible. What's the hurry? y pace has slowed, so why
can't Mr. Time lesson his speed a tad? The expression,
life in the fast lane, must have been written with oldsters
in mind as they sit on the sidelines of life and watch it
pass them by. Not to worry, my mind canters at speeds
that not even the gods can match. So, bon voyage to each
and everyone for their own journeys and destinations.

long time no see friend
find myself most curious
how time has changed us

08/18/18

Phenomenal woman, or should I say phenomenal WOMEN?!
We have all known, albeit man or woman, the ordinary, the
amazing, the common, the mind-blowing, the crazy, the sane.
Still, in looking back over years and the women I have known,
'tis the PHENOMENAL I wish to honor just now. That woman
who holds down three part-time jobs in order to put a roof
over her family, that woman who confronts the board, the PTA,
the powers at be, to serve and protect her special child. That
woman who drives all night after a hard day's work, to be at
the hospital where her child is confined after a horrific accident,
that woman who rises up out of the harsh world that surrounds
her, to give back to a world that has betrayed her over and over.
Pray God, that I would be such a woman before 'tis my time to
journey to the River Styx.

so honored to be
womankind most amazing
long to be worthy

08/17/18

A day of errands has a way of grounding me.
Although, it would probably be more effective
if we didn't have Chile Rellenos and Margaritas
for lunch . . . changes the entire way you view
errand day, let me tell you! Still, the Rellenos
an Margaritas have a way of transporting me
straight back to Mexico and my 20 year sojourn
there. Our lovely Mexican waitresses, to say
nothing of the chef (one of the great loves of my
life), only speak Spanish, so the transport is quite
authentic. It's amazing how our memories have
a way of interrupting and managing our daily lives.
Not quite sure how we'd cope without them.
Bon voyage, I say!

missing mexico
memories alive and well
when may i return

08/16/18

I find myself wondering what is the role in society
of the throwback? We elders who don't fit the norm
of today's woman . . . the healers, the protecters, the
storytellers . . . those women who hunt and gather
hers, making lotions and potions, comforters of the
soul . . . throwbacks! I have to believe that we are
each born to serve in a given place in the society to
which we were born. It's just that in a world that
worships at the altar of eternal youth, I feel as if I
were born an old woman, an elder, if you will. I'm
not complaining, just contemplating. As I draw
nearer to the latter part of my own life, I find
myself wondering about such things. There are times
I do feel as if I were born out of time and place.
Having said that, still it is my fondest desire to serve . . .
just trying to suss out the exact fit of my piece in this
grandiose puzzle that is life.

oh where is my place
i find myself a bit lost
needing to be found

08/15/18

Friendship on my mind . . . come February,
we will all be inundated with the subject.
Poems will be written, sentiments sung
and danced, gifts purchased and hearts
broken. But, what about real friendship,
the kind we have the other eleven months
of the year? We all experience it on different
levels. Yet, the real questions might be, how
do I participate in the act of friendship? Am
I a real friend? Am I there in times of trouble?
Or am I just that cute card kind of friend once
a year? Am I just too busy when I'm really
needed or do I make the time? Can I truly
respect myself in the line of friendship? I am
discovering the kind of friend I wish to be by
the way mine have stuck by me in times of
trouble, the way they have been there for me
in my own personal storms. I pray I can rise
to the occasion!

friendship on my mind
so hoping i can be real
only kind that rocks


08/15/18

On the contrary my dear. I disagree. 

Not only have you made friendship an art, 

but you've schooled and mentored the rest 

of us in that art. You've been an enduring 

example of care, generosity, and graceful hospitality. 

And you stick with friendship tenaciously! Over years, 

you keep people in your heart and in your thoughts.

Perhaps we (I, especially) haven't shown you how 

we've absorbed our lessons often enough, but I think 

the very fact that people want to visit, seek you out, 

says something important.

Please don't doubt yourself, and know that 

we don't doubt you...

Love and hugs, Sally

08/14/18

Recently, in being gifted with visits
from a few old friends and neighbors,
I find myself contemplating the old life
I chose to leave behind as well as the
new life I've chosen to embrace. it's
interesting how one's mind allots them
to time and place in given eras. "Oh yes,
I knew Pattie when I lived in the valley!
And, back in college, there was Mary Beth!
Of course, I knew Jane up in the mountains
and I'll never forget Janice in Portland!" I
find it interesting that the mind has it's own
geography, the whys and wherefores of
placement. Something to ponder as I find
I simply don't get it!

am missing old friends
perhaps im soon to be gone
where are you today

08/13/18

My prima hermana posted a pic this morning
our our aunt's 80th. Not only did it bring back
a myriad of memories, but one is reminded
of the precarities of life, if you'll forgive the
bastardization of the word! In looking at it,
I believe we've lost either four or five family
members since it was taken. I am struck by
how easily we slip into our given daily routines,
existing rather than living. I can well remember
thinking in days of yesteryear, that I would
never just exist, I would live life to the fullest!
I think I had some idea that 'twas only the
oldsters that had tiny lives and simply faded
away at some point . . . and here I am. Obviously,
shekels are an issue, to say nothing of time
constraints, health and our ever changing tastes.
Nonetheless, I appreciate the reminder that life
is to be LIVED! Best get on with it then, hadn't I?

life is to be lived
to exist is not enough
reminder needed

08/12/18

Only yesterday, August rolled around,
yet here we are almost to mid point.
One hears the old adage about time
flying when you're having fun and like
sentiments. Still, I have to wonder if
they actually have to do with age, a life
well lived, or if it's simply the nature
of the beast. I suppose, as I approach
the latter part of my own life, I would
like Father Time to slow his own pace.
For my part, the least I could do is pay
more attention. It's hard to face the
fact that it's my own responsibility to
get the most out of life and stop
assigning blame and burden elsewhere.
I must ask myself, when is this living,
as opposed to existing, supposed to
begin? Pray I am listening.

it has been rumored
twenty four hours a day
a likely story

08/11/18

One of the things I truly value in the latter
years of life is witnessing acts of courage.
People do rise above themselves; they do
grow; they do astound. When then, do we
wait so long to do the right thing? To love
without thought of life and limb, the possible
consequences, to become the people we are
capable of being? I think it boils down to this:
I want to be known for who and what I am
rather than for what I might become. Maybe
what I'm talking about is actually growing up.

i want to man up
am seeking courage to grow
pray not count the cost

08/10/18

He came back . . . the bear came back!
'Twas around 10:15 when the dogs alerted
us. My God, the mere size of that bear is
jaw dropping. It was humorous, I suppose,
the running from window to to window, door
to door and back to the security screen.
I would say we were like children in a candy
store. i find myself grateful on several levels.
Love that we have a bear in the first place.
So enjoyed the fun of having him come through
both early morning and late at night. Appreciate
the safety we find within the cabin. Most of all,
the return of child-like delight is priceless.

a bear on my mind
am thinking of little else
the glee of a child

08/09/18

The lights and barking dogs of our security system
came on at 4:17 this morning. As one awakens, the
first reaction is annoyance, I suppose . . . and then
you see an enormous bear meandering calmly up
the stone walkway, onto the patio and right by the
door and bar-b-q. We literally ran down the stairs
and to the windows to catch last glimpses . . . to
say nothing of the umpteen times we watched him
come and go on the security camera footage. Now,
this is truly what an adrenaline rush feels like . . .
and only later does a tad of fear and concern set in.
Will he come back? Are we safe? How do we handle
a physical confrontation? A bit scary all told, but fun.

harking back on my
lions and tigers and bears
a childs memories

08/08/18

Spending the afternoon with one of my
dearest friends and her lover, reminds me
once again of the joys of friendship and
communion. It's rather a salad mix of
lovely ingredients when you think about
it. A glorious encounter, sharing of fine
conversation, wonderful home-made foods,
the occasional sip of cold beer, a fun dessert
that just arrived in the mail, a walk on the
grounds and a reluctance to leave. Once
again, I am much moved by the amazing
gift of friendship.

new friends and old friends
communion of the ages
how am i so blest

08/07/18

One of the tremendous truths known throughout
the ages, is that friendship, its love and power,
is the greatest gift of all time. Obviously, we all
have friends, value them, care for them, love
them. But once in a while something happens
to make you realize the actual magnificence of
the gift. When happens, the light dawns and
all else pales by comparison. Perhaps the true
girt that we can give our spouses, our children,
our friends and even ourselves, is the gift of
friendship. For I have come to understand too
late, that one can be friends and never have
shared the gift of friendship. I don't know
whether to be grateful for this realization or
to lay down and weep.

caring for others
of love and friendship i sing
may i be worthy

08/06/18

An all nighter, I am so going to pay for this today.
My bad as I only allow myself coffee once or twice
a month since my doc doesn't allow me the joy of
java, period. I mulled over a few bad ideas, painful
memories, watched a couple of who done its, made
plans for a non-happening future like weight loss
and winning the lotto . . . and still no rest for the
wicked. For my sins, I damn well better sleep
tonight! I go on like this much longer and even
Doctor Death might be welcome.

beyond exhausted
pray i sleep until doomsday
oh to pay homage

08/05/18

I have to chuckle, we have been planning
on visiting a friend we haven't seen in a
couple of years. So, in asking for updated
directions, we've exchanged several e-mails.
She sent me the new directions; I asked for
clarification; she did so and in the interest
of making sure we actually arrive, I re-sent
the corrected version to make certain they
were right. My friend writes back, "You're
confusing me!" I wanted to respond, "Street
where I live," but I thought better of it as it
would have sounded quite glib. But actually,
in life, I suppose we all do a lot of these back
and forth attempts at understanding. We
have a need to make certain we're on the
right track, that we're getting it right . . .

want to understand
i so want to get it right
want to be present

08/04/18

A parenthesis in time . . . a hiatus, if you will.
Living in the Boondocks with few social occasions,
yesterday we experienced the magical three. I only
prayed for the wisdom of sobriety and the courage
to embrace it. Champagne brunch with a long-time
girlfriend, FAC at good friends' home and finally,
one of my son's art shows at the famous William
Havu Art Gallery. You can't go far wrong with the
joy of seeing your offspring in such phenomenal
surroundings. I am beyond proud of him.
Extrapolating, always and always, we should focus
on the many positive gifts given us. It is such a
human tendency to focus on dishes to be washed,
house to be cleaned, money running out and imagined
slights from friends. When in reality, there are sunrises
and sets to behold, tipples to be shared, conversations
to be had . . . joy abounds everywhere. Perhaps, it is
not something to be learned, but rather remembered.
Let's remember joy!

happy happy day
step in the right direction
remembering joy

08/03/18

I find the social side of life somewhat
interesting since we have retired. I
suppose, it could be said that it happens
when it happens. We go days without
seeing anyone and then, on days like
today, we have three social engagements.
It's all good. Another interesting aspect
is the fact that those you stay in touch
with are not necessarily the same people
you dealt with all your working years.
Perhaps as one grows older, family becomes
even more important than before. I don't
think, for a moment, that people leave our
lives due to issues or misunderstandings.
It's simply that, once retired, one's entire
playground is different. Different abilities,
different hours, different money, different
interests. And, it's all good . . . just different.

come and play with me
i find myself missing you
sorry too tired

08/02/18

With loss, the pall is overwhelming.
The sun no longer shines. The air
is dank and dreary. Where to seek
light? My soul thirsts after dawn.
Will it never break? Will I never be
free of the dark? Weary am I for
trying to find my way, meandering
through all that is dismal. Where,
oh where is the path?!

sad days weeks months years
or is it a way of life
when shall i be healed

08/01/18 - Lughnasadh

I so love Lughnasadh! It's rather the promise of
Autumn to come and I do so love Autumn! The
perfect time of year with all it's changing colors,
just right temps and exciting celebrations. Me
thinks it speaks to the child within; that would
explain it. Happy Lughnasadh!

lughnasadh arrives
autumn knocking at the door
summer waving bye