08/31/19

I was looking at those thin, left
over, blades of soap by the sink
this morning, wondering and
remembering. I like to use rather
expensive, hand-made soaps, and
being from the 50's, don't like to
throw them out. 'Twas then I had
a childhood vision, as it were. My
mom used to put them in the foot
of a nylon stocking, tie it up and cut
off the excess. Into the old Maytag
washer, they would go. When the
gyrations sufficed, she would lift out
the bag and begin the rinse process.
(I feel like bowing down and worshiping
my automatic washer and dryer, make
no mistake!) So, here's to those pesky
little pieces, those inescapable bits . . .

old bits and pieces
all washed down the drain again
pray gift me some new

08/30/19

So love me some reds . . . but I
tend to worry. Is it that I love to
drink or is it that I just enjoy the
entire story-telling process? My
father raised Concords along with
four other types of actual wine grapes.
My mom would make jelly out of all
five kinds. Concord jelly is traditional,
but she stepped outside the box when
making wine grape jelly. So good and
such fun! My father loved making his
different kinds of wines. I remember
back in the day when his wine was
evaluated at $30.00 a bottle here in
Denver. Didn't just make his day,
made his entire life! So, I have an
appreciation of wine, a gift from him.
I like the planning, the searching, the
actual purchasing. I organize them
in alphabetical order. They look so
beautiful on the shelves. Then, when
it's time to choose one . . . looking
them over, pondering just the perfect
choice. The right glass, the swirl, the
bouquet, finally the tasting. Oh yes, it
is a process . . . and I love it all.

a thing of beauty
oh such joy lining the shelves
heres to my father

08/29/19

 . . . or, on the other hand,
life isn't all happiness. Somehow,
life contains all emotions . . .
happiness, sorrow, joy, sadness,
expectation, disappointment. I
believe it's called balance and we
aren't Pollyanna after all. I don't
have the answers, but it seems to
me that some kind of acceptance of
'ALL' is required. All these feelings
and experiences exist; there's no
getting around it. So perhaps, this
acceptance, with grace, is required.
Perhaps, ACCEPTANCE is the answer.

what is required
acceptance is the answer
pray it be enough

08/28/19

Harking back to high school days, I
recall we silly girls making grand lists
surrounded by little hearts and flowers.
They went something like this:
Happiness is . . .
 . . . a new dress.
 . . . a kiss in the dark.
 . . . a day on the river.
And while those are a sweet memory,
it occurs to me that we adults would do
well to remind ourselves of similar ditties!
Happiness is . . .
 . . . a walk in the rain.
 . . . a lovely day with a friend.
 . . . a sunset with a lover.
I so lament losing sight of Happiness is . . .

pray do remind me
memories of yesteryear
a balm to my soul

08/27/19

Yesterday, a couple on bikers came by,
greeted us and asked if they could see
my gypsy wagon. They commented that
they had wanted to stop numerous times
but had been hesitant. I looked at their
humungous bikes, his braided beard, their
demeanor and I was struck by how they
were hesitant to ask, and normally, I would
have been very cautious of them. Sad, really!
I opened my heart and soul and we spent a
lovely time wowing over the vardo, visiting
and getting acquainted. I actually abhor the
fear I sometimes feel; it makes me both sad
and annoyed with myself. Obviously, one
shouldn't throw caution to the wind; it's there
for a reason, after all. Still, I want to sally
forth and conquer rather than tremble in the
shadows!

face it disgrace it
tis sorrowful when fear rules
leaving fear behind

08/26/19

Strange; I've been thinking about mail
and how much I miss it. Basically, from
the time I left home at 14/15, I always
wrote a letter a day. Parents, brother,
extended family, friends . . . could all be
covered in the span of 30 days if I wrote
one a day. It's been so long since I had
a letter or even wrote one. I blame it on
e-mail (which I love) and my deteriorated
handwriting (which I hate). So easy, day
or night, to pop an e-mail to someone
and handwriting doesn't matter. Maybe
for me at this time, postcards might be
the answer. Love them! Hope I follow
through!

missing you greatly
need to start mailing again
let me hear from you

08/25/19

I love surprises! I came home last night
to find a surprise box outside the door.
I had no idea who it was from but I much
enjoyed the contents. This afternoon, I
found out who it was from. I rather liked
that a note wasn't left as I had a day to
enjoy the mystery. As children, we had
surprise parties. Sometimes our moms
would put a surprise in our lunch boxes.
An unexpected card might come in the
mail or even a phone call from far, far
away. This wondrous surprise has inspired
me . . . I think I'll put together some
surprises of my own! Yay!!!

so like surprises
love greatest surprise of all
i pray i share some

08/24/19

Regrets . . . what is it about regrets?!
There are times when I feel that they
drive my every waking hour. "Why did
I say that? Did I really need to do that?
What was I thinking? No way did I just
do that!" Self chatter is almost as bad
as regrets; me thinks they are kissing
cousins, walking life hand in hand. In
the modern vernacular, 'let it go' comes
to mind. How can I let my regrets go?
They plague me. They haunt me. I want
to grow, to do better, to make amends.
I don't see letting go in the mix at all.
Maybe the best I can do just now is try
not to muddy my waters with more
regrets. Pray, let it be . . .

still working on me
my perfectionistic bent
pray i grow each day

08/23/19

It's time to go home. What fun it is
to leave home and go adventuring!
What I don't understand is why one
then looks forward to returning?!
Maybe that's the plus side of vacays.
Fun to go, fun to enjoy, fun to return.
One hears these old adages about
home, "Home is where the heart is,"
for example. They must all be true,
one way or another. You know how
we all get so wrapped up in planning
our vacays?! I find I'm thinking the
same way about going home. "What
shall I do first? Oh, I can hardly wait
to do that! I so look forward to doing
the other . . . " Guess the good thing
is that I love my home!

where shall i go next
homeward bound i'm homeward bound
my fave place to be

08/22/19

Getting away? Or, getting away from me?
Funny how we all enjoy getting away, going
on vacation and trying to leave our troubles
behind. I rather like the idea of leaving the
old me as well, but I find she tends to come
along, no matter where I go. Which leaves
me wondering . . . how the hell can I learn
to leave her, her issues, her shit, somewhere
I'll never see her again. It's not that she's such
a bad guy, it's simply that I like to think that
I've grown beyond her. I'm working on it . . .
at least metaphorically. I understand now,
that many of the things I throw away, get
rid of, share . . . are all about dry runs for
letting go. I may need more wisdom than
luck, so feel free to send some my way . . .

trying and trying
ever and always learning
wisdom as well please

08/21/19

A sweet memory from my childhood . . .
when I turned 3 years old, my father
told me he was going to give me a special
gift. He then said that for the rest of my
life the number 3 would be my special
number. He squeezed my hand 3 times
and said 3 squeezes meant I love you.
He encouraged me to watch for my special
number every single day and finding it
would be a reminder that he loved me.
It became a fun game to find 3 . . .
3 crows pecking away at the lawn, 3
cows in a pasture, 3 cookies for dessert,
3 pines in the yard and ever and always
3 squeezes for I love you. To this day, I
watch for 3, the gift my father gave me,
 . . . and dad, it's me squeezing your
hand 3 times . . .

thinking of my dad
threes about everywhere
sending me his love

08/20/19

Memory plays such games with our minds.
I'm not sure if it's our own wishes and
desires that make this so, or perhaps it's
our subconscious rewriting history to
make us more comfortable with our own
actions. In a recent familial gathering,
I found that several of us had our own
account of the same event. Strange, very
strange indeed. This leads me to question
truth. Truth is supposed to be impervious
to change, yet each of us seem to have our
own truth. Or perhaps, I'm mixing up truth
with point of view. Me thinks what this
boils down to for me is: 1) Be damn careful
with judgement calls; it is point of view
after all. 2) Recognize that truth is indeed
personal. It is imperative that although
personal, it MUST remain honest. Real
truth vs. Wizard of Oz, if you will.

off with the blinders
seeking truth and honesty
singing my own song

08/19/19

Once in a while, the universe conspires
to give that one special gift, unexpected,
one of immense joy. I feel blest beyond
measure to have received such a gift. The
enjoyment of intelligent sharing, tales
told out of school, understanding in a
glance, a chuckle . . . precious beyond
measure! Those unplanned moments,
no interruptions, perfect weather, a meal
most delish,  a glass or two of Cotes
du Rhon . . . how to acknowledge such
largesse? 'Tis beyond the pale!

a gift of the gods
wrapped in a sun shiny day
magick is afoot

08/18/19

Never been a TV watcher. Me thinks
it has something to do with not having
a TV until I had been married for ten
years. Still, love me some movies!!!
Nothing more fun that your lover
waking you up in the middle of the night
and saying, "There's a great movie on;
wanna watch it?" Okay, so there might
be something more fun but still . . .
Great movies ahoy . . . nah, it's all about
the memories . . .

remembering you
memories are made of this
let us make a few

08/17/19

Suck excitement! A ginormous black bear
in the yard woke us up at night onto 3:00
in the morning. He walked through the
property four times that we could see. My
guy recorded him so we were able to watch
several times. Funny how you take your
safety for granted. You're cleaning house
and want to run some trash out to the bin
and behold, a giant bear. Speaking of which,
he certainly had his way with the trash as
well! I'm between being seriously wowed
and hoping against hope, I never run into
him face to face!

fathers creations
of times can be frightening
be careful out there

08/16/19

So, just when does self acceptance
set in? I find myself longing for the
day! Frankly, I'm not even sure why
we are so critical of ourselves, yet so
forgiving, so understanding of others.
I'm reminded of the verse, "Do to
others as you would have them do to
you." (Luke 6:31) But, I may need to
turn it around so I'm as kind and decent
to myself as I am to others! Here I am,
nigh onto a hundred years old and . . .
still learning!

learning my lessons
so i must be nice to me
finally get it

08/15/19

Just when I'm getting down, the full moon
seems to emerge. Bright blessings to the
moon that inspires me and keeps me sane.
The Sturgeon moon, happening tonight,
honors the Sturgeon fish in a time when
they seemed to render themselves catchable.
For the Native American tribes, this was
priceless. For us perhaps, 'tis romanticized,
but for them it was a life saving gift of the
gods. The Sturgeon could be captured, eaten,
but also sliced and dried to be consumed during
the winter months. In days of yesteryear, this
moon had alternative names: The Grain Moon,
The Green Corn Moon (my fave), The Fruit
Moon and The Barley Moon. Having said this,
The Sturgeon Moon seems to have prevailed.
Happy full moon to all and let's actually
remember the significance of this wondrous
Sturgeon Moon tonight.

so loving tonight
oh lunar lady bless me
i wish to be whole

08/14/19

I'm struggling! There is so much good
in the world and equally, there is so
much bad in the world. I truly make an
effort to focus on the good as I see it
everywhere I turn. On the other hand,
watch the news, listen to the comments,
evil seems to reign. I'm not a Pollyanna,
nor will I ever be. Still, I'm not certain
I can successfully continue to live in a
world of such evil if I don't turn a blind
eye. At that point, not sure I can live
with myself . . . somehow I need to help.
At nigh onto 70 and my circle growing
smaller all the time, me thinks this may
be about simply helping those around
me. If we each did that, ultimately the
concentric circles would most likely
glow in the dark . . . the dark, dark, dark
of this sad, sad world.

at war with myself
the fight twixt good and evil
eternal struggle

08/13/19

What is it about color? I think my mom
dressed me in vibrant colors throughout
my childhood. (Lose the pinks and blues
please!) All the years I was teaching, I
dressed mostly in varying tones of sepia;
(along with tons of natural jewelry) still
love them. But, ever since I retired, I've
only worn black. Not quite sure how this
actually happened . . . perhaps a protest
against my post-professional life. Still,
once you've worn black, you never go
back . . . bastardization though the quote
might be! Love me some black; make
no mistake!!!

such a crazy gal
enjoying life in the dark
so loves her some black

08/12/19

I just read the statement, "Everything in life
is temporary." My question then would be,
"Why is change so difficult?" Is it because
we almost inadvertently form habits and then
are either too lazy or too unaware to change?
If you ask me (Please don't!) for a list of the
things I would like to change in my own life,
I could probably belt out a dozen or more.
Most likely, goes back to the old standard of
yesteryear, "Choose only three things to work
on at once." And, NOT because I'm too lazy
or anything, but when do we actually get to
accept ourselves just as we are?!

pondering changes
harder than i imagined
attempts must be made

08/11/19

I am missing you . . . an amazing concept,
wouldn't you agree. Today, we have such
a variety of ways to communicate . . . Yet,
knowing you're away makes me think of
you more often and miss you, simply miss
you! When you are here, I don't see you
nearly as much as I would like. Still,
knowing you are here matters. On the other
hand, I truly want you to travel, see extended
family and friends, see the world. I guess
there's a reason I'm the most unbalanced
Libra Ive ever met! Don't mind me . . .
happy travels!!!

libra ups and downs
is life a dichotomy
or would that be me

08/10/19

We actually only go out to eat about two or
three times a month. Still, I don't find I cook
like I used to. My man cooks his own meat
as I'm a vegetarian and he likes his way best.
The children are adults, so it's way too easy
to open the fridge and see what falls out. I'm
sure this is also good for the health, right?!
It almost takes guests to get me off my ass
and into the kitchen! I am a good 'cooker' as
my grandson used to say . . . perhaps just a
tad lazy in my old age. Now, having confessed,
there are some times that I am coaxed into
the kitchen and do indeed prepare something
quite divine. Today is such a day. I can hardly
wait . . . gourmet calories ahoy!!!

pleasures of the flesh
embrace eating and drinking
love notwithstanding

08/09/19

Communication in our era is such an amazing
thing. Miraculous is the actual word that comes
to mind. I've also come to realize that most
people have a fave way of staying in touch. I
notice young people do a great deal of texting
(alas, I've yet to learn how.) Some people live
on their cell phones, yet others still write those
wondrous cards and letters; love that! My medium
of choice would be e-mail. I like that you can do
it any hour of the day or night, think out what you
want to write and be as lengthy as you jolly well
please! Still, although I'm not a phoner in any
way, shape or form, the odd phone call from one
much loved is a joy indeed! Bottom line, let's
stay in touch!

ill be phoning soon
miss you long to hear your voice
rather youd be home

08/08/19

Once a moon span, my other sister comes
to see me. I truly love her more than life
itself, but bottom line, I actually believe she
is one of the main reasons I've been able
to stay alive these past two years since the
death sentence was visited upon me. In our
busy busy lives, I don't think we forget so
much as we simply don't have time, make
time for the important things. We are heavily
weighed down with our duties, unforeseen
responsibilities and somehow, living gets in
the way of life. It's not right! Let's set life
aside from time to time and actually LIVE!

love life and living
needs be interrupts all three
lets really live

08/07/19

Perhaps Stanley Adams said it all when he wrote
the lyrics to What a Difference a Day Makes. We've
all experienced this, all of us! I've noted over the
years that I can be gloriously happy one day and
more than a bit miserable the next; I simply hadn't
thought of it in this context before. Goes a long way
towards proving that one can still learn new things
whilst approaching 70! I'm not exactly certain where
I want to go from here, but I do recognize this bears
some thinking about. I wonder if we could actually
have a greater impact on whether our days render
joy or sorrow. Not sure if Norman Vincent Peale's
The Power of Positive Thinking has all the answers
either. Still, somewhere 'twixt book and song, there
has to be some answers. Me thinks focusing on the
myriad of bits and pieces of joy throughout one's day
might be the answer. After all, 'tis the seasoning that
makes the meat delish!

try to remember
native wisdom from within
singing my own song

08/06/19

I've often been accused of exaggerating . . .
I get it; I do tend to speak in superlatives.
But in my defense, I'm a passionate woman;
how else am I to convey my very strong
feelings if I don't exaggerate?! I seem to
think in terms of degrees . . . 1st degree, like.
2nd degree, love. 3rd degree, adore. May seem
silly to some, but it rather helps me to clarify
exactly how invested I am in any given thing.
I like excellent food, decent wines, fun picnics,
a good movie. i love unforgettable moments,
unusual experiences and wondrous surprises.
But, I adore my children more than even the
angels love. I adore my friends, most loyal.
I adore those heroes and sheroes whose
amazing actions have inspired me to persist,
to go the distance . . . so if indeed I do
exaggerate . . . and I tell you I fucking adore
you . . . know that you are truly loved!

understanding me
to like to love to adore
unusual dame

08/05/19

Teaching, the sharing of knowledge, learning
from both my preparation and my students . . .
the most wondrous gift in the entire universe!
Frankly, I have found I simply don't know
how to cope without teaching. It's embedded
in my soul; I feel as if I were starving to death
when I'm not teaching! Perhaps, the classroom
is no longer the place for me to be, but I must
continue teaching, one way or another . . .
ere I die . . .

the love of learning
born in the depths of my soul
tis meant to be shared

08/04/19

I find myself struggling to comprehend that amazing
phenomena of permanence vs. impermanence.
This truly creeps into every aspect of our lives,
doesn't it?! I happen to walk in front of a mirror
and find that the permanent woman I knew from
yesteryear is no longer there. Old friends become
mere memories of yore, to be replaced with mew
acquaintances. Our little children for whom we
cared ever so gently, have homes of their own and
new babes to be loved and coddled. Liaisons we
thought to be eternal are gone or broken . . . where
does it all end? I am so longing for something,
someone, I can hold onto . . . forever . . .

missing you and me
where does forever begin
never to be found

08/03/19

Is it the Last of the Mohicans or the last of
Renn fair?! One way or another, we graced
parts unknown with our presence today. It
was truly wondrous. We enjoyed a couple
of Virgin Marys and simply people watched.
The costuming paraded before us was absolutely
astounding! People really put a lot of thought
into their clothing. I especially got a kick out
of all the head gear we got to see. Another fun
part of the day was seeing friends, neighbors
and children, all checking in with us from time
to time. Ever so glad to be home, and whilst
most exhausted, I'm already looking forward
to next year!

so when i grow up
i want to be a gypsy
my vardo and all

08/02/19

In the spirit of Lughnasadh, first harvest,
I find myself pondering the things I would
like to change. It's so easy to put a list
like this together . . . lose weight, drink less,
stop swearing, dye your hair, don't get a dog!
Yes, the problem is NOT making the list, but
making it meaningful, making it real. It has to
make sense to your mind and soul or it won't
work. Another thing to consider would be NOT
to make this all about the physical; the mental,
the spiritual, is far more important! I remember
in grade school, our teachers had us write new
year's resolutions. I always came up with so
many it made the Ten Commandments look
shabby. I realize now that choosing a do-able
number, like THREE, might just help with the
whole success thing!

i so want to grow
how can i make that happen
maybe grow up first

08/01/19 - Lughnasadh, First Harvest

A new beginning, new hope, Lamas,
or Lughnasadh, as I prefer, is a wondrous
time in which to think about who I want
to be when I grow up. These next three
Pagan celebrations represent first, second
and third harvests. First harvest, beginning
today and lasting for six weeks, gives us
that spiritual time to be, to think, to plan.
So today, I too will begin the thoughts that
lead to planning my upcoming year; may
they be true, may they be inspired . . .

first day of harvest
exciting new beginnings
what will happen next

07/31/19 - Black Moon Rising

Sooooo exciting, a black moon rising.
They aren't common, tending to show
themselves every three years. Having
had two new moons this month, what
makes this one particularly special is,
we'll be having the Delta Aquariid and
the Perseid meteor shower tonight, to
quote Wikipedia. Were we in a full
moon, its light would outshine any
other, whereas the black moon will only
enhance. Alas, subtantial rains are
expected to interfere with this event,
but perhaps simply the knowing is
enough.

magick at midnight
even only in my mind
warms my heart and soul

07/30/19

Note to the Universe:
I'm learning! I'm learning!

'Twixt and 'tween a couple of different
realities here . . . I find myself much
enjoying this different, country-side
experience. I'm so used to mountain
living that the flatlands catch me out.
The trees on this particular space must
be at least 300 years old. The openness
of the space shows off the moon and
stars as never seen at my place. This
matters, this whole enjoying the moment
without necessarily needing a grandiose
happening to make it important!

live in the moment
lessons from the universe
much truth to be learned