07/29/19

Me thinks the most fab gift my lesser
half has ever given me is that of his
great kiddos. (See dear heart, I don't
always talk 'Shakespeare' as you like
to call it!) I'm particularly excited today
as we're off to see his daughter and
fam. I would have to confess, one of
the greatest things about retirement
is getting to take these little trips in
which we get to see all our children . . .
and bottom line, you know that even
for all your sins, if your babies turned
out great, all's right with the world.
This matters; it truly matters!

these gifts from the gods
my kids your kids our children
the absolute best

07/28/19

We've been told over and over to
focus on the good things that happen
in a day rather than dwelling on the
bits and pieces of bad . . . but do we
do it? Hell no! For some unknown
reason, making it all about the bad
seems to please us. Is it because it
garners us much needed attention?
Is it simply a habit? Is it because we
don't have our priorities straight? Me
thinks we must somehow re-train our
way of thinking and reacting. I swear,
if it's the last thing I do on earth, I'm
going to get this right! To quote ole
Clint: "The good, the bad and the ugly . . ."
I'm in for the good and some other
loony tunes can have the bad and the
ugly!!!

relearn rethink now
tis a gran necessity
in for the long haul

07/27/19

Nigh onto 70 years on this planet and
I still find I am amazed at how each and
every day tells an entirely different story.
One day I'm grieving, one day I'm confused.
Other days I'm celebrating and still others
I'm contemplating passing over. And, not
to forget those days when i'm orgasmic
with joy when experiencing a moment with
Mother Nature, sharing coffee and chat with
a friend or creating gifts at the table. I can't
help but wonder if it's me . . . the whole 'scales
never balanced Libra thing' or if those normal
people find similarities with said lunacy?!
Bottom line, today is one of those fantabulous
days of joy . . . so needed this and am most
grateful!

begging on my knees
seeking joy wherever found
pray share the answers

07/26/19

Missed chances . . . something I've been
pondering of late. A compliment not given,
a statement not made, a conversation not
joined, a good deed not done, a gift not
shared. Obviously, there is no way in hell
to keep up with all the might have beens.
But, I think I'd like to make a stab at it.
A different kind of make my day, perhaps!

fab conversation
an interesting concept
enjoyed our visit

07/25/19

I used to think aging was about
getting older, and of course, it is
indeed. Having acknowledged that,
I must say that aging is about so
much more. For the first time in
my life, there are things I 'get'.
Things make sense because I'm
coming from an entirely different
perspective. Along with the aches
and pains, as well as activities
altered and limited, comes an
unexpected compassion for people,
circumstances, issues. I so wish, as
did my elders before me, that I could
have had a clue, understood more.
Perhaps, 'tis why youth get beauty
and elders get wisdom. Now, I'm
only waiting for that promised
patience to kick in.

gone from bad to worse
why only beauty or brains
when in doubt do both

07/24/19

Fun, fun day . . . my guy treated me to
a day in bed watching the Jesse Stone
series . . . haven't done that in forever.
I've been pondering the mysteries of our
relationship of late. We've been together
now nigh onto twenty years and I still find
myself tantalized by our differences. Some
of that is obviously due to the whole male/
female thing. Knowing each other since we
were three, going to school together as kids
now reconnected in our latter years and still
finding out things about each other. Wow!
Wonder if the gods will grant us another few
years for mysteries to solve and fun things
to find out?!

so liking my guy
still finding out some new things
puzzles are so fun

07/23/19 Happy Birthday Sammy!

Obviously, there is no way to not spend
the day remembering my brother Sammy.
He was an amazing young man who faced
so many woes and fought so many battles.
He was born with a malady named Von
Recklinghausen Disease, a disease rather
like a progressive dinner party, if you will.
So rare it was at the time, that a children's
organization would actually fly the some
fifteen children in the U.S. to visit each other.
Sammy was apparently normal until he was
three at which time he stopped talking until
he was eleven. I was the only person who
could understand him; I translated for him
to my parents, his teachers and childhood
friends until that time. Deemed special ed
not being enough, he was soon cursed by
regular gran mal epileptic seizures that would
hospitalize him for a couple of weeks at a time.
One of the few great blessings of his life was
eventually studying at the Colorado Springs
School for the Deaf and Blind. He had amazing
seeing-eye dogs throughout his life, much loved
by all of us. The last addition to his very difficult
life was MS; the gods finally gave him rest just
after my son was born. i find myself sore of spirit
even in the remembering. Bless him!

my heart ever hurts
sorrow in the memories
so cannot forget

07/22/19

In looking forward to our upcoming
trip to New Mexico, Chaco Canyon
features prominently. We are spending
the day having a look-see at some
Chaco Canyon documentaries . . .
(exhaustion-free travel a la Linda-Dale).
I find myself amazed beyond the pale,
even tearing up at more touching moments.
What incredible peoples have inhabited our
great Mother Earth! Landing on the moon,
as well as the entire space odyssey, pales
in my mind when comparing our phenomenal
native communities. I am much humbled!

must be remembered
our way not the only way
lessons to be learned

07/21/19 – Birthdays ahoy . . . Russel and Daddy . . .

I so enjoy birthdays and just love that we
got to celebrate my man yesterday! We have
such an amazing family; it was wonderful to
see them, tell tales out of school, eat and eat
and eat, slam a few beers, and simply spend
time together. Most wondrous! You all R O C K !!!

family the best
me thinks i know heaven now
come again next year

 - - -

Happy birthday Daddy! You know
I think of you everyday and talk
to you most days! Still, when your
birthday comes around, it's even
more poignant . . . the loving you,
the missing you, the longing for you
to be here by my side. I've always
known just how lucky I am to have
a father like you, your love and
support, your faithfulness to our
commitment as a dad. Alas, ever so
many have never known the joy of
having a father like you. How I thank
the gods you are in my life and always
have been!

pray enjoy your day
happiest birthday to you
ever missing you

07/20/19

The mind is such an amazing place to be.
It transports me into Memoryville, it lends
me strength when I need it, it gives me
safe passage to the places I am wont to
go, it hides me in its folds of loving care
when I can no longer cope . . . Who needs
reality when the mind is your best friend?!
I'm thinking of staying there!

my mind is calling
thinking about answering
safest place to be

07/19/19

Anticipation . . . I am at last coming
to understand the vast importance of
the word! If one has nothing to look
forward to, what's the point?! This is
what gets us out of bed each morning,
that which hits our sense of hunger as
we open the refrigerator prior to a meal.
But really, these are the small things.
Anticipation, real anticipation, is what
causes us to forge ahead, seek joys, go
on adventures, try new things and ideas,
live rather than exist. It's not only what
enables us to face the day, but what urges
us to embrace life itself.

anticipation
looking towards life and living
hardly wait to play

07/18/19

I've always enjoyed giving presents,
even as a child. I understand I've
made some people uncomfortable,
but I think my friends know this
about me and accept me as I am.
I had a rude awakening yesterday
that bears pondering. We decided
to treat ourselves at our fave cafe.
When it came time to pay, the chef's
assistant treated us. She explained
that she had wanted to do so for a
long while, a truly lovely gesture.
The interesting bit to me was just
how uncomfortable I felt receiving
the gift. A single mother, making
her way, working incredible hours
and she gifted us our meal. Wow!
I don't think it's in me to not give,
but learning to receive with the
same joy bears thinking about!

to give to receive
lessons from the universe
i pray i may learn

07/17/19

'Tis an awakening of sorts . . .
Over and over, I ask myself,
"Who am I going to be when
I grow up?" As I near 70, the
obvious is that I'm grownup
already! Still, I don't seem to
see much indication of this.
Everyday, I face new battles,
new challenges, new ideals.
I act on them when possible,
but on some level here, inertia
seems to be king of the road.
Once again, I'm taken with the
reality of bits and pieces. A day
at a time, that rare sacred
moment to be honored. I pray
I can rise to the occasion before
Lady Death comes for me.

thinking about things
my mind mulling them over
conclusions ahoy

07/16/19

I've been wondering about how life is
divided up . . . Of course there are the
months, weeks and days, but what about
holidays, birthdays and special occasions?
In teaching, for example, we divide up the
concepts into bits and pieces so as not to
overwhelm the student. We are taught in
problem solving to do something similar.
This leaves me wondering if somehow the
powers at be didn't do the same thing for
us in life?! Bottom line, I find I rather like
living from celebration to celebration! So,
Happy Full Buck Moon to you all tonight!!!

life of the party
of celebrations i sing
tis retirement

07/15/19

What's up with this whole, "Home,
sweet home, finally!" and, "I never
want to leave this gorgeous place?"
Man! Fickle to the end! Maybe, just
maybe, these sentiments express an
appreciation for Mother Nature and
at the same time, just how much I
love my home. Think I'll go with
that! When in doubt, do both!!!

spending time with her
so in awe of mother earth
tis ever her home

07/14/19

I almost hate waking up to the day in
which we'll be returning to real life. On
the other hand, I can hardly wait to go
home. Me thinks we humans are rarely
satisfied, if ever. Still, what a wondrous
time with our family and there's nothing
wrong with loving one's home as well.
We are lucky enough that we get to see
each other somewhat regularly, but the
fam reunion is the absolute best. I fully
intend to keep this mind-boggling beauty
of majestic mountains, stunning wildflowers
with a backdrop of the bluest skies ever
in my heart until we meet again! We do
indeed have the bestest family ever!

ever in my heart
promising to keep you there
til we meet again

07/13/19

Alas, me thinks OVERINDULGENCE
is the term of the day. It most likely has
something to do with wanting to squeeze
out every last iota of joy from our mini-vay.
Get up too early, eat too many pancakes,
drink too many Bloody Marys, drive too
many miles, shop too many antique stores,
eat too much Mexican food, build the bonfire
too big, talk too long into the night, go to bed
too late and do it all again on the morrow.
And nooooo regrets whatsoever. This is the
stuff memories are made of!

dying on the vine
more adventures lie in wait
anxious to suffer

07/12/19

Me thinks Colorado must be where
heaven is actually located! Obviously,
I'm biased, but that's not the point.
Spending days in the most majestic
spaces ever witnessed by humankind,
said conclusion is reached almost
automatically! We've seen white tail
deer by day and bats flying by night.
I'm almost afraid to mention the soaring
hawks; I have to pinch myself!

such beauty humbles
find myself bending the knee
and blessing the gods

07/11/19

There is something beyond magnificent
about being up in the mountains by a
beautiful lake at the annual familial celeb.
It's rather an amazing renewal of spirit.
This morning, I sit here looking out over
cotton candy clouds, bright blue skies,
vivid green trees, a gentle breeze, and I
find myself wishing that when it's my
time to go, let it be here! I am so utterly
happy! WOW! Just WOW!!! Rather
makes one believe in God! Such beauty
is almost Disney-esque, if you will! I
want to stay! Please don't take me home!!
 . . . ever!!!

different kind of beauty
now redefining happy
come and play with me

07/10/19

Funny things about plans, isn't it?! You
can make them until the cows come home,
but that doesn't necessarily mean you're
in charge and that things will unfold as
YOU wish them to. I guess what I'm really
wondering is, "Who indeed does make
things happen?" and/or, "Do we actually
have that much to say about it?" There is
a wondrous old Yiddish adage, "Man plans,
and God laughs." . . . Me thinks that says
it all. Bottom line, I guess we can and
should, go ahead with our lives, our plans,
but keep an open mind as to the changes
that occur that really have nothing to do
with us. Life at its best, right?!

so love me some plans
the fun is in the making
lets go anyway

07/09/19

I've been dreaming of my mom of late.
She lived with us the last three and a half
years of her life . . . but, that's a story for
another day. I was always much closer to
my dad, so it was somewhat amazing for
her to end her days with us. I saw no point
to getting into it with her whilst she lived
with us, so I determined I would talk to her
about things on my mind after she passed.
It's been an interesting process. I simply
greet her . . . and little by little I've visited
with her, as it were, about things on my
mind. Perhaps, I should have talked to her
lo these many years ago. It has helped;
I highly recommend this!

mom its been awhile
theres some things needs talked about
lets have a sit down

07/08/19

I struggle 'twixt and 'tween trying to
accept myself just as I am and still
seek personal growth. Perhaps that's a
perfect conundrum for a very unbalanced
Libra. When I look at the Libra scales, I
have to stifle a snicker as I always envision
myself wavering from one to the other.
I've wondered about the afterlife, even as
a child, but perhaps the truth is, heaven is
just a balancing of those very tipsy scales!

where to go from here
a place a time distant lands
paradigms ahoy

07/07/19

This morning, I've been reading about the
thrill-seeking related deaths in Colorado
that have occurred so far this year. Rather
beyond heartbreak. I have no answers, but
I do have questions. Are our lives so small
that only in seeking death do we find that
orgasmic thrill that keeps us alive?! Seems
to me that Mother Nature gifted us with that
eight-second petite mort . . . 'tis all about
proportion . . . and now we seem to want
to live there! Those eight-seconds are the
frosting on the cake, the spicy hot of delectable
food, that surprise of sweet and sour . . .
I repeat, and now we want to live there?!
There has to be something wrong with this
picture!

me seeking balance
may be the laugh of all time
still i want to try

07/06/19

I'm supposedly retired . . . so what exactly
does that mean?! Ice cream for breakfast?
Sleep in late? Take a nap if I damn well
want to? Get up at 2:00 a.m. and watch a
movie? Get in the car and go? Oh, I forgot . . .
do I have the shekels to follow my whims?!
All well and good, but sometimes I find
myself longing for, missing, STRUCTURE.
Me thinks I may need a psychiatrist . . .
seriously! Ah, to hell with structure! Come
on over and play!

missing my old life
struggling to try something new
come over and play

07/05/19

Me thinks SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
has more to do with the 4th of July
than the Rice Krispies of yesteryear.
I found myself smiling as I was
falling asleep to those nostalgic
sounds of patriotic noises last night.
The things I love most about our
national holiday would be the familial
get togethers and the remembrances
of those intangible things that are ever
so important and only thought of
around this time of year. I do pray
our RED, WHITE and BLUES, our
SNAP, CRACKLE, POPS last longer
than just that one evening of our lives.

more than just a date
patriot days of summer
ever in our hearts

07/04/19

Maiden, mother, crone . . . who are we?
Are we the three? My daughter, myself
and my mother? Or, do the three exist
in each of us as we experience the paths
of this life? I can't help but wonder if
we don't experience all three at different
points of our lives, or even on a daily basis.
I do recognize in my own life that I have
different levels of maturity several times
a day, for different reasons. I do so love
it when my own wisdom hits me over the
head from time to time. And then, I revert
to the child within as I tantrum with the
best of them! So, do I get to choose? Or,
do I simply accept that my psyche houses
the three and get on with it?!

always a mother
so leaving the child behind
longing for the crone

07/03/19

Illusive thoughts running through my mind,
tantalizing my sleepy imagination . . . an
effort, perhaps, to inspire an awakening?
Might I actually possess the moxie to rise
and shine from my self-induced coma?!
Alas, 'tis ever so much easier to exist
rather than to live . . . what might the
price of courage actually be?

pray grant me courage
alas fear stands in my way
trembling i stand forth

07/02/19

So love me some dead of night!
'Tis when the best thinking happens.
All things suddenly become clear,
possible even. I've always been a
moon worshiper, night virtually
preferable to day . . . go figure!
Nighttime is magical, mystical,
miraculous! Just bring me some
moon time, some nighttime, and
I may just make it . . .

magical moonlight
makes me happy every time
pray bring me some luck

07/01/19

That little girl, her eyes full of starlight,
her heart filled with hope and her mind
dancing in Never Never Land; I believe
she might have been me . . . How sad
that in adulthood, we must somehow
grow into the now, accept the quote,
unquote normal and learn to behave.
I want that dreamy child, the ever . . .
That's who I want to be when I grow up.
I need to go back to believing in fairies
and magic, unlearn the fear of monsters
and nightmares. I want my daddy to hold
my hand when I'm learning something new;
I like it when my little brother claps in glee
with my successes and even my mom with
a ready hanky for my tears. Why, oh why,
did I have to spoil it all, just to grow up?!

long live my dream world
been an adult far too long
come back little girl