03/31/18

To simply exist or to truly live?
To saunter through life with a
smile or worry needlessly because
we all know that worry actually
fixes everything?! Worrying is doing
my part . . . where would the world
be if I didn't worry. It's obviously
important for me to carry my weight!

shakespeare had it wrong
to worry or not worry
that is the question

03/30/18

'Tis snowing for yet the third day.
It is so beautiful but I am rather
beyond the pale with winter. I'm
reminded of that old Bible verse
that says something along the
lines of, "Your sins shall be washed
as white as snow." I wish the gods
could wash my psyche white as
snow. Me thinks I need to be
washed, bleached, rinsed and hung
up on the line to dry or dry out!

ever so tired
pray this funk be soon over
much in need of rest

03/29/18

I pray the light returns soon. I truly
believe it helps me to cope. It's cold
and dark out there; are the boogie
me going to get me? I've been
working hard on positive self-talk
although it may not seem like it. I
keep remembering that spring and
light are just around the corner. The
miracle of light is one we all need in
our lives. Lady Hekate has helped me
endure the dark winter. Now 'tis time
for Lady Brighid to sally forth.

praying for light here
perhaps the storms caught me out
please brighid come home

03/28/18

Yesterday afternoon we took my self-chosen
godmother out to eat at our fave restaurant.
I decided ahead of time to only have two margs
and am well pleased to report that I stayed
within my chosen boundaries. Nonetheless, near
the end, I broke down and sobbing told her I
didn't feel I could go, that I was truly done.
Me thinks I may be the most imbalanced Libra
ever born. I want to live on the one hand and
die on the other. I want to get well on the one
and just finish the entire business on the other.
I want to succeed at life and I want to be done
with life. The gods must shake their heads in
despair . . . that is, if they bother with me at all.

where to go from here
tis out of options i am
dying in battle

03/27/18

Perhaps the gods are wise to give us
our greatest challenges as the days
grow lighter. I truly am only trying to
survive and not certain I'll make it
this time. I wish I could talk but don't
feel I can. I feel like I'm thinking in
circles and can find no answers other
than my own tail. Enigmatic, I know.

i pray to the gods
protect me whilst i cannot
gates of hell await

03/26/18

I am soooooo pulled and don't know what
to do about it. It's interesting how I appear
to be so open, yet when one of my own
goes in a direction that my principals find
unacceptable, all of my openness seems to
shutter down. At what point is one betraying
oneself, and the million dollar question, how
long can one keep the blinders on before
actually betraying everything believed in?
I'm dying here and don't know what to do
about it . . . perhaps 'tis the actual birth of
depression and anxiety?!

my sorrow filled soul
tis the birth of death itself
seek forever rest

03/25/18

Much to look forward to today
as my children are coming for
brunch. They traveled in from
parts unknown in order to parcel
out the weekend to each of the
parents. I know we're all well
pleased. I only wish I had the
cabin in a better place but 'tis
not to be. I had forgotten just
how much work this whole
moving thing actually turns
out to be. I  pray today will be
as wondrous as I'm hoping.

the love of children
even as god understands
far surpasses all

03/24/18

I really hope that I can grow before I die.
Grow and/or grow up! I find I'm quite
disappointed in myself. Disappointed in
the wallowing in sorrow, drinking too much,
and constantly talking about dying. Funny
how I can actually see the picture but feel
helpless to do anything about it.

ive slipped and fallen
feeling sorry for myself
get hell out of dodge

03/23/18

After three long days of working on taxes,
I have something to look forward to. My
beautiful children are coming to see me
at the cabin this weekend. I am so exited
I can hardly concentrate. I NEED to lay
eyes on them. I actually recognize this need
as a gift for the universe. We all know
families who are estranged and don't get
to see their loved ones. Perhaps, they would
rather not. Maybe it's better that way. But,
for me, it's healing just to even think about
it, a gift from the gods. May I endure!

seeing my childen
my heart leaps at love so shared
redefining joy

03/22/18

Working on taxes for two days and this morning
will make it three. One collects all the necessary
receipts and other various and sundry paperwork
all year long and finally the end of March arrives
and there is no putting it off any longer. Every
year I dislike it intensely and ever year I think,
"That wasn't as bad as I though!' . . . still, it took
three days out of my life. Necessary evil, I guess.

wish taxes over
a sunny day better spent
now lets celebrate

13/21/18 - Ostara

Yesterday, an old friend of mine
came in from Kremmling to have
lunch, catch up and eventually
spend the night. It was a most
wonderful rest from unpacking
and placing. It was good to catch
up but in said process, one is
always reminded of tons of things
that hadn't been thought of in years.
It was amazing! She'll be off after
breakfast and I'll go back  to the
infernal unpacking!

dredging up stories
old friendships much remembered
memories savored

03/20/18 - Ostara today, Ostara tomorrow . . .

Funny how Mother Nature thinks she
has a say in which day is celebrated,
due to lunar activity and all. Me thinks
this year, I get THREE celebrations,
Saturday with the coven and now
today and tomorrow. Goddess knows
I need some celebration in my life.
A girlfriend I haven't seen in years is
coming today. Little does she know
we shall be honoring Ostara and her
lady!

so longing for warmth
lady eostre pity
i beg spring of you

03/19/18

"Ah, but you have forgotton, Grasshopper...

Mother worries so you don't have to."
~Audrey Boag

I much value Audrey's comment.
The crux of the matter for me is
how to stop worrying. I wonder
sometimes, if my psyche feels
that worrying is my part of the
equation. Mother Nature does
all the work and I chip in with
worry. Perhaps worry matters to
us, makes us feel whole and viable.
Nothing very helpful in that, when
you think about it. Now, how to
learn a different way.

my soul aches for rest
tired at the breaking point
rest for the wicked

03/18/18

As Ostara approaches, my thoughts
are on balance. I've often said, I'm
the most unbalanced Libra I know
and although my intent is humor,
it's really no joke at all. Ostara finds
us this week in a time of Mother Nature's
balance, an equality in time that only
happens twice a year. Perhaps I should
emulate Mother and not worry so much
about constantly trying to achieve balance.
She doesn't seem to lose sleep over it;
maybe it should be the same for me.

much to my chagrin
am walking the balance beam
often falling off

03/17/18

Today will be the first time I drive
in a year since the doctors forbad me.
I find myself quite nervous actually.
It has something to do with not
knowing my way, having a new pickup
that I've never driven and the fear of
defying the great deity known as
doctors. Not sure what the answer is
other than bite the bullet. I pray I
arrive in one piece and return alive.
Obviously, I won't be drinking! So
would hate to tempt fate.

tiny blooms emerge
ostara goddess of spring
grateful for blessings

03/16/18

I find myself ready for spring . . .
so really didn't enjoy the snow
yesterday. I imagine everyone is
anxiously awaiting green. I pray
spring finds me properly into my
cabin. I'm looking forward to the
light and warmer days. I do
understand we need all the seasons
but winter always feels longer than
the rest. Maybe the most important
part is my heart going from winter
to spring.

im feeling the joy
as spring truly approaches
welcoming the light

03/15/18

There are days, most days, that I wonder
about this amazing adventure we've
embarked on. I say WE, but really, I'm
the one who forced the issue. Russel has
been a great sport about it and of course
the kids are thrilled to receive the houses.
Russel is working in and on his man cave
while I attempt to find places to put away
things in the cabin. It's truly a five-gallon
bucket to be housed in a tiny jelly jar . . .
so NOT happening. Interesting how it
brings everything into focus. Keep? Find
a place? Give away? Goodwill? Trash?
Most enlightening!

don't fit any more
need courage and a trash can
cabin rejects me

03/14/18

Another day of packing and moving!
Me thinks tis me paying for all my
accumulated sins after all these years.
I get a few things put away and here
comes Mr. Wrong with yet another
truckload of things I had considered
to be treasures all these years. I may
now have a handle on what my bestie
Sally was going through these last couple
of years. She has a mother-in-law as the
cherry on top and I have a teenager,
cum split banana, under the ice cream
sundae, as it were . . .

my soul must travel
but my body longs for home
my dichotomy

I have mixed feelings about my post today.
I may have been trying too hard to be humorous
about a difficult situation and it sounds like I'm
putting down Russel. In all actuality, he's been
an absolute rock and I honor him for this. In jest,
I may call him a slave driver and other sweet
nothings, but he's really been great. I don't know
whether to let it be,  do a re-write or just scrap
the whole thing!

03/13/18

I wish I could say I'm having a
blond moment. Alas, it's more
alone the lines of a blond month.
As Luis moved into my home of
many years, in the month of March
with plenty of snow, I felt I needed
to gift him my pickup and plow now
rather than a year from now. This
then, brought up my own need for
a new pickup. Bottom line, turns
out I am the blond, and no one else.
I miscalculated the down payment
and now I don't have the necessary
shekels to pay for my bills for the
month of March. Perhaps 'twould
have been better to avoid this
subject entirely, but am committed
to total honesty, so here it is.

where is the wisdom
what to do oh what to do
someone please advise

03/12/18

I find myself being reminded
of the love of family. We just
celebrated the second birthday
of Russel's twin grandchildren.
It was delightful to take a time
out from our daily grind of
moving and enjoy family, fun
and games, not to mention
delicious food. One knows how
much family means, how much
love is shared. I find myself
wondering how it is that a
reminder is even necessary.

no malice within
the purity of childhood
perfect little souls

03/11/18 - DST

I fear I've always found Daylight Savings Time
to be somewhat anticlimactic. Year after year,
I await the morning to experience an hour
earlier or an hour later. Somehow, the clocks
rule and my body seems to adjust. Just once,
I'd like for it to present itself as rather a big deal.

what time is it now
clocks at odds with each other
tis the dance of time

03/10/18

Sleepless night, and NOT in Seattle!
'Tis strange, after a lifetime of waking
at 4:30 a.m. in order to be early at
one's desk to face day after day of
glorious teenagers. No regrets, I so
loved teaching. Having said that, I do
wonder sometimes what would be
wrong with a bit of sleeping in or even
getting a full night's rest, if not sleep!
Alas, not to be . . .

sleepless sleepy head
even my soul is tired
no rest for wickeds

And NO, no other explanations forthcoming . . .

03/09/18

Yesterday was an amazing day in that
it was International Women's Day.
The news, Face Book, the internet,
all touched on the subject throughout
the day. Harking back in history, it is
truly amazing to see just how far we
women, our right to voice and all that
pertains, have come. Those of us who
have lived in the modern world most
likely take our equality for granted.
In fact, the complaining one hears,
just be laughable in the face of history.
Bless those pioneering women who
are responsible for the life and liberty
we all enjoy today.

echoes of voices
our sisters of yesteryear
fought for our todays

03/08/18

Me thinks I died last night. Moving
is such an amazing experienche
which Sally has already found out
and Jo is about to. Makes me wish
I had been one of those people in
the LESS MODE rather than the
MORE MODE! I crashed yesterday
afternoon and slept through to 4:30
this morning. Now, back into the fray!

may be called moving
sorting boxing packing more
change is what happens

03/07/18

Moving is su an exhausting,
soul-searching endeavor. In
the early hours of the evening,
I'm never exactly certain whether
I'm dead or alive . . . and my sleep
is definitely along the lines of the
walking dead, but with no walking!

promises promise
and the dead shall rise again
feel older than death

03/06/18

I'm making the effort. Still, I find myself
not up to physical par, not having enough
energy to complete my daily tasks. There's
a will, but not a way. I'm wondering if it does
indeed take a bit more than the power of
positive thinking. So, I'm trying to work a
tad longer each day and/or to simply work
at all. Isn't there an old adage that says
something along the lines of the world
wasn't won in a day?! Alas, 'tis a day for
cliches . . .

feeling so tired
dancing as fas as i can
wheres the geritol

*Rome ne s'est pas faite en un jour.
Rome wasn't built in a day.
~The Count of Flanders, 12th century
cleric in the court of Philippe of Alsace

03/05/18

I find myself looking forward to the return
of the light as spring approaches. It's rather
that glorious time of year when hope returns,
tiny bits of green force their way up and out
into our very beings and the birds begin to
sing. For me, it adds an entire dimension . . .
create, creating, creativity, creator . . . and
again, most of all, hope!

cold winter mornings
find myself longing for spring
around the corner

03/04/18

Been thinking . . . I know,  dangerous
proposition. I WANT, nay NEED, to
actually LIVE whatever life I have
left . . . to the fullest. I've been trying
to see what that might look like. I find
it interesting that I have no actual
desire to travel the world or accomplish
exotic endeavors. Rather, I long for
local ventures, unusual restaurants, visits
with family, fun drinks . . . getting high
perhaps, but not loaded. Sometimes I
wonder what thoughts most of us have
as we approach the end of our days.

where to go from here
inner longings of my soul
excitement at last

03/03/18

What a day! I may never recover!
New glasses so I can see the world.
New pickup so I can travel in it.
I feel the excitement!

waited a long time
traveling on wings of hope
a new day dawning

03/02/18

Last night was beyond pure magic!
What is it about the full moon that
just fills one with hope?! I felt better
than I had in weeks; it's no wonder
lovers bask in her glory. I may wish
upon a star from time to time but my
true longings spring from our luna llena.

ever awaiting
dreaming with lunar lady
still under her spell

03/01/18

You should see our homes. Actually,
no you shouldn't! They are both
stuffed to the gills. There's no place
to put anything or put anything away.
I swear, I'm trying to do my Away
Team (give away, throw away, put
away) but it's rather beyond
impossible. The kids report in that
they're freezing to death. Not sure
they're old enough to cope with all
that faces them. I'm feeling older
than old . . .

a new life awaits
in the land of overwhelmed
may the gods succor