Yesterday, the words fell from my fingertips
as if demon possessed. Today, I find myself
standing at the threshold of this moment in
time, as if awaiting the courage to open the
door . . .
The door to what, pray tell? What secrets lie
beyond?! Joy after sorrow? Peace after war?
Understanding after ignorance? Unimaginable
bliss?
And yes, the fear is there . . . this pure,
unadulterated fear . . . fear of the unknown,
the unexpected. I ask myself, "Is it possible
that I might simply be afraid to be utterly
and completely happy?"
"Is it that I'm afraid of the price I may be
asked to pay? Will I have to pay with a
life? One of my children's? Friends'? My
own? Or perhaps, my life as I have known
it up until now?!"
One may spend an entire lifetime seeking
understanding, comprehension . . . and all
of a sudden, when faced with the possibility
of utter joy, run with a fear previously
unexperienced.
Not certain just what I'm feeling?! Am I
sorry for myself? Disappointed? Do I
actually 'get' this woman on what appears to
be a treadmill situation?! One step forward
and two steps back? ~!@#$%^&*()_+
It's rather like praying for enlightenment
and when the answers come knocking,
hollering out, "Sorry, can't come to the
door right now, I'm on the phone!"
pray give me courage
open my eyes to visions
finding me baffled
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