04/30/2023 - Beltane Eve

Today marks the beginning 

of Beltane celebrations as it 

is May eve. 

You may know the name as 

May Day rather than Beltane. 

It's a day for Maypoles, fun

foods, good drinks and much

sharing.

So, what are we celebrating 

on Beltane Eve and Beltane

Day?

Spring is at its peak; not that

we would know that here in

our town. Our neighbors got

10" and we got six or seven

inches of snow only a couple 

of days ago.

And of course, the second

reason to celebrate is that

summer is 'round the corner.

I can hardly wait!

Of all of our eight yearly

celebrations; Spring, Sum,

Autumn, Winter, Mayday, 

Halloween, etc. Beltane is

about having fun, letting our 

hair down, as it were.

The way I feel about Winter

makes me think Beltane or

Mayday, if you prefer, is all

about celebrating the return

of warmth, blue skies, long

days and the pure joy of this.

Happy Beltane Eve . . .

04/29/2023

"Ask yourself what is really 

important, and then have the

wisdom and the courage to

build your life around your

answer." ~Lady Winter-Moon

Part of me wishes I had known

this at a much younger age. Still,

it's never too late; perhaps one

knows this innately. 

Wisdom and courage, both fab

attributes, are wondrous apart

and phenomenal together. I tend

to forget that from time to time.

Learning through the years of my

life that wisdom is very different

from intelligence, has been quite

important. Intelligence, brains,

smarts . . . all having to do with

how bright one is. But, wisdom

must be the key of what to do w/it.

Courage makes me think of doing

that which the universe asks us to

without minding the accompanying

fear. There are ever so many things

we've each had to do or accomplish

that have frightened the bejesus out

of us!

I am grateful for the experiences in

my life that have taught me these

truths, albeit the accompanying fear!

So praying I continue to learn more

each day . . . Oh, the complexities of

life!

04/28/2023

"Do not regret growing older.

It is a privilege denied to many."

~American Hippie

Sooooo get this! Having survived

cancer at 36 and my own suicide

attempts due to SAD, I am wowed,

awed, and ever so grateful to have

reached 73 virtually unharmed!

And no, I do NOT mind aging at

all. It's so interesting! It may be 

a cliché, but indeed I do feel the 

same inside and every time I catch

myself in the mirror, I am rather

astonished!

Love the stories hidden in my soul.

Value and appreciate the friendships

I've been privileged to have in my

life. Bow at the feet of the honor it

has been to teach in two countries

for 40 years. Adore the gift of my 

own children beyond measure!

Bottom line? Who the hell could

resent aging? Do these people have

no soul? Do they not get what a gift

it is? I worship at the feet of whom-

ever made my being here and STILL

being here possible!

Bring on the champagne, celebration

ahoy . . .

04/27/2023

"Moments of solitude with 

Mother Nature is sunshine 

to a soul."

~Anthony Douglas Williams

I so miss her! I understand

winter has its own beauty.

I quite love looking out the

window at fresh fallen snow.

In fact, all seasons do indeed

have their own beauty. My

only sorrow is that winter has

kidnapped spring and won't

let her go until a week or two

before summer.

I need to get out, outside, and

in the embrace of our Mother.

Looking out the window thru

an extended winter simply does

not cut it.

I long to walk thru the grasses,

look at the dandelions, scent

the fresh breezes and be wowed

by the glories to be found only

in warmer climes.

I need to visit our earth mother,

take her gifts and reacquaint

myself with her glories and her

mysteries.

Sooooo longing to sit awhile 

in her arms, tell her how much

I've missed her, share a bit of

red and wax eloquent in the

poetry of her summer beauty.

Oh winter, when will you be

shot of your hold on spring?

'Tis time to let go and let warm

have its turn . . .

 . . . I pray you!

04/26/2023

"I'd rather be haunted by 

memories than by what if's."

~Ariana

Indeed, I thank the gods for

the fact that I've lived plenty

rather than simply existed . . .

So honor that I ran away from

home at the end of  9th grade 

and went to the academy! 

From there . . .

I count those wondrous 20

years in Mexico, the birth of

the most amazing children

that could have ever existed,

and 17 years of teaching in

Spanish.

I so loved the subsequent 23

years of teaching in a low-econ

community here in the U.S.

It's been interesting living in a

135 year old cabin in my elder

years. Praise the gods that my

lover is in the know, as it were,

of all things wrong, WRONG,

W R O N G ! There is naught 

that he can't fix; make no 

mistake!

No one can have any idea . . .

the work, tasks, wrongs, this 

man has had to fix in this ancient

cabin . . . oh my God!

We're talking perfection here!

"Memories are Made of This"

~Terry Gilkyson, Richard de Dehr,

Frank Miller, 1955

04/25/2023

What? Again?! 

Will it never end?!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr  ~!@#$%^&*()_+

04/24/2023

I've been given such a gift! 

When I fainted one early morn 

and cracked my skull open five 

years ago . . .

Taking a year to heal as well as

taking somewhere around 20%

of my memory, I wasn't able to

read the way I was used to for

about 50 some years.

I could do a bit of the quick and 

dirty, a la Face Book; I couldn't

read books. Thank God, I was 

very fortunate to get good heath 

care at our local Catholic hospital.

Now, lo these years later, I am 

able to read properly again. As 

I'm just starting out, I'm reading

some of my faves from years past.

Don't tell anybody, but most of

them are murder mystery series. 

Right now, I'm doing some 65

books by Robert B. Parker.

Bottom line, I am ever so thankful

for the gift of reading once again

returned to me . . .

04/23/2023

Mother Earth has gifted us 

six or so inches of snow in 

honor of Earth Day.

Trying to be positive here 

and her gift is stunning indeed. 

There are those who would say

we need the water. Part of me

would have preferred rain, oh

well!

Nice that it's Sunday and we

get to stay in. Just think of all

the shekels we're saving by

not going anywhere!

Just looked out the back yard,

beyond beautiful. There are

tracks . . . rabbit, raccoon, for

sure. And best of all, BOBCAT!

We've seen him to the point

methinks he's nigh onto being

a pet!

We're at 17 degrees . . . I've

got to get up the courage to

wade through and get Saturday's

mail!

Still working on my attitude,

I see . . .

04/22/2023 - Earth Day

I actually lived in Mexico as a

newlywed when Earth Day first

came about. If ever there were a

country that supported, honored

Mother Earth, it would be my

beloved Mexico.

'Twas a glorious day when the

powers at be decided to honor

our Mother. I can't even imagine 

all that happened that made this

so.

Truly 'tis Mother Earth that I'm

all about. I literally worship at

her feet. She is an amazing gift

to us; albeit God, gods, universe,

as host!

One can only imagine what she

means to each of us. For me, she's 

what I'm all about. As a kid; drives, 

camp outs, hikes . . . all within the 

confines of Mother Nature. I so

bless my parents for rearing me 

within her confines.

For me, she is the love of my life.

I will ever and always honor her.

I pray I may represent her well . . .

. . . speak well of her, mind my

manners as to litter and recycling,

make sure the space around me 

tips my hat to her . . .

 - - -

Earth Day is an annual event on

April 22 to demonstrate support 

for environmental protection. 

First held on April 22, 1970, it 

now includes a wide range of 

events coordinated globally by 

earthday.org including 1 billion

people in more than 193 countries.

The official theme for 2023 is

invest in our planet. Wikipedia

04/21/2023

"Wine improves with age. The

older I get, the better I like it."

~Anonymous

Methinks 'twas my father 

who taught me the joy of wine. 

He raised his own grapes, five 

different varieties. Fine vintner, 

his wine was valued here in

Denver at $30 a bottle. That

was a long, long time ago.

I've written about this before;

why then, repeat myself?! A

couple of reasons . . . One

would be the missing of my

father! God, every single day!

So love me some red! Like 

white as well, but red will

ever and always be my fave!

Owe that to my dad as well.

Last, but not least, I always

fast three months a year. 

January, May and September.

One month off and three on!

Works for me and keeps me

rather sane and sober.

Can't help but wonder if my 

dad smiles about that wherever

he may be. God, I miss the hell

out of him!!!

Salud . . .

04/20/2023

"I don't need walls anymore, 

now I know that it makes more 

sense to just close doors." ~A. Shea

Read this bit of wisdom this a.m.

and felt my body go into a shudder. 

Such growth born of sorrow!

A teacher of 40 years, I have seen

and known walls beyond the pale.

Heartbreak beyond measure!

One can only guess at the thats, 

whys and wherefores of a kid's life 

that would require such a defense 

system.

Obviously, as adults we know of

people who live behind carefully

constructed walls. We can only

ponder the need, the reasons. 

Most of us can't even imagine that 

heart felt pain behind the walls. 

Hurts my soul simply thinking 

about it.

I pray we all can find some sane 

ways of dealing with our sorrows.

04/19/2023

"Prayer is talking to the universe.

Meditation is listening to it."

~Paulo Coelho

I have loved Paulo Coelho

since reading The Alchemist, 

lo these many years ago! What 

an author, what a mind! 

One of the things I much value

about Coelho, is that he is first

and foremost a teacher. His books

indeed bring pleasure, but more

than that, they teach.

I particularly like his view on

prayer and meditation. Some

religions promote prayer, others

meditation. I like understanding

of the value of the two together.

Within moments, when I pray, 

I find I am talking to my dad. I

doubt very much God minds as

he is a father as well. But, I had

never thought of the listening

part as meditation.

I do so love learning something

each and every day. And, I believe

that listening is something I really

need to pay attention to. I fear, I

sin on the side of talking.

Listen up, woman!

 - - -

Paulo Coelho de Souza is a Brazilian

lyricist and novelist and a member of

the Brazilian Academy of Letters since

2002. His novel The Alchemist, became

an international best-seller and he has

published an additional 30 books. Born

1947, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil Wikipedia

04/18/2023

"But, without the dark, we'd never

see the stars." ~Stephanie Meyer

I've ever and always had a very

unusual relationship with the dark.

It's not that I'm particularly afraid 

of the dark, it's more that I'm not

sure where I stand 'twixt & 'tween

night and day.

I tell myself I'm all about the moon

rather than the sun. Yet, I so enjoy

its heat on a bright, sunny day, with

or without clouds.

But, there is no beauty on this sweet

earth like that of the moon. I might

add, unique beauty. So let me think,

are there other dark things that I like

and enjoy?

Well, I do dress in all black and I do

so adore black. Then there's the dark

chocolate that trumps all edibles on

the face of the earth! I love that black

print in those wondrous books I read.

In thinking about it, I see that black

and dark seem to be interchangeable 

synonyms for me. Bottom line, black

is beautiful, I love the dark, but I see

light has a place in my life as well.

04/17/2023

"Much of your pain is self-chosen."

~Khalil Gibran

Alas, I think about pain a great 

deal; all kinds of pain, in fact. 

My knees hurt! I imagine it's an 

age thing. Still, looking at Gibran's 

quote,  why don't I focus more on 

how good I feel,  how straight and 

tall I walk, rather than just the pain 

in my knees?!

Obviously, emotional pain is far 

more difficult to deal with. I miss

my children terribly. I miss my girl

friends. I would say these missings

are fairly normal and they are more 

about how much I love them rather

than anything else.

I miss, miss, miss my dad! I talk 

to him most days and so wish he

were here. But, if he were here,

I'd want him to still be in fine 

fettle and not old and crippled up.

Would I want my mom and brother

to be here? No . . . my mom didn't

know who she was anymore and

my brother's illness made life very

difficult for him to bear.

So, methinks I need to wish away

physical pain, but I fear emotional

pain might just be here to stay.

04/16/2023

"Never change to be accepted by

others. Stay weird." ~Unknown

Eccentricity in itself is ever so 

interesting. It manifests in many

different ways. Dress is one of

my faves.  All black, every color

in the rainbow, a mix and match

of dressed up and dressed down.

Freedom of expression is another.

Eccentrics are most often well 

read. Conversations with saids

can be both interesting and 

informative. Should you choose

to engage, you may be challenged

or applauded.

Their habits can be amazing . . . 

up at day break or work on their 

projects throughout the night.

They do not need an audience,

simply enjoy their own flashes

of insight and break throughs. 

I blame it all on my dad . . . 

praise the universe that he was a

true eccentric!!! He dressed all

in light blue. Always wore shorts.

Invented and created with each

passing day. So enjoyed talking

to people, really talking, chatting

not a part of his regimen.

I want to  be just like him when 

I grow up!

04/15/2023 - Tax Saga, Day 2

I've decided I may live after all,

but still not quite sure yet.

It was snowing when we left for

my tax appointment with death. 

My guy had us leave early and it

was a good thing too! Visibility

was horrendous and the trek

dangerous. We even got lost 

initially.

Oh yeah, I just remembered, I

have a GPS for a reason! Right!

Finally arrive . . . the secretary

tells me that as my W2 form is

missing, I won't be able to file.

I know! I know! That's why I

left getting an appointment so

late . . . I never received my W2.

Finally, we get in and my guy

says we should do as much as

we can with or without forms.

Turns out, I'm properly retired,

and nothing else was needed; 

all ended well.

God in heaven, I made the entire

day a nemesis for anyone who

came within viewing distance of

moi . . . especially myself!

I can see it all now . . . methinks 

I'm one of those characters who 

seems to take all things to an 

anxiety laced level!

Go figure . . .

04/14/2023

Today is the day . . . my very

own tax day! And, per ever and 

always, I'm a nervous wreck. 

All year long, I keep meticulous 

records, I label everything . . . 

you have never even seen order 

until you've seen my tax prep.

Anal that I am, I like to go thru

everything just one more time

before going to my appointment.

And there it is - that empty space

where my tax doc from the powers

at be should reside!!!

Nervous breakdown #1 . . . scan

though the piles a la quick and 

dirty. Nervous breakdown #2 . . .

slow down, look carefully, peruse

everything. Nervous breakdown 

#3 . . . phone my accountant. 

Should I still come? Ask for a

continuance? What's going to

happen to me? Will I be fined?

Make no mistake . . . I'm running

on scared nigh onto death.

Going to go to my appointment

anyway and see if there's any 

hope for moi and mine! Do visit

me should worse come to worse.

I hear the jails aren't as bad as

they used to be!

To be continued . . .

04/13/2023

Alas, I fear I am ever and

always a la quick and dirty!

I scan my calendar quickly.

I jot notes on it abbreviated 

to the point that not even 

God could understand them!

Today, at exactly this time,

I'm supposed to be at the 

doctor's office. I canceled

because my calendar said I

had a dentist appointment.

It's not that I can't read . . .

it's simply 'twixt always

being in a hurry and 'tween

not able to read my own

handwriting, I mess up.

See how cleverly I got out

of blaming all this on aging

and half-hymers?!

I fear I'll be having more

incidents of this nature in

my future. Can't help but

wonder just excuses I'll

be giving myself?!

Where's my calendar . . .

Oh my God, no way in

Kingdom Come can I read

those scribbles!

04/12/2023

Isn't it interesting how we 

all like to dish out bits of 

advice, sage or otherwise.

Still, we find it a tad harder 

to take it!

"You really need to lose 

some weight, but of course

I don't. Stop asking me for 

a loan; I've never had to 

borrow money in my life. 

She's such a gossip; no way

would I talk about anybody

the way she does."

I get that was all a bit catty.

Okay, more than a bit catty. 

I fear we often say some of 

the most horrendous things 

to ourselves. In fact, I am

only even now coming to 

understand what damage 

we do to ourselves with our

self talk.

"I'm too fat. I'm not smart

enough. I shouldn't put up

with his talk. I need to read

more. I'd better work a few

more hours."

Frankly, it doesn't really

matter how surly or how

sophisticated our self

comments are. For sure, 

it would be truly important

that our self talk be of a 

higher caliber.

"My hair looks nice today.

I really like this dress on me.

This is a really good book I

am reading just now. I should

tell Jo how much I enjoy her

stories."

These types of higher self

comments are so healthy. We

would all benefit from seeking

to be much more positive!

"You look lovely today and 

I'm all dressed up; let's go out 

for lunch. Did you see what a

fine article Alice wrote? I would

like to learn from her; she's such

a good writer."

Now, that's the kind of self talk

we should all be doing!

04/11/0223

One of the things I so love

about living here is all the

wild life we get to see! And,

I'm talking about right here

on my property.

My absolute faves are the

bear, bobcat and mountain

lion. Running in a close

second, the elk and deer.

I get a kick out of the fox

and raccoon, but the raccoon

are a nuisance with the trash,

make no mistake.

Last evening it was a huge

bob cat. He was so big that

initially we thought it was

a mountain lion.  Added to

that, his tail was longer than

we're used to seeing. Still,

made our day, or should I 

say, night?!

We have so invaded their

original territory. I find it

amazing that they have

found a way to adapt. Some-

times, I worry about getting

attacked as we love being

outdoors. 

Lord willing and the Devil 

doesn't intervene . . . as

David Mason used to say!

04/10/2023

Well I can remember not

liking Monday mornings

back in the day . . .

I loved teaching, adored the

kids . . . so, methinks 'twas

more about kissing the week-

end goodby rather than the

issue of embracing the new 

week.

Now in my dotage, as it were,

I still like to party hearty on

the weekends with wondrous

family, friends and neighbors.

This makes Monday morning

a refreshing gift of recovery

and healing . . . and then, we

don't even have to go to work!

One of the things I much enjoy

in these elder years is . . .

that recognition of just how 

priceless life is and the need 

to enjoy every single moment 

however that looks to you.

These moments are indeed a 

gift . . . let's spend them well!

Happy Monday to one and all!

04/09/2023

Weekends ahoy . . . Oh how

I love them!

I find it so interesting to be

retired lo these many years

and still honoring weekend

customs!

I still love how the weekend

actually begins on Friday, 

FAC with the neighbors. 

Do you remember . . .

Friday Afternoon Club?

Saturday is a sleep in day. A

late, lazy brunch, sometimes

even with champagne. And, 

catching up on the news . . . 

local and/or otherwise!

Once in a while, it's pancakes 

on Sunday morn. Others, I psyche

myself up and make Chilaquiles.

No drinks on Sunday because

Monday brings work . . . teaching.

Ah, sometimes I still forget I'm

retired.

Maybe, it's high time I celebrate

each and every day rather than just

the weekends. I heard a rumor we

have a warm spring day coming up.

Again, that much fantasized about

picnic comes to mind. 

04/08/2023

"What we think, we become.

What we feel, we attract.

What we imagine, we create."

Wild Woman Sisterhood

Every now and then, I run 

across a sentiment that speaks 

to moi! The above statement 

is obviously very right brain, 

but that's where I spend most

of my thinking anyway . . .

The Power of Positive Thinking

~Norman Vincent Peale, 1952

was all the rage when I was a

couple of years old. My father

used to quote from it on a regular

basis. So, obviously I grew up

making that effort . . . alas, my

mind rebelled to the order.

It's in these latter of my years

that I suspect our choice of 

thinking has a great deal to 

do with who we are, what we 

become and the outcome of our

lives. I do wonder from time 

to time, if people see me as a 

negative or a positive person.

Bottom line, I'm still here . . .

and methinks I can still fight

to become who I want to be

04/07/2023

Yesterday, I celebrated an

anniversary of sorts . . .

Alas, I didn't share then, as

it was a bit much to think

about.

Six years ago yesterday, I

fainted whilst loading the

pickup of an early morn.

Unfortunately, my head hit

one of my beautiful rocks

and spit my skull open.

When I came to, I crawled to

the door and softly knocked

at the bottom of the door. At

last, Russel came and found

me.

He drove me to the hospital.

I ended up spending three days

there, 16 or 18 tests involved.

I was told by my own doc, that

I probably had two to three mo

to live.

What I celebrate today is my

6th anniversary of a life not

expected to live, but one gifted

me completely unexpected.

I pray, I have many, many more

years to celebrate. Unfortunately,

I lost roughly 17 - 27% of my

memory due to the accident. 

Nonetheless, it's been

interesting being reminded . . .

Do feel free to bring me tales

untold, I most likely will believe

them, after all . . .

04/06/2023

"No winter lasts forever.

No spring skips its turn."

~Hal Borland

Just read the forecast for the

week. I rather feel like the 

Gypsy who peeks at her own

fortune . . .

After snowing for about 18

hours straight, we're finally

promised an entire week of

what actually looks like 

spring in fine fettle. 

I'm going to celebrate; make

no mistake! Maybe eat out

one day, Have an outdoor

FAC. Take a short walk in

the sun. Speaking of sun,

I may visit my son!

Alas, we still have many

an inch of snow here at the

property . . . but still, lovely

to know we have a few days

respite from Mr. Winter

sticking his head in where

it doesn't belong.

Let's dance!!!

04/04/2023

Have to wonder about myself

sometimes . . .

I am supposedly this peaceful 

person . . . right down to those

times I marched against the 

Viet Nam war in college. I even 

participated in one of the bra-

burnings.

Then, why the hell do I so enjoy 

murder mysteries, both of the

book and the movie varieties?!

I'll confess, I cannot do those

more horrific, i.e. Stephen King.

But, give me Columbo and/or

Midsomer Murders and we're on!

It comes to me that it's not the

murders themselves that woo

me, but rather the intrigue and

manner of the who done it itself.

At least I have to give myself

credit for never having planned

one myself. That would be too

torrid by half.

At this late in the day, guess I'll

just have to accept myself as I

am. Good thing too as I'm diving 

into England's Inspector Alleyn

today.

Hey, does it count that I only like

fictitious murders and not the real

ones?!

04/04/2023

"The magic in me is old, it sings

the song of my ancestors, words 

of the forest tongue, long forgotten."

~A.M. Galdorceraft

Alas, I do not live as deep in the

forest as I would like, but I do live

there. A true blessing, after all! 'Tis

strange, I have the forest on my left,

the lady side, and modern life on 

my right, man's world indeed.

I've come to understand that I see

my tiny, 135 year old cabin, a place

of magic centered 'twixt and 'tween

the two. From the moment I enter,

life as we know it is left behind. I

find the era of yesteryear soothes

me and eases me.

There is naught in this world to

soothe one's soul as to sit by the

fire and candlelight in the living

area. I suppose one must honor

our modern day . . . that might

just be why the occasional marg

comes to mind.

I pray I may be granted the wish

of being here 'til my time is ore

and that I am held in the arms of

my ancestors until borne home.

Blessed be . . .

04/03/2023

"My mind is simultaneously

a dream factory and a grave-

yard where ghosts of dead 

memories haunt the promise 

of fresh starts." ~db

If ever there were a truer words

spoken, I don't know what they

would be! Surely, our minds

must be one of our greatest 

enemies at times!

Awaking happy and excited for

the day, and then we remember

the list . . . that godforsaken list

of all we must do or die!

Find myself missing someone,

longing to hold them for just

a moment . . . and then I recall

there may be an offense in the

midst of the missing.

Remembering a loved one fondly

and all of a sudden . . . the sorrow

of harsh incidents mess with my

heart.

I'm nigh onto a hundred, as I've

been heard to say . . . when am

I going to start controlling my

mind, my memories?! Aren't I

supposed to be the guy in charge

here?

That saying, that wise saying,

"Time to get over myself!"

04/02/2023

Tonight is one of those 

nights of the sleepless 

nature. As I only drink 

coffee every few weeks

or so, when I indulge,

there's no sleep to be

had that night.

I never dread the price 

I pay for my indulgence. 

'Tis rather fun dividing

up the night twixt and 

'tween the odd mystery, 

crossword puzzles, and

or a good book.

Tonight, my guy and I 

caught an old black and 

white. So interesting to 

note the changes in 

attitudes and allowances 

from back in the day and 

today's world. 

Wouldn't have minded a 

tad of ice cream, but the 

cupboard is bare. And, 

as long as sleep is being

denied me, may as well

have some fresh coffee 

made even more delectable 

with a dash of Bailey's.

So love me those bits and 

pieces, the spice of life . . .

04/01/2023

Oh, what an amazing world

we live in! Nuff said! ~ldj