04/26/18

Full Pink Moon approaching. I always think
of mother as pink was her favorite color. In
fact, her entire house was done in pink. Wow!
I ask myself as pink is rounding down, how
I am progressing with my mother issues. Am
I still resentful? Have I forgiven her? Have I
forgiven myself? Can I begin to take the color
pink in stride? Is that even possible? I much
value that I can honor my mother, thank her
for the gift of life, respect her work ethic, be
entirely wowed by the kind of mother she
was to my special, blind brother Sammy. I've
come to understand that it isn't required, nor
even necessary, for her to like me or for me
to like her. Liking is such a subjective issue
and I need to get over it. She was a good
mother and role-modeled so many things
for me. Her work ethic made me the teacher
I am today. I am ready to let this issue go.

pink moon pink thoughts pink
thinking good things about pink
my mother in pink

04/25/18 - Friendship ahoy . . .

This thing . . . this thing called friendship . . .
is truly amazing! I have closeted myself for
so long that sometimes I actually forget the
concept entirely. I've been so lost, but little
by little, I believe the finding has begun.
Love is the great healer but me thinks 'tis
actually friendship love that does the trick.

feeling gratitude
gifts of healing acceptance
friendship at its best

04/24/18

I've heard a rumor that it's supposed
to rain and snow, otherwise known as
sleet, most of the day. Yesterday, I was
finally convinced that spring had sprung
but 'twas a false alarm. I'm really starting
to believe that winter hijacked spring! Is
there any hope of warmth in the near
future?

so long for some heat
even my soul is freezing
might be warm in hell

04/23/18

Actual Earth Day was pleasant
in that we took the day in bed
and read, watched movies and
napped. Sooooo NOT how I see
Earth Day as it's supposed to be.
It should have been bright and
sunny with lots of people enjoying
the fair and eating ice cream cones.
Sounds like an analogy of life, if
you ask me. One thing is expected
and yet another is dealt. I think I
need to get a clue, if you will. How
much real life have I lost because
it didn't pan out as expected. I'm
going to give this a think!

did you stay it bed
mama earth it's cold today
i want different

04/22/18 - Earthday

Yesterday, we were fortunate enough to enjoy

the beginnings of Earthday at our local annual

celebration of booths, plants, green info, etc.

'Tis indeed wondrous when a community has

come together for 27 years to celebrate our

Mother. Midst several inches of snow, the

townspeople gathered to honor her. I would

have though staying home the best option,

but here they were, in force, snow or no snow,

to honor the Mother. Happy Earthday to us all!

do you still love us

mother earth mama nature

i am calling you

04/21/18

Yesterday was a gift of the gods. In Paganism,
it was the marriage day of the God and Goddess.
In Mother Nature, it was the GREEN MOON,
lasting 90 minutes and only happens every 420
years. In my personal life, it was a day of
friendship of such magnitude that I was reminded
I am beyond fortunate. What a day!

different kinds of highs
weddings green moons and friendship
a gift from the gods

04/20/18

We spent the evening in front of the fireplace
last night. I was reminded once again of two
of life's greatest gifts . . . friendship and fire.
Wow! The chat was long; food and drink in
short supply. But in due time, the meaning of
life was revealed. Friendship and fire! Both
providing beauty and warmth. Both necessary
to our very existence. Both in rare form. I am
filled with awe. We've known each other for
just under a quarter of a century, a gift of the
gods by which to warm the cockles of the soul.

speaking of friendship
heaven sent and heaven spent
a gift of the gods

04/19/18

Today is a day of anticipation. 'Tis the
perfect reinforcement to my positive
interlude. The first friend I made in US
is coming to spend the afternoon. I am
ever so pleased. This evening, the best
of the bestest is spending the night. My
heart swells with joy. Somehow, I need
to find a way to create moments such as
these in the interest of both survival and joy!

anticipation
taking the moment in stride
interlude to joy

04/18/18

I awake each morning, albeit it 3:30, 6:30 or
somewhere in between, and simply vomit forth
whatever I find lurking there. Perhaps, I should
take some time, think things through, before I
put pen to paper, as it were. I do recognize that
what I do is some kind of birthing from the
subconscious. I have used this purposely and
hopefully in order to garner someinsights
into my soul.

alas early spring
winds of change and destruction
fires everywhere

04/17/18

The mind is a mysterious and eerie place.
Mine is not necessarily one in which I'd
wish to be caught. On the other hand,
sometimes it's interesting to hang out. I
wonder about so many things. What makes
me tick? Why do I act and react the way I
do? Am I unduly moral or am I morally
bankrupt? Who do I want to when I grow
up? Who do I want to become before I die?
Good questions, but do I have any decent
answers?

so many questions
with universe as teacher
seems too disruptive

04/16/18

I awoke this morning with a longing
for Mexico such as I haven't experienced
in a long while. At my friend's request, I
recounted a story dear to my heart. I have
wondered often if perhaps I should not
have returned to my roots. I can remember
commenting, back in the day, that nowhere
on earth had I ever felt so at home. I must
have been one of those few born out of
place and time.

con tanto dolor
soñando con méxico
ya quiero volver

04/15/18

I need to rebirth myself. I'm wondering
about the requirements. Do I need a
special date? Witnesses? Ceremony and
ritual? State my intentions to the Universe?
How do I go about accomplishing this,
this act of renewal? If I take a page out of
Mama Nature's book, she really does this
every spring. Really, to some degree, each
season. Why then, wouldn't I be able to take
a lesson, get a clue, follow in her footsteps?!

rebirthing myself
in desperate need of change
hale new beginnings

04/14/18

For several nights I have been unable to sleep
at a decent hour. I distract myself as best I can
but the time comes when I am relentlessly faced
with the ghosts of the day, the specters of the past,
the phantoms of my own inertia. 'Tis as if Halloween
descends by night to rake over the dead of one's
own dreams, hopes and longings. I so wish I could
bury my dead, learn to let go, grow in spite of myself.

torn by my longings
yearning for what i am not
who has the answers