05/13/2020

Such humungous, glorious, stunning homes!
Everywhere I go, I see them. Large, small, tiny,
they are each one 'home' to someone. Me thinks
we all love our homes, creations of our hearts,
no matter the size, the shekels involved, or the
place they reside.

What is it about a home that brings so much
comfort? I well recall the 'movings in' over the
years into the different residences. The clean,
the new paint job, the placing of treasures . . .
making the house a home! I used to call it,
'peeing the perimeter'! We are mandated by
some imaginary source to lend our stamp
of approval.

I don't know whether to chuckle or to cry . . .
have you ever noticed that we live in about
three rooms of our homes? The kitchen and
the bedroom, of course. Some even use the
living room. Still, per se . . . just a couple of
rooms actually gift us their space. Rather
makes me wonder why we need such huge
homes?! Something to think about . . .

where lies my comfort
my identity is home
home is in my heart

05/12/2020

I've been thinking . . . always dangerous . . .
about secret spaces, sacred places, magick
nooks and crannies. We all understood this
as children. I defy you to even find a child
who doesn't have his very own special
corner of his very own universe.

It makes me sad to think we lose this as
adults. It would behoove us to remember
just how valuable these little pieces of
heaven can be. As a little girl, when sad,
I would go to my magick place and by the
time I came out, I was all better.

Perhaps you already have one, but just
haven't thought of it this way. A comfy
chair in the guest bedroom, a porch swing,
a flower bed out back, a pew in the back of
an open church. Not to forget some quiet
music and a candle or two. That hot mug of
coffee or tea, a small glass of red . . . all adds
to the much needed mystique.

Still, having your own quiet place isn't enough.
You have to remember to go there. Make a
habit of it. Once a day, same hour each time,
or just when you need it. Go there! Be there!!
Let yourself heal!!! Add that bit of magick to
your soul . . .

tis heaven on earth
that wee bit of magickal
dont let me forget

05/11/2020

So love me all the holidays in May . . .
May 1st is both May Day, Día del Trabajo and
Beltane. Cinco de Mayo, glorious Mexican holiday,
also celebrates the birth of my mother and daughter.
May 10 and/or Diez de Mayo is Mother's day. May
16 is the birthday of my children's father and the
23rd is Día del Estudiante. Let's end with the 25th,
Memorial Day. Crazy, crazy May!

I can remember teaching 17 years in Mexico. The
closer May came, the more we trembled. With the
lack of routine, the kids were restless . . . along
with summer weather. But bottom line, trying to
teach during the month of May took heroic efforts.
Still, I find myself looking forward to it, enjoying
every single celebration.

There is great benefit to my mom and daughter
having the same birthday. 'Tis sad remembering
it's mom's b-day and then I cheer up with the
celebration of my daughter. Funny how holidays
invoke different memories and feelings.

So here we are, half-way through May already.
Let me just wish you one big happy holiday for
the next two weeks.

whats to celebrate
yes a maying we shall go
making memories

05/10/2020 - Día de las Madres

Siempre recuerdo a las bellas damas de
México en el diez de mayo. Sin embargo,
se me hace intrigante, que durante este
tiempo de la plaga mundial, que esta
celebración caiga en el mismo día en
ambos países.

Pensando en tiempos de antaño, tengo
que echar ojo a mis impresiones de las
madres que conocí. Quiera o no, las
culturas de los dos países son mucho
muy diferentes. Mi doña madre me decía,
'Ay, cómo los quiero, cabroncitos'! Y, de
repente, no faltaba un grito de, 'Hijos de
la chingada, más vale que llegan rápido
o les voy a poner una . . . '

Bien recuerdo como me quedé atónita
la primera vez que le escuché a Chavela
hablarle así a sus hijos. Mis padres eran
muy correctos, muy corteses, pero claro,
en tono de voz, la mirada cariñosa, los
abrazos, traducían las palabras bruscas
perfectamente. Estos niños sabían que
eran amados. Me imagino, que ni siquiera
tenían un momento de duda.

Obviamente, hay madres en todo el
mundo que darían sus vidas por sus
hijos sin pensarlo ni un segundo. Y
dudo mucho que importaría si aquella
madre se despidiera con un, 'Te adoro
hijo mío'. O un, 'Adiosito mi jodidito'.

Espero que siempre recordemos que el
amor de madre es lo más cercano que
tenemos para conocerle a Dios.

ay madres mías
amores de mi vida
como extraño

05/09/2020

I suppose it's highly unusual, but as Mother's Day
approaches, I am constantly thinking of my father.
I've always said, my mother was my father and my
father was my mother. Strange as that may sound,
I like that I recognize this! Having a special brother,
my parents decided at a very young age that mom
would deal primarily with my brother and dad with
me. It was a matter of practicality as the family was
very united, per se.

Still, on the eve of Mother's Day, as it were, I find
myself engrossed in memories of yesteryear. What
an amazing mother my father was! Dad was the
true eccentric in the family. He accepted me as I
was and encouraged me to be myself and never
look back. He always said that I got to be as weird
as I wanted to be and the right people would want
to be my friends. Such an amazing insight in a
world of cookie cutter debutants and their followers.

I look at the differences . . . mom and bro, inside.
Dad 'n ld, outside. Mom, car, dad and me pickup.
Mom, picnics . . . dad and me, camping. Mom,
dress up, dad and me . . . weird combos or not at
all. Obviously, I could go on, but not necessary.
Every single day, I give thanks that my dad taught
me to think outside the box, dress my own way,
follow no crowd and throw out the cookie cutters.

Happy Mother's Day, dad! You will always be my
hero!

a mother is born
mom by any other name
all shapes and sizes

05/08/2020

I still find myself dancing on air . . .
Last night's ultimate 2020 Super Moon,
the full Flower Moon, was something to
behold . . . make no mistake!

My guy had spent the day on a project
and found himself arriving home at 10:00.
After greeting me, he told me to grab my
coat. I just had to go outside and see the
most amazing moon he had ever seen. I
chuckled and told him he'd been living w/
his Pagan way tooooo long.

So, out we go; he kept leading me down
the walk, saying that I wouldn't be able to
see the moon properly unless I followed
him. We got as far as the pickup and I
dropped my jaw. I had been expecting it,
but I knew I wouldn't be able to see it
until 11:00 as we're surrounded by pines.

Next thing I knew, he's popping me into
the car and taking me to the lake. He tells
me I just have to see the moon by the lake.
He was right . . . the beauty was of such
magnitude that I found myself going from
inadvertent exclamations to tears falling
down my cheeks. Were I to live a hundred
years, I don't think I would ever again see
such beauty or experience such a moment.

What a guy! Middle of the night surprise
after working and driving hours! I pray
the gods protect him ever . . .

a midnight surprise
lunar lady come to me
bright blessings await

05/07/2020

I am fortunate enough to be included in a group
discussion of important topics via e-mail. The
gals contributing are true intellectuals and it is
a delight to read their points of view and share
in their thoughts and enthusiasms. Interestingly
enough, I sometimes find their chosen arenas
of discussion are too painful for me to indulge
in. Alas, I'm not entirely certain what this says
about me.

We are indeed all such interesting creatures!
The happenings in our lives that form us, the
things we react to and others that we're able
to blow off . . . all form a part of who we are.
I am emotional; I house sorrow in my soul as
if I were part of the divine comedy itself. I
have an enormous capacity for joy and am
capable of great depths of love. Still, I have
to be extremely careful; I fear I may dive into
the depths of hell and never return.

I'm still asking the great questions . . . Who
am I going to be when I grow up? Why am
I so emotional? How is it possible to love
and to feel so intensely? What can I do to
survive those great sorrows that invade my
soul? What is the price I will have to pay
should I choose to be a superficial person?
How old do I have to be to simply accept
that I am who I am and there's not much I
can do about it?

I fear these questions will never be answered.
I strongly suspect that my own hell on earth
has been the quest that leads me to Nirvana.
After all, didn't we survive many a loathsome
meal as children knowing that the dessert
would make it all worthwhile?

pray lift my sorrows
will pay almost any price
let me rethink that

05/06/2020

Just call me klutz!!!

I fell down the stairs again yesterday
evening. No alcohol, exhaustion, or
ghosts involved . . . just me not paying
attention, per usual! I know I need to
stop doing this, but I've always been
a bit of a klutz.

I remember going up the stairs to my
uni classroom in Mexico. I slipped
and fell, and being young, got right up
again. Then, I slipped and fell again,
and yet once more. A fellow prof, who
I had never met, put down his briefcase,
grabbed my arm and marched me up
the stairs. He seemed a bit aggravated
with me. Go figure!

I fall in the snow rather regularly. What
the hell . . . just part of who I am, I guess.
Still, me thinks 'tis about time I stopped
this nonsense, what with my bones now
being 70! Next thing you know, I'll be
going into comedy . . .

never was funny
trying out for comedy
just born to be me

05/05/2020 - Cinco de Mayo

Oh my goddess! What an amazing day!
I imagine you're thinking of this most
historical date which we celebrate
out the nines in Mexico! Alas I fear,
I must be a tad more personal than that.
It all started with the matriarch of our
family. Queen Esther, as my father used
to call her, was born on May 5th, obviously
my first recollections of the date.

I can remember those first hankerings for
a little girl. Queen Esther did not wish for
me to have a second child as I was in a
special health bracket. But, we told her I'd
gift her a baby girl, on her birthday, with
the name of Esther, as her namesake.
That first yell into the night, with ten
minutes to spare. Her daddy gave her a
kiss and ran to telephone Grandma . . .
a promise kept.

My very own Princesa Esther, captured
my heart that night, and forever more. I
pray God bless her every hour of every
day. She is a treasure sin precio alguno.

remember that night
a joyous gift from the gods
gratitude ever

05/04/2020

Last night I dreamt . . .

 . . . I found myself coming home at the
end of an arduous journey and I felt a
sense of relief at the return. No sooner
had I arrived, that I called two women
to come on over and resume classes.
I was that anxious to share what I had
learned on my travels. After the initial
greetings, i served them an afternoon
glass of white. We settled in and began
to discuss . . . when a knock at the door!

It was another couple of friends come
to wish me welcome back home. Again,
I invited them to have a seat and gave
them a glass of wine. And then, the siege
began . . . woman after woman, couple
after couple, until the home space was
overflowing. I served wine in shot glasses,
bottle lids, small bowls . . . even ash trays.
Once the white ended, I began with the
red. There was standing room only. I kept
begging for everyone to be quiet and watch
the educational flick I had brought home.
Still, it seemed they were only interested
in chatting, catching up, partying!

I was beside myself! Finally, I shouted in
a loud voice, 'Shut the fuck up!' at which
my mother gave me a distinctively dirty
look of disapproval. And, where had she
come from, having been gone lo these
four years?! It was simply ghastly. My
much longed for class had turned into a
cocktail party. And, I can't even begin to
describe the claustrophobia! My second
scream actually awakened me . . .

I lay there, panting! 'What the hell was
that all about'? And frankly, i believe the
nightmare deserves a good think! I believe
the message is, 'Simplify and enjoy'! It
doesn't get any more direct than that!

slow down the music
leave the rock 'n roll to waltz
enjoy the new pace

05/03/2020

In a world of distances, family time becomes
even more precious . . . delicious even! What
fun to sit around a campfire, enjoying chat
and beer, children running around gleefully,
just because . . .

I would have to admit, the required social
distancing was quite difficult. One WANTS
to hug children, no matter their age. It's
not only natural but compelling! We did a
pretty good job; still, I noticed as the week
end wound down, our social distancing
became closer and closer, our circles tighter
and tighter. Family loving family!

Whilst I was visiting with one of the girls,
she mentioned her hopes surrounding the
outcomes of this whole plague affair. I don't
even think she was trying to be positive, but
she commented that this world wide virus
is actually giving us an opportunity to slow
down and think about things. We can sort
out those things that are important to us
from the ones we thought were essential.

We are learning not to take family and
friends for granted. We are being reminded,
in the ensuing solitude, just how much we
miss their company. We're getting used to
spending time at home, getting our hands
in the kitchen to see what we can come up
with. I pray that as this virus is sorted out,
that we don't forget those lessons learned
re solitude, family, friends, time, sharing,
and our enhanced creativity.

ponder hearth and home
loving me our family
so been missing them

05/02/2020

Me 'n Don Quijote tilting at windmills . . .
Not to mix my metaphors or anything,
but there are def times when I would
accuse myself of living in a world of
fantasy!

In my universe, there is no pedophilia,
no theft of children or young people, no
kidnapping, no spousal abuse, no bullies!
My idea of heaven on earth! And no, I
didn't mention murder because I imagine
there are times . . .

I'm not a Socialist, per se. I actually have
no issue with wealth. I only have trouble
with some having billions while others
don't even have a crust of bread to eat!
What would be wrong with just being a
proper millionaire and dishing out all those
additional billions that can't be spent in a
lifetime anyway?!

Actually, I abhor facing reality . . . but I
suppose at some point, it must be done.
Since I don't have the power to change
the world, I'd vote for each of us to
basically mind our manners and maybe,
just maybe, the ensuing concentric circles
will burn brighter and brighter as time
goes on. I pray it be so . . .

pray give me courage
make the world a better place
stand and be counted

05/01/2020 - Beltane

Beltane at last; I feared it would never come.
This Pagan holiday is celebrated from sunset
on April 30 with bonfires, dancing, and raising
a glass or two, through sundown on May 1st.

Seven of the eight Pagan Sabbats are highly
spiritual, whereas Beltane is quite festive. It
marks the high point of Spring and announces
that Summer is soon to follow. For those of us
who have had a lingering Winter through the
first half of Spring, a warm Beltane is especially
welcome.

We were lucky enough to spend Beltane Eve
with our neighboring friends. And wonders of
all wonders, we get to spend Beltane with our
children, hopefully around a bonfire tonight.

So, in our festive Beltane mood, what are we
thankful for?! The return of sunny days with
their ensuing warmth, for certain. Lifting a
thankful glass to our children and other loved
ones is expected! And not to forget, life itself!

How do we express these wondrous feelings?
Dancing 'round Beltane fires by night and
celebrating with a Maypole dance by day.
Dancing! Feasting! Greetings! Toasting!
Oh, what a glorious festival! Pray, do have
a delightful Beltane or a wonderful May Day,
its Christian equivalent.

dancing round bel fires
its down the maypole winding
raise a glass or two