10/31/18 - Samhain

Yay; we woke up to snow at 4:00 this morning!
In days of yesteryear, it was expected that the
first true snow would happen on Halloween. Me
thinks I should buy a lotto ticket! Shoveling
awaits along with guests braving the snow. I
see a cozy fire and hot Irish coffee beckoning.
I look forward to enjoying the last of Samhain,
reminiscing about those I have loved, saying
last goodbyes. It's a bit of a conundrum, this
whole Halloween vs. Samhain. I tend to think
of Halloween as the fun side of the equation
and Samhain as the sacred. When in doubt,
do both, my grandmother used to say! And,
tonight, she is the one perhaps I'll honor the
most. I value so much the life she lived rather
than a life she could have preached. I can see
her now, gathering up all the day's scraps,
making a gravy and setting out the old cast
iron skillet for the local strays to come and eat.
She used to say that barnyard cats were an
important part of keeping the mice at bay. She
was a beautiful woman, often dressed in red,
radiating a magic all her own. As far as I could
tell, she never lost her mystique; she fascinates
me to this day. I want to be just like her when
I grow up!

of samhain i sing
saying goodbye as i sob
precious memories

10/30/18

What an amazing month October has been! I imagine
all of us have a favorite month, albeit our birth month
a special time of year, a certain beloved season. As I
promised myself, I would celebrate every single day
in October. And I freely admit; I am simply exhausted
from celebrating! I feel like I never want to see another
glass of wine, a dish made from an exciting recipe, yet
another special dessert. The best part though, has been
seeing people I love, reconnecting with some I had lost
in the move, spending precious moments with my man.
I can't help but wonder how I'll feel tomorrow . . . my
fave day of the year, Halloween. 'Tis goodbye to the
tenth month turning 69, and hello to the upcoming
dozen months in which, day by day, I'll becoming 70.
I never say it coming; I never say it happening.
Happy birthday to me . . .

too much too many
bidding my fave spell adieu
tis time to man up

10/29/18

Perhaps it is because I spent 20 years in Mexico,
but as Halloween approaches, I find myself thinking
in terms of Día de los Muertos and missing my
people. In our culture, or should I say, my adopted
culture, we believe the veil between the worlds
grows thinner as Samhain approaches and one can
sense the dead, visit with them, ask for their blessing.
You will find this happening all throughout Hispanic
cultures on October 31st, November 1st and 2nd.
Obviously, I am quite fascinated by culture per se,
the blending of old and new belief systems, the sharing
of such across borders and lands, the commonalities
and the differences. Catholicism plays a part as well;
some believing it may be even more cultural than
religious. I have such a myriad of feelings in this
waiting period. I want the cabin to be ready . . . neat
and clean, altars built, flowers (especially marigolds)
and pots all around, photos of my own dead framed
and placed, special foods prepared . . . and always
tears near the surface. With no warning, I see to
begin conversations and then stop myself, knowing
perhaps I should wait until the 31st. Having said that,
nothing stops me from readiness.

alone with my thoughts
i find myself missing you
longing so longing

10/28/18

As we approach our spiritual new year, I find
myself thinking about the things I would like
to change. Obviously, there's always going to
be the same-ole, same-ole that that one wants
to change. Lose weight, be more patient, not
get angry . . . but why can't we focus more
on the positive? What are those things I like
about myself that I want to keep and/or even
embrace?! Let me honor in myself that I am
a friendly person, that I genuinely like and
care about people, I give a good compliment
and I actually listen when someone is talking
to me. No, I think this year, I'm going to strive
for even more than dismissing the the 'don't
likes' and embracing the 'likes' . . . I'm going
to go all out and go for self-acceptance. I'm
69 years old, so when is this whole self-
acceptance thing going to happen if it doesn't
happen now?! Yes, I'm going to accept me as
I am, remembering of course, that there's
nothing wrong with a little salt and pepper
of self-improvement!

so i have issues
am loving me anyway
going for the gold

10/27/18

We find ourselves in the midst of what my mother
used to call 'car troubles'. Car troubles, indeed! It's
funny how much of our lives, our activities, our plans,
all hinge on the functionality of our carriages, as it
were. We were to have had special guests from out
of town today, but come to find out, their car is
broken down. We are invited to a familial gathering
ourselves; alas, the pickup is broken down in a
completely different town. I grew up with my father
constantly working on cars and am lucky enough
that the man in my life is of the same ilk. Having
said that, it seems now-a-days, cars fun along the
lines of being so highly computerized that the ole
boys of yesteryear find their skills being called into
question. So here we sit, Cindy and me, vestidas
y alborotadas . . .  awaiting our carriages, perhaps
never to arrive.

what say you cindy
is your carriage a pumpkin
me thinks mine is not

10/26/18

Throwing out the baby with the bathwater is something
that I've been prone to do my entire life. Spent too much
on groceries last month, I'm not buying any this time.
Drank too much wine at the party, won't be going to
any parties anytime soon. Bought too many things at the
mall, won't step foot in one now. Ate too much ice cream,
it's banned from my freezer . . . and on and on and on!
The adult in me isn't quite sure whether to grimace or to
break into hysterics. The child in me says, "You mean I
can't have any more of that?" Being the most unbalanced
Libra I've ever known, I keep asking myself, "When, oh
when, are you going to man up and go for the balance
equation?! I don't know if it's something that escapes my
reach or if indeed it is something difficult to achieve. I'm
right at that point of deciding to try for balance in my
69th year or better yet, just accept me as I am. Anyone
up for an ice cream bash?

climbing on up here
walking my lifes balance beam
falling off most times

10/25/18

Awaking at 5:30 this morning. the moon shining
full into the living room, I was wowed beyond the
pale. I've always loved the moon and I find it
beautiful in any of its phases. But, those precious
three days: the day before, the day of, and the day
after its full moon phase, are stunning. I find myself
wanting to burst into song, grab a pen and write poetry,
take an early morning walk . . . and actually, there are
times when I simply weep. I know we live in harsh times.
I understand the negativity of the hate in this world.
I know we are often overwhelmed with the ugliness.
Perhaps, looking at Mother, the beauty she provides in
palates of earth and skies, would soothe our hearts.

lunar lady shines
her carriage now awaiting
dressing up the night

10/24/18

Of books, in all their unprecedented glory,
I sing. Oh my God, how I love them. I
give thanks for having my own library!
And at night, when I'm rather forced to
read in an electronic, night-lighted
implement, I cringe. The heft isn't the
same and certainly there is no rather
wondrous, magical scent of book to
stimulate the mind! No, I rather hate
those. I want a proper book to read! One
that I can throw, should the need arise.
A page that can be turned down to mark
the spot, words to be wondered over and
a dictionary at the ready. I want to be able
to underline my fave passages . . . to be
carefully copied hours later when daylight
graces the horizon. Yes, give me books
and I'll just throw away my whatever, I
promise!

oh give me a book
santa are you listening
to hell with the nook

10/23/18

What is it about over indulgence that so
attracts me? I see it in so many ways . . .
I don't like, I LOVE! I don't eat moderately;
I eat with utter abandon! I don't nurse a glass
of wine; give me enough time, I drink the entire
bottle! I don't read a chapter or two; NO, I
stay up the whole night and finish the book!
I notice that I don't even use periods much;
exclamation marks are ever so much more
satisfying!!! And, don't even get me started on
CAPITAL LETTERS! I can't help but wonder
if all of this doesn't have something to do with
my zest for life! Indeed, I pray it does!!!

stingy has no place
not to exist but to live
live to the fullest

10/22/18

Of late, I've been imagining my life in a
kaleidoscope of photos and events. As
I flip through a catalogue of memories
long misplaced or forgotten, I find myself
harking back to a small rat pack that used
to follow me around as a child. They were
the virtual leftovers of my own animal
kingdom. Wags, a sweet mongrel of a dog,
led the pack. There was my white goose,
Quacker, a black hen and a turkey gobbler.
I swear they were never apart and followed
me everywhere. Must have brought smiles
to even the most dour. I can remember
being annoyed sometimes as they pranced
along beside or behind me. Friends who
witnessed my faithful few would chuckle
even as they shook their heads in disbelief.
I began to lose them around the age of 14.
I can remember crying with each subsequent
loss, yet being surprised at the grief I felt.
I have to smile, thinking about this most
unlikely tribe . . . wouldn't it be wondrous
if we humans could get along so well?!

my own faithful few
quite a parable of sorts
solidarity

10/21/18

I have been absolutely intent on daily
celebrating my 69th for the entire month
of October. And now, two thirds through
the month, I find myself strangely exhausted,
almost wishing for the arrival of November.
It's been so much fun reconnecting with friends,
planning and executing different events, hoisting
a glass. But, after making merry for three weeks,
I'm actually longing for a hibernation period. I
can't help but wonder if I'll have any energy left
for November, much less finishing out the year.
Somewhere along the route of getting me to my
69th, I've heard a rumor about balance. I even
know that my sign, Libra, is represented with a
balance scale. Alas, I've come to the conclusion
that I must be the most unbalanced Libra I've
ever known. This shows itself in many ways,
but perhaps being high as a kite one day and in
the pit of despair the next, is the toughest. I keep
asking myself, "What's next? What will my 69th
year look like? How should I celebrate it? What
do I need to learn? What's worthy of investigation?"
And, like it or not, I believe these questions have
brought me to a decision . . . I'm going to look
into this balancing act, no matter what! God, I'm
exhausted just thinking about it!

on balancing me
how falling off the tightrope
just wheres the circus

10/20/18

I imagine our birthdays in the latter years
bring about a certain amount of thoughtful
rumination. My recurring questions range
from subtle differences such as, "Who do I
want to be when I grow up?" to "Who am
I going to be when I grow up?" My mother
used to say I had my life planned from the
cradle to the grave. I imagine on some level
she was absolutely right . . . but as time goes
on . . . life happens to you rather than you
happening to life. I have loved and enjoyed
my life . . . my children, teaching, living in
Mexico, building a home, moving into this
120 year old cabin. But, what joys and
sorrows can I carve out for myself in this last
go round, as it were? Like it or not, part of
that is defined by availability of funds and
frankly, Santa hasn't been putting much in
my x-mas stocking of late. I have the time,
but do I have the energy? My heart's in the
right place but me thinks I'd better be checking
out my gumption level. So, camping may turn
into a travel trailer, foreign climes may become
getting to know my own state and hiking the
trails might be better ending the evening on
a barstool trying out the local beers on for size.
I'll report in as soon as I find out!

where am i going
making fairytales come true
click heels dorothy​

10/19/18

On the morning of the day after, I find myself
wondering if I'm the same person or if I've
changed since turning the magickal age of 69?!
I had such a glorious day, saw my fave people,
received many beautiful messages and fun cards.
And, hold your breath . . . I even drank appropriately!
Do I dare to think that at 69 I am finally growing up?!
So, where do I go from here? What do I want to do
with this special, wondrous, magickal year of 69?!
Since the magick begins with self, I would like to
make every effort to commit to personal growth.
There is obviously never any excuse to stop growing.
I long to continue studying and learning most of all.
Keeping a close eye on my soul, I wish to be particularly
accepting of each and every person in my life simply
as they are. No proselytizing, no preaching, no trying
to change anyone. I tend to believe that acceptance
is indeed the key to happiness and contentment. And,
were I to make one wish of the Universe, I would ask
only that I find enlightenment and that I have the
courage to follow wherever it leads me. I pray I may
leave this world a wiser and better person than I
entered it. Blessed be.

wishing on a star
where oh where to go from here
pray understanding