07/31/2020

Love's greatest gift is its ability to make

everything it touches sacred. ~Rumi

As we say goodbye to July, I've been pondering

just how to return to a more positive thought

process. It's so easy in our current political and

health situations to forget all those wondrous

blessings surrounding us.

I do understand that the entire world is presently

affected by this unspeakable plague. I also know

we are at odds with each other over impending

political debates and decisions to be made. 

Still, I think of how fortunate the majority of us

are to have homes to live in and even jobs to go

to. My heart truly goes out to those who don't. 

I think where I'm headed with this into a new

month is to worry less about what I don't have

and be damn grateful for what I do.

I get that it's and old song and dance. Some

where 'twixt our parents and Sunday school

teachers, said lesson was pounded into our 

heads ad nauseam. Nonetheless, just because

the message is along the lines of a broken

record, doesn't mean it isn't valuable or lacking

in truth.

I so need to add in some gratitude here . . . and

well before Thanksgiving, if you get my drift!

yes mommi dearest

tis thankful i am i am

keep repeating it

07/30/2020

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose

by any other name would smell as sweet."

~Shakespeare

Who am I? Who are we? What defines us?

Is it the name our parents gave us? 

Or perhaps, the nicknames our friends

brought to the table? The education or

the career we chose? Who we married

or the number of children we have? 

Where we live or the church we go to . . .

or maybe don't go to?!

I suppose we spend the first half of our

lives creating our personas and the second

half, trying to discover the essence of our

beings. I find it interesting that in turning

70, I am now so determined to discover

and understand that pesky question . . .

"Who am I?"

I get that I'm different, a total eccentric,

if you will. I know I'm a woman, a mom,

a teacher, a lover, a Pantheist . . . but do

any of these nouns truly define that

question of,  "Who am I?" I actually 

want . . . need . . .  to know . . . before 

I travel to that great unknown . . .

who am i pray tell

am searching for that essence

in need to know mode

07/29/2020

Sometimes, me thinks our nightmares are
are born of the terrors of this world we live
in. I don't have them often . . . 'tis stuff of
children after all. Still, from time to time
I do.

I dreamt my son's wife and children were
killed in a horrific accident. Oh my God,
the grief . . . was actually tenable. But the
thing is, in real life, he isn't even married
and has no children, so what does all this
mean?

Surely our dreams, and/or nightmares, are
projections of our own fears or concerns.
So upon waking, finding it only a dream,
I wipe my tears and ask myself, "What
the hell was that all about? What am I
afraid of? What are my actual issues here?"

Perhaps, just the usual concerns a mom
has for her children, a projection of those
pesky parental fears. But bottom line, it's
important to have an in depth look at our
nightmares, suss out what they're all about
and then let them go. Right! @#$%^&*()+

worried about you
dreaming dreams most sorrowful
tis stuff of nightmares

07/28/2020

Celebrate for a day? a week?? a month???

I've been contemplating . . . Birthdays tend

to do this to a person. Traditionally, we

celebrate the day of our birth. If a party is

involved, perhaps the closest weekend day

that is convenient for all. Still, I find that 

as I get older, that's not enough for me.

As long as I can remember, I've celebrated

the entire month of October. It's fun as well

as a good way to stay positive. But, turning

70 . . . a month just wasn't enough. I found

I wanted the entire year. It's a reminder, a

reminder of how phenomenal it is to still 

be alive. So any small occurrence, I salute

70. SEVENTY!!!

My guy joins the 70's today. We partied

all weekend. So much so, that he's not 

in the mood to even go out today. I see  

I have my job cut out for me. I'm going 

to teach him the meaning of the word

CELEBRATION!!! 

God, it is wondrous to be alive!

party me hearty

life must be celebrated

no time for death here

07/27/2020

I love that sense of anticipation . . .
Just when you think you're all out
of that magical sensation, you find
out that one of your besties from
your past is coming to visit. Wow!

It invokes so many memories . . .
High school, the cliques, not fitting
in the general crowd, finding your
own peeps, becoming friends. I
imagine classes should be part of
those memories, but I find they're
all about the people.

I wonder about catching up . . .
What will we talk about? Will we
ever get any sleep once we get
started?! Are we much changed?
There's a lot of distance 'twixt
15 and 70!

Actually, I've come to believe, we
are all basically the same we've
always been. Some of us grow and
others remain stagnant . . . but there
we are, hidden deeply within our
real selves . . .

trembling as i wait
will we find ourselves again
anticipation

07/26/2020

Morning of the day after; ever interesting, 

isn't it?! Today we awake to a new day,  

a new week and the expectation of new 

experiences. And best of all, we have the 

memories!

I find myself reminiscing about our family, 

sweet things that happened during the day, 

both the fun and the fumblings. Interesting

happenings and stories shared will remain

in our hearts throughout the year until we

meet again.

Currently, we are living in a world laced

with sorrow; political issues, the plague,

loss of jobs, hopes and dreams all gone.

But, when a loving family reunites, we

are once again reminded that love still

exists 'mongst the ashes of those dreams 

lost, burned and destroyed.

Oh how I thank the gods for the love 

in our family . . .

remembering you

you lighten my heavy heart

better yet to come

07/25/2020

I find it interesting . . . You plan an event with
great anticipation and excitement. You clean
for weeks, organize every little detail, do your
shopping and pray it doesn't rain! And then . . .

The day finally comes! Hurrah! You're up at
o' dark thirty, doing those last little details
you may have overlooked . . . alas, you find
it almost anticlimatic!

But then, the family, friends, invites begin
arriving! And little by little, your excitement
begins to build once again. It is actually
happening! And, all seems to be going well.

The event is much enjoyed . . . along with
the babies crying, the odd broken dish and
the spilt punch. But the joy found is seeing
everyone, sharing a secret moment, having
a hug or two, laughing ad naseum . . . 'tis a
perfect day!

I'm not quite certain, but perhaps the after
memories are the best! You tell and re-tell
funny incidents. You remember the best
potato salad you ever tasted. You hope and
pray there's some chocolate cake left over.

And here's me, thanking the gods we can
all get together once a year . . .

seeing you at last
longing for you more often
love my family

07/24/2020

"I'm dancing as fast as I can."

~Barbara Gordon

There are times when I think I'm cloning her.
Like it or not, we live in a 'hurry up or die'
world . . . and I'd rather not! Perhaps the only
good thing about this plague visiting us, has
been this slowing down of sorts.

I see meals at home, quite inventive ones in
fact! Yards being fixed up as never before.
Old movies watched and enjoyed. People
actually conversing within their families.
Hey, I might even clean house one of these
days! Truth be known, working in the yard
is a hell of a lot more fun! Love me some
sun; Winter outstayed his welcome this year.

Obviously, there is little positive about the
virus that plagues us. We need to be careful.
As we become accustomed to it, we tend to
forget just how important this is. I pray we
re-adjust, re-think and learn how to live
safely within its confines.

slow down and enjoy
our mother earth is still here
often we forget

07/23/2020

He was such a beautiful towhead toddler!
The sweetness of his soul always shown
through. He loved playing with our dog
Wags, as well as playing in the dirt as all
little boys do.

I so honor my parents for how they loved
him and cared for him. I had my part as
well, which pleases me. We lost him at
the birth of my son which has always
made me wonder . . . who really knows?!

Happy birthday Sammy; you are well
loved and well remembered . . .

so dont understand
tis sorrow beyond measure
why oh why oh why

07/22/2020

I find myself in a state of remembrance . . .
Yesterday was my father's birthday and on
the morrow, my brother's. My lover's follows.

Obviously, these birthdays remind me of my
guys! My dad was and is, the absolute love
of my life. I think of him every single day
and talk with him often. Me thinks 'tis a form
of prayer. I remember my brother less often
because I know he's in a much better place.

My father was allotted his lifetime and he
lived it to the max. My brother, born blind
and special, gave us all insights, experiences,
understanding and wisdom. I thank the gods
he was given rest. Life was so hard for him.

On a happier plane, my guy's b-day is a fun
familial celebration that we will all enjoy in
masked glory. I expect there will be some
interesting pics to share.

Pray God bless all three . . .

remembering you
missing you ever ever
pray understanding

07/21/2020

'Twas a long and arduous day; me thinks
I am much deserving of a special treat . . .
I have to smile; we all have our faves!

For some, it's a delicious dinner at home;
for others, eating out. There are those who
enjoy a glass of wine at the end of the day;
some who might prefer a shot of whiskey.
A good read, a show or a movie works too.
My fave cousin works a crossword puzzle
every night.

I've never given any particular thought to
this. Still, I know it to be inherently true;
we reward ourselves at the end of the day
whether we recognize it as such or not.

I would ask, "What's wrong with that?"
My only thought would be, let's recognize
it and choose our rewards more carefully.
Might just be a way to have a lot more fun!

shot of warmed brandy
perfect ending of the day
im most deserving

07/20/2020

I love my age; make no mistake! I was not
supposed to have the gift of 70 years on this
planet, yet here I am. I am happy to be 70!

I dig the white hair, the wrinkles surprise me,
didn't expect the weight gain or the slower
gait! Still, it's all good . . . But, do I have to
ache so? What's with the whole body in pain?
Been working on the yard for three weeks . . .
and know this, I've paid for every sin I've
ever committed!

Aging in its own right is an amazing concept.
We all age differently, obviously. All you have
to do to drop the jaw is watch some of our
elders on the dance floor, doing gymnastics,
running, and all of a sudden you're wondering
why the hell you can't do any of those things
anymore?!

Guess I'd better bring on the gratitude check!
Glad I'm alive! Pleased I stand straight and
tall! Thrilled I have my mind (or most of it)!
So, let's give it up for aging disgracefully!!!

all my aches and pains
partying in my body
prey on someone else

07/19/2020

Whoever the powers at be decided, declared
that we should have a couple of days at the
end of each week for rest and contemplation
may have just saved our lives! Thank God!

We've been working so hard, arduous hours
and happy to do so. Every year we spiff the
place up for my lover's b-day . . . gives us a
time that somehow works for us. Who knows,
it might just be the whole turning 70 thing,
but this year we seem to be extra exhausted.

Yesterday, the musician I asked to play for
my guy and his family, came to check out the
new pergola to see how it was going to work
for him. He even graced us with some music.
Thankfully, he and his wife, along with our
next door neighbors who introduced us to
him, stayed and visited with us for a while.

Mandated REST! Yayyyyy! I could kiss
their feet! Rather makes me think we may
live through this after all!

after work comes rest
the more ardor the better
bring on the hammock