12/13/2020

It has been said, "That with which you

fill your mind, is who you will become."

I'm thinking! I'm thinking!

So, what do I read? I have a small library

of about 450 or 500 books on all things

spiritual. Pantheism, in different categories, 

dominates. This would be what I read for 

spiritual growth.

I also have a fictional library of roughly

7,000 books that, per se, are all about

intrigue. Add to that, my extensive DVD 

library is virtually the same . . . Is that 

nicely disguised for murder mysteries?!

In discussing nightmares of late, I got to

thinking . . . perhaps reading and watching

the mayhem of who done its, contributes

to my nightmares. Something to think

about. But, as I much enjoy mysteries, 

I really wouldn't want to give them up.

What a conundrum . . . but at least I'm

being honest with myself! And I would

say, as I spend several hours a day in

spiritual studies, me thinks enjoying 

a bit of intrigue brings a nice balance.

Bet I could talk myself into anything!

call an ace an ace 

tis just me being crazy

loony bins await

12/12/2020

Alas, a dose of reality . . .

We're all thinking that 2021 will magically

erase and replace this most difficult year

of 2020. In reality, no such thing is going

to happen. We'll go to bed on New Year's

Eve, perhaps even wake up a tad hung over.

Having said that, New Year's Day is simply

'the next day'!

If indeed any changes are to occur, they

need to come from us, from within, from

a desire for different outcomes. Change 

our outlooks, our actions, our patterns. I'm

making an effort trying to think out what

I want to keep and what I wish to discard.

Me thinks I'll keep my love, sometimes hate,

relationship with life. Same goes for the 

amazing joy I find in my children and besties.

Still want to have some fun with the delicious

side of retirement. (Pray forgive me, trying

to have a positive attitude here!) And please,

please God, let me stay healthy a tad longer!

Now comes bin time . . . so ready to let go

of a few more pounds. Need to lose that ole

negative attitude that sometimes creeps in.

Be a good idea if I could learn to live within

my means . . . may not be bloody likely

though! I suppose I'd be more than happy

to take my leave of those pesky secret sins.

Bottom line, the thing I would like most

would be to accept myself as I am . . .

as well as be a good sport about anything

2021 can bring.

so many questions

still learning all those lessons

much needs me some peace

12/11/2020

Me thinks what I most love about

retirement is the breaking of all the

rules . . .

When you're young, breaking the

rules probably means something a

bit different. Sneaking out of the 

house, illicit parties, smoking in

secret (cigs or MJ), making out in

the bushes, unprotected sex . . .

For us, it's ice cream for breakfast,

mid-morning margaritas, dessert

first, four meals a day, skipping

the house cleaning, going to bed

at 6:30 p.m. and getting up at 2:00

a.m. for watching fave movies and

other activities . . .

Looking square in the face of our

rebellion, looks like it's probably

a lot safer than the ole teenage

naughties! I'll have to see if I can

come up with a few more . . .

just color me bad

so enjoying my naughties

straight not an option

12/10/2020

Those bits of yesteryear floating to

the surface; I find myself missing

these pieces to the puzzle of my life . . .

– Daddy, hero of heroes! Still talk to 

him every day; swear, he's here with me.

– Sammy, little bro and cohort in crime.

I'm ever so glad he's at a much needed

and well deserved rest.

– Esther, great mom. Alas, me . . .

her nemesis. 

– First grade teacher, Mamie, recently 

lost to us. Much loved by all her kiddos. 

– Fellow teacher and one of my besties,

Doug. Miss his notes and music sharings.

– Sean Connery, my first love . . . 

and according to my guy, buried in the 

back yard.

These great losses, hard though they

may be, 'tis ever so wondrous that they 

are recalled in love.

perhaps gone in life

well remembered greatly missed

ever in my heart

12/09/2020

My moods don't

just swing - 

they bounce, pivot,

recoil, rebound,

oscillate, fluctuate

and occasionally

pirouette.

~oculusmundi

Me thinks this author has been

writing about me again! I used to

think of myself as a steady Eddie,

but in the sharing of myself, lo

these many years, it has become

apparent that I'm all over the place.

'Tis fascinating, amusing, scary, 

crazy, amazing, intriguing and a bit

beyond belief . . . this whole getting

to know me as an olde dame! Who

knew?! Trust me, clueless here!!!

Perhaps, it's our final assignment

to get to know ourselves before we

move onto whatever comes next.

I'm going to get right on this getting

to know me business . . .

"Hi! I'm Linda-Dale Jennings, and 

you? Really? ld? Now that's an

intriguing nickname. How did you

get that? Your cousin, Cathy, you

say?! Wow! Let's get acquainted!"

I did warn you; I'm a tad out there

in my elder years!

getting to know me

interesting savoir faire

have we met before

12/08/2020

Spent yesterday pm in line at the PO.

50 minutes . . . Part of the time I was

outside, six feet apart, and part of the

time inside. I was nearly fainting at

the end. The poor, overworked gal had

to bring me a chair. Umpteen packages 

and hundreds of shekels later, I was in

the car and thinking, "Surely, I'm 80

not 70! OK, 71 . . . "

So, back at packaging again today, I

have full intention of doing this next

year in NOVEMBER. Thank God,

the cards are out! Actually, I may just

do cards next year. I'm out of gifts to

share, shekels and especially energy.

'Tis time to remember what these

holidays are all about. From your

Christian beliefs to my Pantheist

creed, surely it's all about love and

sharing, family, friends and foe,

as well as neighbors, if you're lucky 

enough to have them.

Still, a lot of love and sharing going

on, does my heart good. I do regret 

it takes holidays for us to remember

what we're all about. Me thinks I'm

going to make an effort to honor my

creed months rather than weeks!

love this time of year

holiday spirit abounds

may it ever last 

12/07/2020

So loving the entwining scents that 

are currently surrounding us. Tea 

steeping on the stove, pine wafting 

from the living room, a minuscule 

whiff of smoke from the smoldering

fire, wax from the burning candles.

Scents and sense . . . wondrous!!!

My soul, flooded with memories, 

a kaleidoscope of familial joys and 

sorrows brought to the holiday table,

not to forget the taste of desolation

once the celebrations have ended. 

I love it all . . . weight gain from

holiday delicacies, the mess from

wrapping presents, the trips to the

post office for sending packages, 

disappointment countered by bliss 

and forget not that holiday cuppa 

hot, steamy and naughty. Salud!

I'm trying to remember, is this

what we refer to as holiday spirit?

I'm in . . . 

fave celebrations

loving me the holidays

mistletoe awaits

12/06/2020

Awaking from night terrors, shaking

so hard I'm afraid to go down the stairs.

What the hell?! Haven't I paid enough

for my sins already?! God in heaven,

such horror; where do I go from here?

Interesting, all the different stages one

goes through in life. I have my mom

to thank for the concept. I heard her

say again and again, 'It's only a stage;

it's only a stage.'  She may have begun

saying her adage in jest, but I think it

actually comforted her. Me thinks I 

need to adopt it.

Not to worry, I've lived through worse,

but I am curious as to where these

episodes, (affectations?!) come from.

No, I haven't been drinking. No drugs,

no strange foods, plenty of sleep . . .

Maybe, it's a subconscious fear of

dying. Who the hell knows . . .

live exist dream die

pray tell what is the meaning

paying for my sins

12/05/2020

Obviously, we are all assailed with

doubts from time to time. Doubts

about self-worth, what we've done

with our lives, accomplished or not.

What have our lives meant?!

And then, a visit to my firstborn . . .

Oh what a lovely lad! A beautifully

maintained home, art in the works,

wondrous conversation! An offer 

of drink and something to eat . . . 

and suddenly, all is well.

Realization that indeed I have done

something right, so right that naught

else can compare. How I thank the

on high for my children. They ne'er

disappoint and I am blest.

Why, oh why, these doubts? These

questions? How easily one forgets

that as long as life is within, all is

well . . .

yes necessary

sorrow needs be doesnt it

does comfort await

12/04/2020

Sometimes I get wrapped up in this 

notion of what it must be like to be

normal. Alas, has never happened

in my case.

Not to worry, I prefer myself as I am,

even as the fucked up mess I seem

to be. Having said that, I peek over

the fence from time to time, and do

wonder.

Amazing women, coping with life

as if it were no match for their skills.

Dressed to the nines, professional,

charging straight ahead with no

hesitation. I find myself wondering

what it must be like?!

I also recognize that I was indeed

this woman during my 41 years of

teaching. There was also the 'me

within' wondering who that woman

really was.

The term Libra comes to mind, an

actual fear that my scales will never

ever be balanced . . .

the woman i was

she will never be again

hello new lady

"I didn't belong as a kid, and that always

bothered me. If only I'd known that one

day my differentness would be an asset,

then my early life would have been much

easier." ~Bette Midler

12/03/2020

I heard a rumor once . . . 

When you grow older, you grow

'moreso' . . . And, here's me thinking 

that well may be the case.

Went to bed at 6:30 last night for no 

other reason than it had been a trying

day. Woke up about 1:30 a.m. and my

guy suggested we watch a movie. That

would have been weird enough, but 

then he slipped downstairs and came

back with margaritas! Got a kick out

of the movie, enjoyed the margs and

then went back to sleep and awoke

rested.

Sometimes we sit by the fire at odd

hours. We eat ice cream for breakfast

and granola for supper. We don't leave

the cabin for weeks on end and then

we'll take a drive just to enjoy the 

changing season beauty.

If reincarnation turns out to be true,

I want to come back retired and 70!

Am sooooo loving it . . .

work money bills kids 

so been waiting for aging

wanna dance with me

12/02/2020

Somewhere 'twixt and 'tween the plague,

the cold and snow, and my own laziness

when it comes to getting out, me thinks

I'm well on my way to becoming a hermit!

Truly, the cabin is a seductress! It's tiny

and cozy, wrapped up in fresh snow and

our lowest temp yet, 7 degrees. This

antique bed is still a bit too delish for 

me to leave it, but when I do, sitting in 

front of the fire might be a good idea.

Next to the fire place is a large window

through which we can watch those

winter birds that don't migrate. They

much enjoy the bird feeder and give us

a great view. Sun glistens through the

4 and 5 foot ice cycles as they slowly

drip away their existence.

I would be the first to acknowledge

that I have issues with Winter. Having

said that, today is so beautiful I could

almost forgive Mr. Sun for leaving us

for a while . . .

beauty in winter

its ever so cold just now

a high price to pay

12/01/2020

Like a little kid, I feared December

would never arrive . . . and I want

that child within to celebrate an

amazing month! . . . or maybe I'd

better say, the ADULT in me!

A month you say?! Just think, we 

have a new moon on the 14th. Let's

learn about and celebrate Saturnalia 

on the 17th. There's Yule eve on the

20th and Yule on the 21st. And a

fave holiday awaits with Christmas

eve on the 24th, x-mas on the 25th.

Kwanzaa on the 26th and our full

moon on the 30th . . . and wrapping

up in style . . . New Year's eve on

the 31st.

That looks like way much partying

and celebrating to me. We're going 

to all come out alkies if we're not 

careful. But, we have had a year 

from hell; LET'S GO FOR IT!!!

Here's wishing us all a December

to be remembered . . .

must be in a mood

just thinking partying here

wake me in the morn